Asexual with a Relationship problem..help?

[SwoopingSilver]

This is a bit of a ramble, but...

 

I fell in love with my best friend. That’s probably the place to start.

 

We’ve known each other since elementary school, and we’re both in high school, with her being a grade beneath me. 

However, start of her freshman year (my sophomore), she moves to California, while I’m still in Texas. We agreed not to let the distance pull apart our friendship.

 

Around that same school year, I realized that I was starting to fall in love with her. I was terrified of destroying our relationship, however, and held off from telling her. Finally, in December last year (my junior year, her sophomore), I told her about my feelings. She said that she had been expecting that I had feelings, and we started dating. She is also polyamorus, and I have talked with the other girl via Discord Chat. We all know of each other. We were in a great relationship.

 

Now here’s the problem.

She is pansexual, and also has a high libido. 

If it’s not obvious, I’m asexual, with next to no libido, as well as being sex repulsed.

 

She has text me twice now, asking me for a photo, and when I send it, informed me that she was going to maustrobate to it-something that makes me very uncomfortable. Tonight, we just had a fight due to the fact that I will not send nudes (we’re minors,not only am I not into it, I’m fairly certain it’s illegal). When I told her no, she told me that I was overthinking it. I brought up my asexuality, she told me “Well you have to change for me”. This was upsetting, as she was the first person I trusted enough to come out as ace to, and she was supportive. She has since blamed the sudden about face on being hormonal.

 

I don’t want our opposing sexualities and libidos to ruin our relationship. 

 

Any advice?

[purplepassion]

Hi @Lemons and Lemonade! First of all I admire your conviction regarding the nude photos because you decided against it not just because of your sexual preference but because you believe it's illegal  
 

Now, I don't want to judge your bestfriend/girlfriend but based on what you've shared about her I don't think it will be easy to come up with a compromise and whether you like it or not your opposing sexualities and libidos, as you put it, would most likely affect your relationship. There's also this issue of her being polyamorous and pansexual. Are you really OK with that? I don't want to sound discouraging but this relationship seems to be a bit complicated. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't feel comfortable getting the "well you have to change for me" comment because no girl, or any person for that matter, is worth the change if you know that you're already doing the right thing. If she were to encourage you to change for the better then that's a different story altogether  

 

Like what you said, you're still both minors. As cliche as it may sound, you're still too young to take things too seriously so if you can talk things over without hurting each other's feelings and without letting it affect the friendship then that would be good. Just makes sure not to compromise your values and beliefs for love because you still have a long way to go   

 

Good luck!  
 

[Gldlynch]

Hey Lemons and Lemonade

 

Sounds like you're in quite the pickle there...

 

Firstly, I think it's really responsible of you to not send those photos because of the law.

Secondly, I think it's time to sit down with your friend and have a real heart-to-heart. From reading your description, it sounds like she is an important part of your life and I'm sure your friendship is worth fighting for. It is important to communicate that your asexual identity is just as valid as her pan-poly identity. Tell her all the points you have made in your post and if she argues that her desires are above the law and your needs, ask her to step into your shoes. Ask her how she would feel if someone pressured her into an uncomfortable situation. I think it's totally okay to let her know, what she has done has hurt you.

 

Best of luck!

[SwoopingSilver]

Well this is an adventure.

 

I had the suggested heart to heart with her this morning, and got a very short “well then bye”. It was strange, and completely out of character for her. A few hours later, she starts messaging me on Discord and on Tumbr, freaking out because she has no memory of sending the texts, the ones from our fight, the ones about mastrubating, or from this morning.

 

????

all three of us in the relationship are spooked.