Seclusion Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Hi, all-- Recently I've been trying to understand why I can't seem to think of anyone I've truly been sexually attracted to over my lifetime (I'm 18), and it just occurred to me that maybe it's because I have social anxiety and don't socialize with people for the most part? I honestly don't make an effort to get out or talk to people much, so could that be why I haven't found anyone sexually attractive yet? I'm pretty sure I'm more interested in boys than girls but I haven't hung around boys much so they kind of intimidate me rather than peak my interest I think. I've found guys attractive before but they were pretty much all fictional and usually I knew their personalities before I found them attractive. The problem is I don't know if I would ever fantasize about having sex with them either--I'm much more likely to fantasize about being their best buddy tbh. If I do fantasize about having sex with them I'm not even me, I'm some other person/character. It's embarrassing and a turn off if I fantasize myself in that kind f situation. I feel like I kind of strayed off the point of this post but yeah...apparently I'm more comfortable with boys in fiction but boys irl don't have the same effect...I just try to avoid them (and most other people as well). Sorry this post isn't very organized...! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lucyrose_x Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 I struggle with social anxiety too, it's got worse the past few years. At Uni nights out or gatherings would make me anxious because you know for the majority where the night will be heading, and what others would be expecting me to do as it's natural to them. Where as I'd just want to have a good time then go home and go to sleep! (But at the time not realising why etc) I'd be a lot less anxious and more comfortable attending a social event with a group of asexual people. I'd feel more able to be myself. I tend to avoid a lot of social occasions if I can get out of it, Im not anti social though, I want to be more social! And I do feel guilty if I have to cancel something. But just get so anxious before an event, like weeks before, that I'd rather not plan to do stuff and just stick to what I can manage. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OpenAce Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 I have social anxiety, I'm introverted, and I'm asocial. However, I do feel like my being ace is different from this as I know extroverted extroverts. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yeast Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Its best to start at the beginning. Asexuality is defined as not having sexual desires. Beyond this is an entire encyclopedia of asexual types. One can still feel romantic attachments to people. Many asexual people even get married, love their partner and even have sex, although they don't really want it. To some, sex is actually quite unpleasant. Asexual people can even please themselves sexually. A question that appears to still be open is whether one can become asexual or that asexuality is something that can never be changed. Maybe the latter. Asexual people don't like being told they are living unnatural lives and need to have sex to be happy. Frankly I have never thought there was anything wrong with me because I never wanted sex. As a child I received a lot of harassment from my peers and this made me rather aloof. I'm not really an introvert but rather someone who has become hypersensitive to predators. After over half a century however I've become too large for most of them to hunt but I have had to deal with a tyrannosaurus or two. One of the problems asexual people face is isolation. I've solved mine by associating with the LGBT community. This doesn't always work though. I suppose I got lucky. It isn't all bad though. Asexuality erases barriers of age, sex and race. Problems in relationships aren't exacerbated because of sexual issues. I have found AVEN a good site for discussing problems and learning new things about yourself. Welcome and I hope the forums are helpful to you. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 I've had this asocial questioning before, not too much able to socialize in any normal context, so it can seem quite absurd I'm not asexual without doing the actual work of socialising in real world social culture norms. Turns out I'm social but limited to within a small group that communicates in a similar manner, this is later after my asocial questioning was put under a symptom being on the autistic spectrum. I'm still asexual even through making the limited friends and relationship I'm currently in, after making those limited social connections. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Cant answer for you but I can say I was 23 when I first experienced sexual attraction and it’s only ever been to one person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
seall Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I have the same question about myself. I think I would need to be really comfortable with someone before being sexually and romantically attracted to them. And that's been my experience, with the two people I have been attracted to. I was in my twenties when I met both of them. I know there are extroverted asexuals out there so asexuality isn't caused by being asocial but for me personally it plays a role in my low level of sexual and romantic attraction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Seclusion Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 4 hours ago, lucyrose_x said: I tend to avoid a lot of social occasions if I can get out of it, Im not anti social though, I want to be more social! And I do feel guilty if I have to cancel something. But just get so anxious before an event, like weeks before, that I'd rather not plan to do stuff and just stick to what I can manage. Yeah, same..! Maybe asocial isn't the right term then--introverted is the better term of the two. Also yeah I'd hate to be in a situation where everyone's focused on sex I find it kind of gross. 1 hour ago, seall said: I think I would need to be really comfortable with someone before being sexually and romantically attracted to them. Yes!! It just seems logical to me that I would have to know someone for a really long time (probably at least a year or longer) before even thinking about getting into a relationship with them. Otherwise it's too sudden/out of the blue and awkward...at least in my opinion. I'm not even comfortable around friends unless I've regularly interacted with them for about a year. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bee3 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I am pretty out there socially and I'm not sexual, so I can't say anything really, but I think you are asexual. I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure you can have sexual thoughts and desires towards someone without having to go talk to them... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lucyrose_x Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 16 hours ago, Seclusion said: Yeah, same..! Maybe asocial isn't the right term then--introverted is the better term of the two. Also yeah I'd hate to be in a situation where everyone's focused on sex I find it kind of gross. Yes!! It just seems logical to me that I would have to know someone for a really long time (probably at least a year or longer) before even thinking about getting into a relationship with them. Otherwise it's too sudden/out of the blue and awkward...at least in my opinion. I'm not even comfortable around friends unless I've regularly interacted with them for about a year. You're definitely not alone in how you feel 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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