Caesarie Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Hi there! I guess I'll start with some generic details about myself. I'm 28 years old and a law student in the flyover state of South Dakota, United States. When I'm not busy with school (which keeps me quite busy), I'm painting, writing, cooking, going for long walks, or engaging in other cerebral, introverted activities. My natural state is hermetic. My pet peeves include bedazzled jeans and people who stand too close to you in the checkout line. So...why I'm here. I've always had an inkling that the way I was attracted to people was not average, or at least did not fit the common, socially acceptable way sexual relationships are initiated these days. I have fleeting thoughts about acquaintances or passers-by looking "cute" or "interesting," but I've only ever wanted to engage sexually with people I know well, trust, and feel an emotional connection with. I've only ever had one serious relationship in my life, and that started as a deep friendship. The fact that people could have casual partners, or that people could move easily from one dating relationship to the next mystified me. When I've attempted the casual approach to sex, it always ended up terribly awkward and frustrating for both me and my partner. I would never consider myself a prude or socially conservative - I'm a strong believer in consenting adults doing whatever they want that doesn't hurt anyone. Additionally, when I was in a relationship based on friendship, I was extremely interested in sex and enjoyed it. That one, serious relationship ended recently, and since then I've found the common approach to dating to be extremely difficult. Recently, after numerous frustrating experiences, I came to realize that I just couldn't proceed without emotional attraction. And getting to the point of being comfortable is difficult because modern dating apps aren't set up to foster patience and it takes a lot of work to explain to everyone I match with my approach to dating. Additionally, because I'm a people-pleaser, I often ended up moving too fast, getting uncomfortable, and having to call it off without a seemingly good reason. When doing some research, I finally found a description that rang true with my experiences - demisexuality. For now, having this label really helps me understand myself. But I'm here to keep learning about this identity. Thanks for reading! Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
lucyrose_x Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Hello and welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Raire Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Hello @Caesarie, and welcome to the forum! Learn away, and don't be afraid to ask if you have questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Welcome! That label seems very fitting based on your expressed experiences. Don't push yourself to do things just to please others, it's your body and your choice, if you don't want to do it you don't have to. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Hello and welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
blueheroness Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 @Caesarie I think my natural state is hermetic too! That is such a great way to say it. 👍I've been using "recluse" as my go-to term for my love of solitude and aloneness. But hermetic has a nicer ring to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Caesarie Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 @blueheroness For sure! I've recently started using hermetic and I like how it sounds kind of sophisticated! Link to post Share on other sites
Vicky Angel Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Welcome Link to post Share on other sites
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