dustymoist Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I'm really new to this website so I don't really know what I'm doing (feel free to call me out if I'm doing anything wrong). Recently, I realized I was asexual as my friends were talking about sexual fantasies and desires. Up until that point, I wasn't aware that people my age already had those -- I thought those didn't really develop until you were older (I'm 13). I looked back on my own crushes and how I thought about them, and realized I really only admired them aesthetically or personality wise; sexual attraction wasn't something I really considered. At that point, I also knew this one guy had a crush on me (he wasn't very subtle), and I knew he was never going to ask me out, but I didn't want him to waste his time crushing on me. I didn't want to tell him straightforwardly (is this even a word??) as I didn't want to overstep my boundaries or make a mistake and embarass either of us, so I came out as aro/ ace on a social media platform as an indirect way of turning him down. That was definitely not a good move on my part. Soon after I posted it, I realized I do crush on guys and that I am romantically attractde to them; they weren't squishes (I definitely am not aromantic!!). That post is deleted now, but people still bring it up when the topic of sexuality comes up. They don't really focus on the aromantic part as they do the asexual part (in fact, no one really brings up the aromantic part). How do I tell people I'm only asexual, not aro/ace? Link to post Share on other sites
Chimeric Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 45 minutes ago, dustymoist said: The problem is, I have a crush on this guy and I'm pretty sure he likes me back, but I know he's seen the post -- what if he's holding asking me out back because he thinks I'm aromantic? What's stopping you from asking him out, instead? =) We go through a lot of changes in our life, it's perfectly normal - especially at your age - to find that your attractions to different people will vary widely and erratically, and may very well bounce from romantic into the realm of sexual and back again. It's okay to let yourself grow, and to admit to yourself and to your friends that maybe you were wrong to have adopted a certain label at a certain point in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Clearly~Dust Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I think that saying you mis-orientationed (is there an orientation version of misgendering??) yourself would be a good way of dealing with this. You could make a new post on the same social media that is more actuate to your orientation. If you wanted, you could make it a like an informational post that gives some definitions of what it means to be asexual and still romantic. I think just talking to this person would be the best way to solve this issue. Chimeric's suggestion to ask him out yourself could actually be the best solution. That way he know's you are interested and you will have the opportunity to explain the details of your orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
GiraffeSpots Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 If you're looking to take it in steps, maybe ask his advice on some merch of your romantic orientation or draw some art or something about it and ask him if it's any good. You can make it all casual like "you happened to be online, ha ha ha" or personal like "I would value your input on this - I've found a label that fits me better and I'm wanting to find a way to bond with it". Link to post Share on other sites
Starspirit42 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 -rubs eyes- 13 year olds talking about sexual fantasies. Anyway. The thing about teens, in other words your peers, is they are prone to make a fuss over little things. I can hear it already, people saying things like "just make up your mind!" Or whatever. Look. My best suggestion there is to just be yourself. Sometimes our interests can fluctuate and change. You don't have to figure it out now, or a year from now, or 5 years from now. Stay true to yourself, because you may change over time, but others can't decide that for you. Meaning, others can't rudely tell you to do something. The important part in a relationship then is communication. But. My suggestion is to talk it out in a small group or one on one. Making public posts opens up a lot of avenues of bad, depending on the audience. If your public space is small group enough (I.e. Tumblr group) then you should be okay. I have faith in you. Stay safe. Sincerely, Someone who teaches math to 13 year olds. Link to post Share on other sites
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