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I'm aromantic but desire a relationship


Zale

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I've truly never felt any kind of feeling towards anyone, and have come to terms with the fact that I'm a sex-repulsed touch-averse asexual aromantic, but I still want a relationship.  I don't know if it's societal influences, the fact that I don't really have good friends to start, or if I really just haven't met the right person like everyone keeps telling me. I'm just wondering what other people think or if anyone has a similar experience.

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By relationship, do you mean having a platonic significant other? Friendship? If the former, then by definition you wouldn't be aromantic.

 

You did mention you don't have many close friends. Are you looking for people with similar interests maybe?

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20 minutes ago, katinthehat said:

By relationship, do you mean having a platonic significant other? Friendship? If the former, then by definition you wouldn't be aromantic.

 

You did mention you don't have many close friends. Are you looking for people with similar interests maybe?

It's just that I don't feel any romantic attraction to anyone, and haven't ever. I'm not totally sure if I'm just wanting to be friends with someone similar to me, like you said, or an actual relationship. Sorry, I don't think I'm making any sense.

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That's similar to what I feel. I kinda want a relationship, but no romance or sexual stuff. I still want it to be more than friends though.

2 minutes ago, Zale said:

It's just that I don't feel any romantic attraction to anyone, and haven't ever. I'm not totally sure if I'm just wanting to be friends with someone similar to me, like you said, or an actual relationship.

There's something called a QPR (queer platonic relationship). It's like dating, but no romance or sexual stuff. Like best friends, but a bit more.

So I guess it could be something like a sensual relationship (does that term even exist?)

Sensual is when you want to be close to someone physically, but still without romance or sexual stuff, so I think it could be a

type of QPR or something.

 

Does this sound similar to what you're feeling?

 

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6 minutes ago, RandomDolphin said:

That's similar to what I feel. I kinda want a relationship, but no romance or sexual stuff. I still want it to be more than friends though.

There's something called a QPR (queer platonic relationship). It's like dating, but no romance or sexual stuff. Like best friends, but a bit more.

So I guess it could be something like a sensual relationship (does that term even exist?)

Sensual is when you want to be close to someone physically, but still without romance or sexual stuff, so I think it could be a

type of QPR or something.

 

Does this sound similar to what you're feeling?

 

Actually, yeah. That pretty much sums up exactly how I'm feeling. Thank you!!

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Galactic Turtle
1 hour ago, Zale said:

sex-repulsed touch-averse asexual aromantic

Me too! (I think)

 

1 hour ago, Zale said:

I don't know if it's societal influences, the fact that I don't really have good friends to start

Growing up I just assumed it was a fate I'd be doomed to but by the time that doomfull part would arrive I would have "blossomed" and welcomed it with eagerness (maybe that time is still coming, who knows). But there are so many things I'd be told I'd like or crave once I got older, the biggest being sex, alcohol, and coffee (no to all three of those!). Sometimes you've just gotta write your own script to life. ^_^

 

From what I've seen thus far in my short 24 years on this planet, a lot of people don't seem to have fulfilling friendships. Some aren't even aware of it until they do really get that awesome friend. Because of this and probably also due to the constant amatonormative messages you get in pretty much every modern day culture, there's this phrase that has bothered me my entire life...

 

31 minutes ago, RandomDolphin said:

more than friends

... which I never understood on a personal level. Has the idea of friendship been cheapened to such an extent? Or are "official relationships" just that much greater? Nevertheless, for most people there really is something "more" they're looking for or at least inherently different in nature from even their closest and longest lasting friendships (which is where I think the "more" comes in). 

 

"Romance" and "romantic" are such ambiguous terms in the context we're talking about but at the end of the day I think many types of people want a partnership (in an emotional sense rather than a business sense) that is "more than" or "inherently different than" their other closest relationships and within that category of people I think there are different ways people naturally express themselves ranging from Titanic-like/Romeo and Juliet-like passionate love to something more muted, simple, or unassuming. The key to any of that is compatibility and if you land further to the extremes of the range I just mentioned, the harder time you'll probably have finding what you're looking for in a partner(s) either coming off as too distant or too overbearing. 

 

It's something to think about. For lots of people a close friend can transform into a desire for a partnership.

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On 2/17/2018 at 1:10 AM, RandomDolphin said:

That's similar to what I feel. I kinda want a relationship, but no romance or sexual stuff. I still want it to be more than friends though.

There's something called a QPR (queer platonic relationship). It's like dating, but no romance or sexual stuff. Like best friends, but a bit more.

So I guess it could be something like a sensual relationship (does that term even exist?)

Sensual is when you want to be close to someone physically, but still without romance or sexual stuff, so I think it could be a

type of QPR or something.

 

Does this sound similar to what you're feeling?

 

Exactly! Queer platonic  romantic/sensual relationship.

 

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I had times when I wanted to be in a relationship in the past I think it was mostly peer pressure. At the time people kept telling me I was going to end up lonely and miserable if I didn't date anyone. TV also made relationships seem perfect and magical. When I actually tried it I learned that it really wasn't my thing. Part of me wanted out. At times it felt like a huge time suck and I really craved my freedom. I also hated being someone's girlfriend and felt like I wasn't myself anymore.

 

I often like relationships on TV and I'm not opposed to the idea, but I can't stand actually being in one. It feels wrong and unnatural. I hate romance and it's also a lot more drama than I want to deal with on a daily basis.

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On 2/17/2018 at 1:38 AM, Galactic Turtle said:

Growing up I just assumed it was a fate I'd be doomed to but by the time that doomfull part would arrive I would have "blossomed" and welcomed it with eagerness (maybe that time is still coming, who knows).

I remember thinking that too but I never blossomed or welcomed it with eagerness. 

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On 2/17/2018 at 6:33 AM, Zale said:

I've truly never felt any kind of feeling towards anyone, and have come to terms with the fact that I'm a sex-repulsed touch-averse asexual aromantic, but I still want a relationship.  I don't know if it's societal influences, the fact that I don't really have good friends to start, or if I really just haven't met the right person like everyone keeps telling me. I'm just wondering what other people think or if anyone has a similar experience.

I do not think that you should be concerned about those feelings, and to resolve your concerns about those feelings, you should understand those feelings. Well, there is a big difference between input and target; input comes in a form of suggestion or intention, and those feelings are suggestion coming from you, and you cannot control them, but you can control your targets. In other words, instead of concerning about those feelings, you can improve your targets regarding other people, establish what kind of interaction you target with other people, and also establish how to actualize those targeted interactions.

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I am wanting a queer platonic relationship really really bad at this point in my life. I've started fantasizing about it. We would each have our own rooms and we would make art together  and show each other, and then they could teach me to cook (or we could learn together)  and I would do stupid stuff all the time to make them laugh.  I think maybe it' really just a desire for friendship, since I don't have a lot of those currently.

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