Poison_Girl Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Hi all I’m 27, female & from the UK (Nottingham), I’m here because I’m trying to figure out my sexuality & find other people who are like me. I’m currently married to a man, who I love dearly. However, I have almost little to no interest in being physical with him. I love cuddling & kissing, but as soon as it goes further I lose interest. This is frustrating for my husband as he has quite a high sex drive & feels rejected when I tell him no. I used to just ‘go along with it’ to keep him happy but I’m at a point now where I just can’t anymore. I can enjoy it at times but often it takes so long get me in mood & honestly if my husband didn’t initiate all activity I’d happily go without. I don’t see it as important to our relationship or my happiness, & much prefer spending quality time together to feel close. I’ve spent a long time trying to figure out why I don’t seem to be ‘normal’ - my female friends talk about sex all the time. I thought maybe it was down to my mental health (I have depression & anxiety & take medication), but now I just think... maybe I’m just not into sex like other people & maybe that’s okay? Just to add to the confusion - I think I might be panromantic. I do fall in love & feel deep, romantic feelings & in the past gender hasn’t really been an issue - I tend to just fall in love with a person for who they are. It’s confusing to be able to feel such deep feelings of being in love without being aroused or interested in sex. Anyway, I’m rambling! This whole ace thing is still totally new to me & im still trying to figure out where I belong on the spectrum. Looking forward to meeting new people& hopefully starting to understand myself more Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Welcome! I'm sorry to hear that you're having a bit of trouble in your relationship. You're not broken, or abnormal, you're just you, and maybe sex just isn't your thing - and that's okay. Don't pressure yourself into it too much, try to talk it out with your husband. Communication is the key to any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Yeast Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 I've read many other posts about people with the same problem you have. They love their spouse but have little desire for sex. This is a good sign you are asexual. There's nothing wrong with that. You are not abnormal. Perhaps discussing asexuality with your partner might demonstrate to him you don't necessarily equate love and sex. However many people refuse to believe there is such a thing as asexuality and I suppose a worst case scenario might involve your partner attempting to "fix" you. None the less I think it is best to try and be honest to prevent your spouse from beginning to believe you don't love him. I believe you mentioned there had been times when you did enjoy sex. Do you know why? If not, try to find out. You may be able to negotiate a compromise with your partner in which they can understand when you are receptive and when you are not. That would certainly be best for both of you. I grew up very isolated from the world with what may have been an asexual parent. I never married because I felt no need to. I do enjoy the company of other people and can form strong bonds but they are intellectual instead of emotional. I hope you can find solutions to your problems. AVEN is a wonderful place to learn about asexuality and share your own experiences too. Link to post Share on other sites
James121 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Just out of interest, how long have you been together? How long have you been married? Did you talk to him about all this before you got married? Link to post Share on other sites
bee3 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Welcome! Have some cake! Perhaps if you explain asexuality to him, he'll understand that it's not his doing. A lot of asexuals on this site talk about how their sexual partner thinks that they are the reason why you don't experience sex like most. Teach him that this just who you are. Also, there is nothing wrong with being panromantic. If you like everyone, that's great! You do you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 Hello and welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
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