I can't stand sex but my fiance is sexual. I just duscovered I am asexual too. Any advice?

[SamKristine]

I always thought that I was going to grow into being sexual or just get used to being more physical with my partner. Now after trying to have a sexual encounter, I have gone from the encourager to the one who does not see sex happening because I don't like it while he is now disappointed it won't happen.

I also don't feel like in compromise by having sex to fulfill his needs because I am not comfortable with sex in the slightest.

What advice would anyone have for me?

[Lucinda]

What advice would you give a good friend who presented the same scenario?

 

Lucinda

[Stheg]

I'm married to a sexual and we've worked it out. Initially, I didn't think I would be willing to have sex ever, but I've come to be able to tolerate it without hating it. That said, I would talk to your fiancé about it, share your concerns, see how he responds, and what happens. Your relationship isn't doomed.

[SamKristine]

Thank you.

It's also a little difficult because he wants to be the submissive and I just...can't.

But we've been together five years without sex, so I think it will be fine. Physical actions haven't been par5 of our relationship before anyway.

I just have some anxiety and I'm figuring out all of this for the first time.

[Guest]

40 minutes ago, SamKristine said:

Thank you.

It's also a little difficult because he wants to be the submissive and I just...can't.

But we've been together five years without sex, so I think it will be fine. Physical actions haven't been par5 of our relationship before anyway.

I just have some anxiety and I'm figuring out all of this for the first time.

Definitely talk to him about how you feel, just in case he's somehow under the impression that you'll want a lot more sex when you're married! I know that sounds odd, but we have quite a few sexual people here who say they were assuming sex would be a regular part of their marriage even if they'd never had sex with their partner before they got married. Then they say they felt deceived that their partner wasn't open with them before-hand about not wanting sex. So talk to him about it just in case!! Maybe even show him this thread

[lilgroundhog]

In your shoes I would consider putting wedding plans on hold until this was resolved.  Getting married with this hanging over you would be a rocky start to a marriage. Sex is a big deal for most people and if you do decide to separate, it will be easier without having to navigate the legal component.  I'm not saying never marry, just consider pushing pause until you figure out if this is what you both want.

[SamKristine]

We've never had sex since I've never really been interested in it. I told him as soon as I found out as well, so we are talking about it.
So far he has been very supportive. He said it wasn't a deal breaker and such. He said it was a little disappointing, but we both feel sex isn't necessary in our loving relationship.
We've already been together for five years without sex, sooooooo

I am waiting a few years until marriage though, so I definitely agree with that. I'll make sure it's not going to ruin our relationship before we get married.

Thank you!!!