AAAA SOMEONE PLZ HELP

[Steven Jewnivurse]

Soooo I have a crush on an aromatic. What should I do?! Should I tell her I like her or do I just ask her to be my squish? I have no idea. Someone please tell me.

 

[binary suns]

Not everyone is the same 

 

 

I’d be a little uncomfortable hearing someone had feelings for me BUT I’d be flattered and thankful they told me. 

 

I dont know how I’d respond. It’d depend on who they were. A stranger or peer I’d politely turn down. A friend or close friend I’d wanna talk it out with them probably. If we are to be friends only, personally I’d need to be able to give em a chance to express themselves, and at some point discuss what is and isn’t okay about what gestures or verbal expressions they display for me. 

 

But it I dunno if most people might be more stressed out or unforgiving. For an aro, everything being romantic can be overwhelming. It might be hurtful for her to have her friendship feel unappreciated. 

 

 

Sometimes you you just have crushes for people you can’t be with. It’s hard it is. Or crushes for people who can’t feel the same way. You kinda have to deal with your own emotions without them involved in that process. Have you been through something like that before?

[binary suns]

I been on both sides of unreciprocated feelings, but only once each time. When the girl fell for me and I turned her down, I lost a friend. When I fell for someone who didn’t feel it back... I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t face her, it hurt to much the disparity between our feelings. But like I said, that’s just two incident. 

[Baam]

Since she's aromantic, I don't think you're going to do any good to your relationship with her by telling her that you like her romantically. It also may be really painful to you if you both enter a queerplatonic relationship, because you're going to be wanting the romantic side to a relationship (I assume) which she will not be able to reciprocate. It's obviously up to you, but my personal advice is to just try and let it go. It's very unlikely anything good will come from pursuing romantic feelings with an aromantic person, even if you try and disguise it as a platonic relationship (beyond remaining friends/as you are now).

 

Just to show that everyone reacts differently, I probably wouldn't react so well as @float on. I think I'd find it extremely hard to continue on with the same platonic relationship I had before with that friend if they admitted they had a crush on me. There's no way to tell how she will act if you tell her. You're taking a risk, but if you think it's worth it, go for it.

[GiraffeSpots]

It depends on the context of how you tell her. I've been asked out by both friends and strangers before - the strangers just kinda made me feel awkward but they were also mostly drunk. I've been asked out by a good friend I actually had a squish on but wasn't out to and didn't know how to explain, I rambled so much he kinda politely retracted his offer to go lick his wounds. My tip from that would be ask her if she has any squishes or ever wants a Queer Platonic Partner. Getting to know what she wants from life would be good.

 

Two weeks later, a different good friend drunk texted me to say she loved me, instantly retracted it and made me pretend she never said it. Then, she started getting way more touchy feely and staying up watching tv with me past midnight (Turns out, I don't know how to ask people to leave) read me her poetry and things about her started clicking into place - she told me about a much younger boy who had a crush on me (uncool, not hers to tell, he wanted it to stay secret) and preasured me into coming out to her before anyone else on our course, tried to manipulate my friendship with another girl, got me to keep loads of secrets and turns out, she was the one who told the first guy that I plain old ment no, and to un-ask me out. She later told me she had a squish on me, and clearly wanted me to reciprocate. Even though I do squish like crazy, that was really horrible because I didn't believe her and I was uncomfortable with everything she was doing. I'm not friends with her anymore.

 

My tip is don't do that. A squish is a beautiful thing, but you can't force it. And be honest with yourself - is a squish what you feel, or is it something else? Because, if like friend 2 you say you want it but you really want something else, that's not fair on either of you.

 

Anywho, since friend 1 didn't make me feel under any preassure to reciprocate, I kept my distance for a wee bit but then went back to normal since he seemed like her was over it. That's probably not very encouraging as a message to you, but if you just want to be honset - "hey, I feel this way about you. I know you won't feel it back, but maybe I need a bit of space to get over it so i don't make things awkward" isn't a bad way to go. Deffo ask her about squishes and qpps first though - if that works for you both it is a wonderful thing!