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I hate feeling so invalid!


Stargirl97

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Yesterday I was attacked with hurtful words about how asexuality isn’t real and how I need to have sex more and I need to have a “girl talk” with her because I guess now she thinks I’m juvenile for not wanting sex. I explained very clearly that I’m asexual and what that means but she would just say “You have to try sex again, pleeeease? You’ll love it, I know you will. Sex is VERY important in a relationship.” Meanwhile I’m trying to get over my break up that ended because of my asexuality. Sometimes I hate being ace!!

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Being ace can be hard at times, I hope that people stop saying that stuff, they probably just don't understand it very well, have you tried explaining it to them and showing them different resources that show other people are like that too?

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1st of all, something to think to anytime you feel invalid.

you_are_valid__by_wolfie_waffles-da5ddvb

I know what it can be like facing invalidity (and the lasting impact of it). Just know that it is getting better (maybe slowly, but surely).

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everywhere and nowhere

Cake%20Decorating%20finished%20cake%20-%

 

Be proud of standing by your identity. People who urge everyone to have sex are intolerant and violent.

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2 hours ago, Stargirl97 said:

Yesterday I was attacked with hurtful words about how asexuality isn’t real and how I need to have sex more and I need to have a “girl talk” with her because I guess now she thinks I’m juvenile for not wanting sex. I explained very clearly that I’m asexual and what that means but she would just say “You have to try sex again, pleeeease? You’ll love it, I know you will. Sex is VERY important in a relationship.” Meanwhile I’m trying to get over my break up that ended because of my asexuality. Sometimes I hate being ace!!

Next time show her this study:

https://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/13/130514-edible-insects-entomophagy-science-food-bugs-beetles/

 

And insist that she SHOULD eat more bugs... after all proteins are VERY  important to our health and people in other palaces do it!  Promise her that she will love it once she tries it.

if she makes a gross face or refuses ask her "How do you know you wont like to eat grubs if youve NEVER tired it?!?!" or "maybe you just haven't eaten the RIGHT bug and once you do you will love it!" 

 

People need to realize that just because they or others enjoy something be it eating bugs as a delicacy or sex...its not for everyone.

 

Sorry that is my blunt response to idiots that dont respect my orientation and life choices.

 

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Sex is important only when you want to reproduce yourself. That's its main purpose.

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Who is this person? Don't listen to that garbage. Don't talk to her anymore; she'll get the message. Unlikely she'll change her behavior though. You don't need people who are going to dismiss, disrespect, or try to invalidate you. 

 

2 hours ago, Stargirl97 said:

my break up that ended because of my asexuality

This is not your problem. It's your ex's problem for treating you like just a fuck toy for them to "satisfy their needs" with. If a sexual person "needs" sex so badly, they should stay the hell away from us. Instead of acting on their delusions or their hope that we'll "sexually awaken". Love is accepting someone for who they are, not trying to force them to change into what someone else wants to fulfill their own selfish desires or to gain some personal benefit.

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22 minutes ago, Zatarra said:

Sorry that is my blunt response to idiots that dont respect my orientation and life choices.

Sadly I've found too many people who don't understand that asexuality IS an orientation. Next time it comes out in my place of work, I'm going to have the guts to name and shame and advise some more diversity training...

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Ugh. I get you. I get this. It's the repetitive "you just have to wait for the right person..." bs. Asexuality is just as valid as being hetero-normative. Some people struggle to understand that there is great diversity when observing sexual orientation and gender identity. You just have to tell those people to grow up and crack a book because even though we are a sexual minority, we exist and we are not dysfunctional.

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Thanks everyone! I feel like half the people I barely open myself up to shut me down on my asexuality. This is why we need media representation... that USE the word ‘asexual’.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Asexuality is "a thing" and OK as far as I know.  However, if the world does not know it or accept it as such, we can be in places where we don't seem to fit or where others offer shame or ridicule or insensitivity.  We don't need that.  The risk is that we accept these messages and internalize them.  So when we are shut down, shut out or considered invalid, we need to take care to build ourselves up intentionally.  Self-acceptance and self-worth are priceless--but in everyone, these falter at times--especially in bad environments.  If someone throws bricks at you, duck--then build a nice little wall between you and that crummy person.

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Mezzo Forte

My question is what would having sex really accomplish if you don't want it? How would the person you're having sex with feel if you were just trying it out of obligation? I always tell people that if I end up wanting sex/romance, then I will pursue it from that point forward. It wouldn't be fair to a potential romantic/sexual partner for me to basically use them just to try and experience the things that other people are telling me to experience. 

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