Pdrdmf Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I’ve been married to my wife for 20 years. While our sex life was never great, we’ve now gone 8 years with no sex. I suspect she is asexual, but she also refuses any and ALL touching. No hugs, no kisses, not even holding hands. Is that common with asexual people? I’ve been very patient with her aversion to intimacy, but it is starting to take its toll on me. I’ve thought about asking her if she’s open to me having intimate relationships with others, but I also don’t want to get divorced. I feel like I’m the only one in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeisnotlost Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I think that it is possible she might be asexual. Aversion to touch is very common.You could talk to her about it. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeisnotlost Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I found a that might help earlier let me see if I can find it Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 You're not alone - have a read of the Partners, Friends and Allies section of this forum. What does she say when you discuss how you both feel about sex? Link to post Share on other sites
hopeisnotlost Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 can't find the article:^(.Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 It's a whole section. https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/30-for-sexual-partners-friends-and-allies/ Link to post Share on other sites
bee3 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I will be honest, I am not a marriage expert. But, I don't seem the harm in just asking her about it, understanding how she feels. Maybe even showing her this website. Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Moved from Questions about Asexuality to For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies. TheAP Questions about Asexuality co-mod Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 You are not the only one, it is painful and please keep reading. While not ideal, I’m glad you’ve found your way here and are searching for answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Twisters Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Oh boy, you’re certainly not alone, although it doesn’t sound you have an easy case on your hand. We’ve been together for 21 years now and while our sex life has never been phenomenal, it has absolutely gone downhill. I have always been thinking it was me being a bad lover, the renovation of the house, the kids, moving etc. I have always fallen for the excuses and was so tired of the rejections I didn’t even dare to bring it up as it would add to all the other stress in modern day life (while the opposite should actually be the case). I have been banned from the bedroom about two months ago, after been asked to sleep with my back to her for years... I guess that was the straw that broke my back. I’m looking for solutions now. Having said all this I still deeply care for my wife and our family, the last thing I want is break what we have. Even though I’m very results oriented and the thought of having a lover outside of my marriage had crossed my mind as a potentially viable solution, I’m also very much aware I need to make a long journey in order to make this into a situation that is palatable for both of us. If you want to power through this regardless of the consequences, I would say get a divorce right away. It will probably save you a lot of trouble. I can’t imagine that having a meaningful relationship aside of a meaningful marriage is easy at all. But why continue with something that is not meaningful in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
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