greetings guys, gals and nonbinary pals!

[Feline-of-the-Moon]

Hi!

My name's Amelia and I am demisexual. I joined this site a few days ago after discovering it but got anxious over posting anything so... second try! I'm doing an argument for asexuality in Enlgish and that's when I stumbled upon this wonderful community! And I'm really glad I discovered it, because reading through all the interactions of this community makes my heart go warm. I kind of feel at home.

 

As a kid, I never got crushes. I hated when all the girls at school would gush and sigh over the cute guy in class. I remember one time at camp in grade 5, one of the guys started crying and all the girls at my table were going "aww, he's crying! He's so cute!" while I just sat there thinking "leave him alone?? I don't get what's so cute about a guy crying? He's probably feeling really insecure right now and your staring and squealing isn't helping him" I just couldn't understand the point of getting crushes. I thought they were ridiculous and a waste of time. It's probably not going to happen anyway. I remember being proud of the fact that I didn't get crushes. I had a few of my close guy friends confess to me in grade 1, mostly because I was the cool girl who brought rubber spiders and toy dinosaurs to school. I accepted their confessions 1. because I was 5 and didn't know what was happening and 2. because they were close to me, I knew them and they were familiar. Going into high school was a weird experience because all of a sudden everyone was getting together and kissing at the lockers, and my friends were all getting crushes while I just sat in the corner with a raised eyebrow. I got no crushes. And then I got one in year 8 and freaked out really badly because I had no idea what was going on and what I was feeling, but that's a different story. I started to feel weird that I wasn't crushing on anyone. Whenever I got asked if I had one my answer was always no, and I would get weird looks and then someone would say "come on, there has to be someone" but there never was. I started asking myself questions like; am I supposed to have a crush? Is it something that's expected of me? So I started looking at the guys in my year level and kind of forced myself to be attracted to them. Studied their features to find something that appealed to me. It never really worked. It always felt fake to me. I never felt anything for them because I didn't know them.

About... two years ago? Maybe a year and a half, I'm not sure. But when I was 16 I was introduced by a friend to the different sexualities, and I remember being really excited about learning all of them. Though I don't think I did it well at the time because I just looked at the definition and went "oh, cool, okay" but there's so much more behind those definitions. At first I thought I was pan, but that was quickly crushed because my friends kind of bullied me for it. I was still discovering myself so when I said to them "I think I'm pan?" they immediately laughed and grabbed a cooking pan, because we were in the school kitchen, and asked me if I was attracted to it. From then on, my friends started asking me if I wanted to fuck a rollarcoaster or jump into this trashcan and make love to it and it just made me feel awful. But I guess their bullying helped me discover that I'm demisexual. Don't get me wrong, they're awful people and i don't consider them my friends anymore, but sometimes I just have to stick the middle finger up at them and go "fuck you, I got over your shitty behavior and became better"

 

Discovering demisexuality was... like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I felt so content with myself, and I was so excited that I came out to my mum just a few weeks after. That was a bad idea. She kept on asking about it afterwards and getting me to repeat the definition like a broken record. Until last year, on the very first day of school, I come home and she sits me down for a conversation. She tells me that she went to my sister's therapist, my sister who came out alongside me as asexual, and told her about what was going on. The therapist told my mother that we were just seeking attention and trying to "squeeze" ourselves into the LGBT community. We were making up these sexual orientations in order to feel part of the "trend". My mother agreed with a therapist that she's known for a year, over the two daughters she gave birth to. I cried so much that day because I was so confused. My mother seemed like such a kind and understanding person and I thought she would accept me. Turns out she is not who I thought she was. She is homophobic, racist, transphobic and basically hates all sexualities. I will never forget that fight because it had such a huge impact on me. It pisses me off when people tell me to move on from it, you've accepted yourself, no need to worry what your mum thinks. I live with her. I can't really get over it when the person who made me cry for two days straight comes into my room whenever she pleases!  One thing she said to me that stuck out the most was her saying "if you said to me that you're gay I would love you even more" I asked her why this, me coming out as demisexual, is any different. I can't remember her reply, but it was probably something along the lines of "because this 'demisexuality' doesn't exist" I could go on and on about the aftermath, about how she cried a few days later and made me feel guilty for being mad at her, but I don't want this to be too long that it would annoy someone.

 

Now I'm turning 18 and I think I finally feel comfortable with myself again. After that fight I was always questioning myself, wondering if I should just give up my sexuality in order to make my mum happy. But I'm alright with myself now. I'm fighting against her and my dad. Mum's still grasping onto the hope that my sister will have sex one day, so whenever she brings it up I immediately stomp her down, repeating every time "mum. You have to understand that Giulia doesn't want that and she never will" but she still won't take the time to listen and try to understand. I don't know if she ever will. But if she doesn't, well, then she's not getting any credit in any of the books I write. 

 

Thank you for giving me a space to tell my story. I'm really excited to be a part of this community and to hear others stories!! 

 

- Amelia

[Ffyhdry]

Hey there!
My name is Maddy and I'm also a demisexual. 

I first thought I was asexual from 15-17 and then I realized I was definitely demi once I hit 18 and had my first serious relationship. when I was maybe 16 I was came out to my mum and told her I was ace and she just told me I was wrong and I'm a late bloomer, I guess maybe in a way she was right, but I don't feel sexual attraction like almost all the people around me do. Today I mentioned demisexuality as a 21 yr old and she didn't even acknowledge what I'd said, but I guess that's just her - luckily she lives on the other side of the country to me. 

I've always felt a bit out of place in our over sexualised society and even in high school when everyone started experimenting with each other. 
I had a handful of close friends who i told and they've accepted me as I am, which is really lovely. 

Since my relationship ended and I felt ready to move on, I decided to jump on Tinder (I know, but I needed to try). HOLY HECK is it hard getting into the dating world! I didn't realize just how difficult it would be. I admit I did meet a couple of great people through Tinder but I was definitely not prepared for that pandora's box. 
Some days I curse this demi life and others I embrace it. It seems to make life pretty damn simple when I think about it.
I hope you're enjoying demi life and don't feel too lonely because of it! 

[Lia]

Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

[Gldlynch]

Hey Feline-of-the-Moon

 

Welcome to AVEN! Hopefully you settle in alright around here (:

 

It's great to hear you know who you are but I'm also sorry to hear that you had to go through a rough patch with your friends and you mum. I can't begin to imagine the pain when they tried denying you of the truth... however please know that you aren't alone. Demisexuality is a real orientation. It may not be as well known as the preferences of gay, bisexual, lesbian, but it does not make it any less important; we are all important and valid.

 

Growing up in high school is never easy, especially when you find your friends "gushing" over how sexy a guy looks without his shirt and you sort of think to yourself... I'm more of a clothing and humour person... *sweaty palms* Most people of the asexual spectrum have probably experienced that sort of awkward moment.

 

Anyway, don't let anyone ever tell you that your sexual orientation is wrong, broken or gross. We are all destined to be different, that's what makes the world colourful and interesting.

 

Best of luck!

[Lucas Monteiro]

First of all, welcome to AVEN, you will find a lot of people here who can be supportful to you and we are really a diverse community, you will find many who are demisexual, asexul and even sexual people here.

 

Let me say that you are really strong for having to stand up for yourself and even handling the aftermath from your decision, it's not anyone who can do this, and crying doesn't mean that you are weak, it just means that you were going through some heavy moments, it's completely normal. 

 

I'm sorry that your friends weren't supportive to you, and that you felt somehow awful, but know they were not your true friends otherwise they would accept you for who you are, and I believe it was for the best for you to part ways, and at the same time know that you became better. With your mother, the situation it's truly more difficult because you would naturally expect her to be supportive to you and she wasn't and because you live with her, everyday can be a struggle. And I'm sorry again for having to go through this with her, she should have accepted you and your sister, but if she is all those things you said, the best thing to do it's to take distance somehow and if she wants to be close to you she will have to accept you. You could try to go out of home for not having to stay seeing her everyday, but I don't know if it would be possible for you right now, at least when the time come, you definitely should try if she keeps invalidating you.

 

Understand too that demisexuality and asexuality are new terms to society and media, many people still don't get the concept and think that are fake and that we are trying to fit in something just to be special just like you said, but this couldn't be more wrong. With visibility and time, more people will see that it's a real thing, and maybe open their minds towards it. 

 

I'm happy that you feel more comfortable about your sexuality, and you will find lots of resources about demisexuality here on AVEN and basically about almost every sexuality, so you can maybe even discover more things about yourself. And while talking about that, you could try to show to your sister the forum, as you said she is asexual it would be really nice for her to see she is not alone and there are others who feel the same way, and that her sexuality is valid.

 

(Just ignore this part if you want )

 

Ah, @binlass welcome to AVEN too. You could do a new post talking about yourself on the welcome lounge if you want, for everybody to see you.

[Lichley]

Welcome! I'm sorry to hear that people have been unaccepting of your identity. I'm not sure if this will help, but maybe if you try to educate your mum with sources it might help? http://www.asexualityarchive.com/a-parents-guide-to-asexuality/

Whether or not it helps, we'll support you and your sister no matter what, so if you even need help or answers feel free to ask  

[Alejandrogynous]

Welcome to AVEN, fellow Thomas Sanders fan.