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Galactic Turtle

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Galactic Turtle

Hello humans. ^_^

 

Next month I'll be going to the doctor for the first time in around six years. Last time I went, I was a few months away from turning 18 so like usual my mom went in with me. I've never gone as an "adult" before and had a few questions.

 

1. My parents want me to bring up my general sexual condition (belief in asexuality, lack of libido, disinterest in finding a partner) with the doctor to see if there could be a medical explanation for it. From what I remember, a doctor usually only asks you if you're sexually active so... is it odd to bring that up? Will I automatically sound like I'm out of my mind?

 

2. They also want me to inquire about autism testing for adults. They've been operating under the assumption that I'm somewhere on the spectrum and they'd like to have a professional opinion. I personally don't think I'm on the spectrum at all and even if I were, I managed to get to adulthood just fine. It has been a point of contention.

 

3. The last time I had an appointment, they tried to give me the HPV vaccine but because of my fear of shots it only took a little bit of fussing on my part for my mom to let it slide (she was glad this would be my last appointment with her in the room). Even if I weren't asexual, physical contact sets me off so badly I just... can't see myself ever willingly having sex. Is this something to bring up in terms of getting a second opinion on if I should get this vaccination?

 

4. Also is it even worth asking about sterilization/reproductive system removal/closure?

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A lack of libido can sometimes be due to a hormone imbalance so it's not weird to ask a doctor about it... if you want to.  

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1 hour ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Hello humans. ^_^

 

Next month I'll be going to the doctor for the first time in around six years. Last time I went, I was a few months away from turning 18 so like usual my mom went in with me. I've never gone as an "adult" before and had a few questions.

 

1. My parents want me to bring up my general sexual condition (belief in asexuality, lack of libido, disinterest in finding a partner) with the doctor to see if there could be a medical explanation for it. From what I remember, a doctor usually only asks you if you're sexually active so... is it odd to bring that up? Will I automatically sound like I'm out of my mind?

 

2. They also want me to inquire about autism testing for adults. They've been operating under the assumption that I'm somewhere on the spectrum and they'd like to have a professional opinion. I personally don't think I'm on the spectrum at all and even if I were, I managed to get to adulthood just fine. It has been a point of contention.

 

3. The last time I had an appointment, they tried to give me the HPV vaccine but because of my fear of shots it only took a little bit of fussing on my part for my mom to let it slide (she was glad this would be my last appointment with her in the room). Even if I weren't asexual, physical contact sets me off so badly I just... can't see myself ever willingly having sex. Is this something to bring up in terms of getting a second opinion on if I should get this vaccination?

 

4. Also is it even worth asking about sterilization/reproductive system removal/closure?

1. Is you identifying as ace, having a lack in libido and a disinterest in finding a partner a problem for you? Because if not, I don't think it is relevant to ask a doctor about it. The way you worded that it appears your parents are the ones with the hang up on that front, not you.

 

2. Again, is you being autistic a problem for you? Is it holding you back? If the answer is no then who cares. This along with 1. is giving me serious "I don't understand asexual" vibes from your parents. I mean, it is ok to not understand something but they need to realise this is who you are. That there is nothing wrong with you.

 

3. If you give the doctor this information about yourself it is likely they will not suggest getting it.

 

4. Those things you mention are serious procedures. I can't pretend to know your reasons for why you have them in mind but it is a heck of a lot to put your body through and very likely they will suggest not to pursue that.

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OMG!!! Just get a physical examination and please resist your parents using medical science to "fix" you. Where I live this "science" gave birth to bacteria just a few steps away from being resistant to every antibiotic known to man. Let us not forget the great American opiate crisis due to the pharmaceutical industry placing profit before anything else. Say NO to the drugs, and the therapy and anything else someone who only thinks their next Caribbean holiday is worth.  You are not broken!! What's broken is the medical system. Not all of it but as far as what your parents might want to expose you to - Just say NO. Physicians can walk all over you but after all is said and done they have no authority to demand that  your body's is theirs. Your body is your OWN. Don' ever let them convince you otherwise. Medical science is not useless, but until I break a leg or give birth you doctors are out of a job!  

 

Good luck my galactic friend.  

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1. Not weird at all. People ask doctors all kinds of crazy questions! Yours will seem quite normal compared to some of the stuff they usually get :D

... but in all seriousness, I've asked myself, but be prepared that they'll probably want to test your hormone levels if you mention low libido, and that usually involves drawing blood. I know you said you have a fear of needles...I just wanted to warn you on that front. 

 

2. I agree with above posters on this one...have you had trouble maintaing friendships, jobs, keeping up with everyday tasks like bills, etc? If not, then I don't think a test is necessary here. Of course, you mention having issues with touch, but this could very well be unrelated to autism. If it bothers you, nothing wrong with testing! But if it doesn't, then why bother? 

 

3. If you tell them you're asexual and not planning to be sexually active I can't imagine them pushing that vaccine. 

 

4. If you're not planning on having sex then there's really no reason to be sterilized. Also, most doctors are morally against sterilization because it's taking away someone's ability to have kids when a lot of people do change their minds later on in life. Especially considering you're only 24 and have a good 10 or 15 years of childbearing years left, I can't imagine you could find any doctor that wouldn't try to talk you out of it. 

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Galactic Turtle
1 hour ago, umbasa said:

1. Is you identifying as ace, having a lack in libido and a disinterest in finding a partner a problem for you? Because if not, I don't think it is relevant to ask a doctor about it. The way you worded that it appears your parents are the ones with the hang up on that front, not you.

 

2. Again, is you being autistic a problem for you? Is it holding you back? If the answer is no then who cares. This along with 1. is giving me serious "I don't understand asexual" vibes from your parents. I mean, it is ok to not understand something but they need to realise this is who you are. That there is nothing wrong with you.

 

3. If you give the doctor this information about yourself it is likely they will not suggest getting it.

 

4. Those things you mention are serious procedures. I can't pretend to know your reasons for why you have them in mind but it is a heck of a lot to put your body through and very likely they will suggest not to pursue that.

I don't think the way I am is a problem but while it's not a problem, it certainly isn't normal. My parents go back and forth on acceptance. I think they'd be more inclined to think I'm not sabotaging my own life if there wasn't a medical explanation for the way I'm feeling. As for other procedures, I know it's highly unlikely there's even an option there. I would just feel a lot safer that if someone wanted to have sex with me, they wouldn't be physically able to. I'm concerned about that type of situation.

 

29 minutes ago, Yeast said:

OMG!!! Just get a physical examination and please resist your parents using medical science to "fix" you. Where I live this "science" gave birth to bacteria just a few steps away from being resistant to every antibiotic known to man. Let us not forget the great American opiate crisis due to the pharmaceutical industry placing profit before anything else. Say NO to the drugs, and the therapy and anything else someone who only thinks their next Caribbean holiday is worth.  You are not broken!! What's broken is the medical system. Not all of it but as far as what your parents might want to expose you to - Just say NO. Physicians can walk all over you but after all is said and done they have no authority to demand that  your body's is theirs. Your body is your OWN. Don' ever let them convince you otherwise. Medical science is not useless, but until I break a leg or give birth you doctors are out of a job!  

 

Good luck my galactic friend.  

Perhaps. My confidence level wavers a lot on this topic. I just want to be able to say that I tried my best. I'm really wary of going to the doctor which is why I haven't been since I turned eighteen. I'm only going now to get something signed so I can get my learner's permit for driving but they said I'd have to go through an entire physical where they'd ask me various questions about life.

 

13 minutes ago, SilentRose said:

1. Not weird at all. People ask doctors all kinds of crazy questions! Yours will seem quite normal compared to some of the stuff they usually get :D

... but in all seriousness, I've asked myself, but be prepared that they'll probably want to test your hormone levels if you mention low libido, and that usually involves drawing blood. I know you said you have a fear of needles...I just wanted to warn you on that front. 

 

2. I agree with above posters on this one...have you had trouble maintaing friendships, jobs, keeping up with everyday tasks like bills, etc? If not, then I don't think a test is necessary here. Of course, you mention having issues with touch, but this could very well be unrelated to autism. If it bothers you, nothing wrong with testing! But if it doesn't, then why bother? 

 

3. If you tell them you're asexual and not planning to be sexually active I can't imagine them pushing that vaccine. 

 

4. If you're not planning on having sex then there's really no reason to be sterilized. Also, most doctors are morally against sterilization because it's taking away someone's ability to have kids when a lot of people do change their minds later on in life. Especially considering you're only 24 and have a good 10 or 15 years of childbearing years left, I can't imagine you could find any doctor that wouldn't try to talk you out of it. 

I didn't know hormone tests required needles. Thanks for the heads up. @__@ 

 

I'm also of the opinion that if I made it to adulthood and deal with things in perfectly acceptable ways, there's no reason to try to get a diagnosis for things. I do think that if I did, my parents might be able to place my asexuality on that instead of me just being frigid.

 

Maybe sterilization is the wrong word? I just want that entire area of my body gone. Like if there was no physical opening for people to get into, I'd feel a lot safer.

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confused lil bee

Ok so here's my opinion;

1.  Only bring up the asexual/lack of libido thing if it bothers you or you personally want to discuss it. I assume your parents concern is that your asexuality etc. is due to hormonal issues...As @SilentRose said that involves needles and those tests usually cost money (idk where you are but even in Australia there's a gap for that kind of thing) and if you are fine just existing as you are I'd skip on it.

 

2. Just enquiring about autism testing would probably be quite easy and the doctor would probably understand if you mentioned it's more about nagging from parents. But again, is it bothering you? If not your parents can mind their own bees wax imo

 

3.  Definitely bring up the severe touch aversion as a primary thing.  As far as I know HPV isn't exactly the most vital vaccine? But obviously it would be up to your doctor to assess risk factors etc. 

 

4. I have wanted to get my tubes tied for years and no-one will even do that especially if you're under 30 or have no children/ known health problems. Hysterectomy is even harder to get without serious medical reasons, and I don't believe any doctor would agree to the removal of the genital area. It would be insanely risky.

3 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Maybe sterilization is the wrong word? I just want that entire area of my body gone. Like if there was no physical opening for people to get into, I'd feel a lot safer.

If you are extremely concerned with what sounds like possibility of sexual assault I'd suggest seeing a therapist. They can help you deal with it in a way that works for you e.g. mitigating feelings of unsafeness, setting boundaries and just being there to talk to. 

(Therapy was one of the best things I've ever done I'll tell you that right now)

 

Good luck, navigating the medical system wherever you are!

 

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RunningStrong

I literally just yesterday went to a new doctor and had some of these discussions. Here's what I learned.

My situation is different from yours - I have a husband, and he and I are wanting to work on our physical/sexual relationship. My doctor seemed to somewhat understand my asexuality, but also did have some concerns about hormone levels (I won't get into details why here, but they make logical sense to me based on my own medical history). I'm going to be getting blood tests next week (which, as others have said, involves needles - that freaks me out too!)

I don't know how doctors visits work where you are (I'm in Canada), but would it be possible to have an informal consult with a new doctor before committing to tests and REALLY getting in to big life-changing medical decisions? I've never had a family doctor do something like this on first visit (until I visited a new one yesterday), and I really like the approach :)

All this to say: Unless YOU, personally, think there's a medical issue (i.e. hormone imbalance, inconsistent periods, etc.), you don't need to undergo any tests you don't wish to. That being said, IMHO, it's important to feel comfortable enough with your physician to be transparent about these things.

Hope this helps?

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Janus the Fox

Without any other concerning symptoms to you that's giving grief to you alone, it should not be somebody else's problem.  Be frank with it with the doctor that you're not interested and should not be of any concern.  For most purposes a doc may suggest a blood test to satisfy a concerned parent.  I had to go down that route.

 

Autism is a very different issue to bring up, often autism can be picked up by hopefully many educational institutes by now.  For autism to be diagnosed, a full social and sensory history to be made, depending on where the spectrum a person is, it has to be marked with a historical problem with communication since the development of language and when at the age language was picked up, the ability to communicate and mix with friends, maintaining those through life, marked sensory problems, like problems with the 5 senses of any kind and any point, including that of any learning differences, school reports hold a lot of answers even though autism was not known at the time in my case.  A lot is asked over a long time under some form of adult autism assessment and it has to be something that it's also making a life impact now, like losing friends or jobs due to communication problems, all communication outlets can be assessed, written, verbal like dealing with phone calls etc... it highly depends on the assessing doctor.  It took me about 9 months of assessment after a college tutor and job advisers brought it up originally.

 

I think it's not worth bringing up sterilization/reproductive system removal/closure at this time until your parents drop your health concerns.

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I can only echo what everyone above has already said.

 

However, something you've said @Galactic Turtle should provide some answers - you are now an adult. 

 

That does mean your parents can ask things of you, but you are under no obligation to follow orders. And in any case, you don't have to inform them of the medical condition of your body if you don't want to. It's good that they care enough to recommend topics to bring up during the appointment, don't get me wrong... but you can make your own decisions as to what you want to speak to the doctor about, and also whether you need / want to see the doctor in the first place. 

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Hey Galactic Turtle

 

I'm sorry to say that asexuality isn't a diagnosis, meaning we can no longer call in "sick" because we are "queer". Gutted.

 

On a serious note, even though many of us are confident asexuals it doesn't automatically determine our sex life. Whilst most of us prefer not to engage in sexual activity because we don't find anyone sexually attractive, it is wildly possible to still end up in a sexual encounter. E.g. sexual assault, etc. Asexuality is not caused by a hormone imbalance, nor is it a mental dysfunction; it's an orientation that is just as valid as the hetero-normative society.

 

I remember when I was with my doctor and she asked if I was sexually active. I bursted into laughter and said, "God no! You don't need to worry about that!" She looked a little startled so a clarified that my interest in sex consists of a heavy "lack of."

 

I hope your appointment goes well and we will always be here for support!

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Like you said, you're an adult. Your parents no longer have any say in what you see a doctor for, especially if you don't agree with them.

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EggplantWitch

Short answer: do whatever you want. You're an adult.

 

Slightly longer answer: You should get the HPV vaccination. The momentary fear is worth a lifetime safe in the knowledge that no matter what happens you're not going to get cervical cancer or the like. Any nurses who administer it will have plenty of experience with people who have a phobia of needles, so there's really nothing to worry about (though I know that's easier said than done).

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everywhere and nowhere

But why should someone get an HPV vaccine if they are at no risk of contracting the virus?

I'm not afraid of injections - they are unpleasant, but I can stand it. The only thing I just can't do is consciously cause myself pain, which means I couldn't inject myself with a drug (I carry a heavy dose of anti-allergy drugs to use in case of an acute reaction, but I've always used them sublingually anyway because I just can't put a needle into my skin). But I would nevertheless object to an HPV vaccine. I'm not planning to have sex ever, so I simply don't need it. Usually the benefits of vaccines vastly outweigh the risks, but still any vaccine can cause an adverse reaction in a small proportion of patients (sometimes not even so small - for example flu vaccines seem to be hardly effective. This is purely anecdotal evidence, but once my mom got vaccinated against flu, then she brought another dose home to vaccinate me - and we both had an unpleasant state resembling mild flu for almost the whole winter). So if a person is at extremely low risk of contracting a disease, particularly if it's not airborne, then why not let them drop this particular vaccine?

I don't object to HPV vaccines in general, but people who don't want to have sex should have a right to drop them.

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