Help appreciated

[Akashi]

Alright so Ive identified as asexual for quite a while now. Its been a few yeas since i found out what the term means and that its something that i feel. 

 

Now, im having the same struggles as I did but this time with my romantic attraction. Ive never given it much thought but always said ive been panromantic. 

 

The other day a video about being aromantic popped up and i decided to look into my own romantic orientation. Am i aromantic or something along those lines?

 

The first issue i can come up is that ive had crushes before. So i had romantic feelings before, right? But when i think back on it, it was usually in people i barely knew and that went away when i got closer to them or got to talk to them more. Were they squishies then? Thats likely. Only one case gives me mixed feelings. I told this guy i had a crush on him and i was upset but then that kind of went away within a day. But what exactly does a crush feel like? Do i even know or have they been a squish but i simply thought it was a crush because of society and the standards it has for us?

 

After two of my friends together i felt really upset but it wasnt because i liked either of them. I have no idea why it even upset me. Ive always craved romance though and im a hopeless romantic. I love romantic novels and i cry over sad films. I have aesthetic crushes and ive imagined myself in some relationships but it never really felt romantic for me. Just something i wish i could live through.. and yet im not sure how i feel about being in a relationship. 

 

I know theres lithomantic (not sure of the spelling) and perhas thats what it is? But did i feel attracted to them?

 

I crave the cuddles, the taking care of each other and being there for each other, being able to confide in someone and not be afraid of wanting close contant (holdings hands, leaning against each other, etc). I know i care physical touch like so but do i want a relationship or just a close friendship? I dont even know myself. 

 

I know ive rambled but i just want to give as much detail as i can as i dont want to offend anyone by saying in aromantic if im not. I know theres demiromantic and grey areas of aromanticism yet im not sure if what i feel would fit with any of them. I do believe i dont fully experience romantic attraction though.

[uhtred]

I see no reason to attach labels to how you feel. Just be honest with your partners and find someone whos feelings are compatible. 

[Dean.]

As you said above, it is possible to not have romantic attraction but still have a crush, aka a squish, and I've had a few of those, and I also understand what you mean with having that close friend who is there for you and cuddles and everything else, what you could be looking for is  QPR (queer platonic relationship) it's basically like dating someone and everything else but without all the romance and sex and everything. It is very possible you are aromantic, cause I know that I am aromantic but wouldn't mind being with basically any gender, so I get what you mean by that too, who knows though, you could be demiromantic or grey aromantic.

[Akashi]

I mean labels arent important but it makes me feel better about knowing who i am. And ive never heard of QPR! that actually sounds like something i wouldnt actually mind. I dont mind things that are part of relationships (kissing never had that special wow for me either. Kissed few people at parties or as dares but it never felt like something that needs to be just for someone youre attracted to).

 

I might see what demiromantic and grey aromantic are in more detail and use those until im more certain of what my feelings towards people are.

 

Thank you so much! ^-^