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Chances that she’s also sex repulsed


jwhit93

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The girl I’ve been seeing for a few months now is asexual. She doesn’t like kissing and has a touch aversion (with the exception of hand holding and hugs).  Every now and then she gets a little touchy feeling when she’s drunk. With all that said about her aversions, what do you think are the chances that she’s sex repulsed as well?

 

I’m 24 years old (she is too) and I’m sexual if you didn’t already guess. If we end up making this official this will be my first relationship. I like to think I have a high sex drive but I can also count on both hands how many times I’ve done it. So I believe I’ve grown accustomed to not having it often. Ever since she came out to me about her asexuality I’ve been very respectful of her boundaries. I’m really hoping best case is she’s greysexual and doesn’t mind it if it makes me happy. That would be ideal because although she’d be indifferent about sex, I’d only ask for it maybe just a couple of times a month. Worst case is along with her aversions very thought of having sex repulses her, from there I’d have to reassess where this may go between us. 

 

You may be wondering why I haven’t had this talk with her yet. Well I wanna establish a secure level of trust with her before I bring it up. I probably wouldn’t be asking this if she were capable of being affectionate in others ways not involving sex, but without those other things I can’t help but feel like it’s just a friendship. 

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It could end up being like a friendship and I think you will realize this one day and want to move on. If the two of you can make the relationship work, that is great. Good luck.

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Lucas Monteiro

To be honest, chances are that she is sex-repulsed cause of the touch aversion, at least lots of asexual people who are this way aren't okay with doing sex just for the sake of doing it, because they simply can't do. But, I can't say for sure, and the best thing for you to do is to ask her when you find that you already established a good level of trust. And besides that, sometimes relationships with someone asexual may appear that it's a friendship for sexual people, but it's just the way things are for them and they will show affection and romantic interest on different ways. I would advice for you to try and talk with her, and see where it goes.

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RottenInDenmark

Umm..  i know this does not help, but these are things you need to ask her

We can't speak for her, That is a conversation you need to be having with her. She is her own person, with different feelings and opinion on certain things. 

it's good you are trying to be respectful'(points for that)  Have that in mind when you ask her about these things. 

Just Go at it respectful and calmly and ask her where she is on the Asexual spectrum. as there is, sexual orientations and romantic orientations. 

Respect her and her choices. Her identity Is valid.

But if she hasn't find out yet, give her time to figure it out. don't push your own wishes on to her.

 

If she is repulsed by sex be respectful too. An asexual lifestyle is not worst case scenario.  To you it may only seem like a 'friendship' without certain things. but maybe not to her. - but talk it out, find out where you both lie. 

communication is Key, - if it is meant to be.

 

- good luck :) 

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1 hour ago, Lucas Monteiro said:

To be honest, chances are that she is sex-repulsed cause of the touch aversion, at least lots of asexual people who are this way aren't okay with doing sex just for the sake of doing it, because they simply can't do. But, I can't say for sure, and the best thing for you to do is to ask her when you find that you already established a good level of trust. And besides that, sometimes relationships with someone asexual may appear that it's a friendship for sexual people, but it's just the way things are for them and they will show affection and romantic interest on different ways. I would advice for you to try and talk with her, and see where it goes.

Yeah I get the feeling chances are she may be sex-repulsed as well. Oh yeah I’ve read a lot about how asexual people show affection/romantic interest in other ways, I totally get that it doesn’t have to involve sex. Just with her I haven’t noticed what that thing is, I’ve payed close attention and I’ve found nothing yet. I’m definitely gonna have a talk before things go further. 

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55 minutes ago, karo32 said:

Umm..  i know this does not help, but these are things you need to ask her

We can't speak for her, That is a conversation you need to be having with her. She is her own person, with different feelings and opinion on certain things. 

it's good you are trying to be respectful'(points for that)  Have that in mind when you ask her about these things. 

Just Go at it respectful and calmly and ask her where she is on the Asexual spectrum. as there is, sexual orientations and romantic orientations. 

Respect her and her choices. Her identity Is valid.

But if she hasn't find out yet, give her time to figure it out. don't push your own wishes on to her.

 

If she is repulsed by sex be respectful too. An asexual lifestyle is not worst case scenario.  To you it may only seem like a 'friendship' without certain things. but maybe not to her. - but talk it out, find out where you both lie. 

communication is Key, - if it is meant to be.

 

- good luck :) 

Yeah I know no amount of speculation will give me the true answer other from hearing it straight from her. I was hoping someone on maybe the same spectrum as her could give some insight. I like to think I’m open-minded which is why I’ve done research about asexuality since she told me which is how I got here. 

 

I dont think shes had much success in relationships and bit by bit when she opened up to me about her asexuality (she first described sex as something she has to warm up to) she always said she just doesn’t wanna mess things up with us. I’m probably the most accepting of who she is that she’s ever met. With all that said, I don’t think she’s totally accepting of who she is. 

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RottenInDenmark

If' she is graysexual, things to consider. she might be up for compromises, about sex. And be able to do it for your sake. If she likes you a lot.  But some grays still fall to asexuality and that is willing to manifest sexual desires under 'specific circumstances'.  some, sex might not always be on the table, and will not always do sex whenever their partner wants to.  but that is where the compromising from you side comes in.  like how often do you need sex? Do you desire just sex', or sex with her?

She might not be up to everything. or into the same things as you. But i think that is importing to consider, or talk about in a relationship no matter what sexual orientation. 

48 minutes ago, jwhit93 said:

she first described sex as something she has to warm up to

If sex is something she is unsure of right now, she might need time -'' warming up to'' it. Or need time to find out if it is 'totally off the table' or if its up for compromising'.

- Just ask yourself if you can wait?  

For some, sex can be a big step.  it can maybe a bonding experience or a deal breaker. So i think best is always talk, and give it time. If you really care for this girl  

58 minutes ago, jwhit93 said:

I’m definitely gonna have a talk before things go further. 

good for you :) Hope things work out 

good luck

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17 hours ago, jwhit93 said:

The girl I’ve been seeing for a few months now is asexual. She doesn’t like kissing and has a touch aversion (with the exception of hand holding and hugs).  Every now and then she gets a little touchy feeling when she’s drunk. With all that said about her aversions, what do you think are the chances that she’s sex repulsed as well?

 

I’m 24 years old (she is too) and I’m sexual if you didn’t already guess. If we end up making this official this will be my first relationship. I like to think I have a high sex drive but I can also count on both hands how many times I’ve done it. So I believe I’ve grown accustomed to not having it often. Ever since she came out to me about her asexuality I’ve been very respectful of her boundaries. I’m really hoping best case is she’s greysexual and doesn’t mind it if it makes me happy. That would be ideal because although she’d be indifferent about sex, I’d only ask for it maybe just a couple of times a month. Worst case is along with her aversions very thought of having sex repulses her, from there I’d have to reassess where this may go between us. 

 

You may be wondering why I haven’t had this talk with her yet. Well I wanna establish a secure level of trust with her before I bring it up. I probably wouldn’t be asking this if she were capable of being affectionate in others ways not involving sex, but without those other things I can’t help but feel like it’s just a friendship. 

I don’t think it’s going to work out for you guys I’m afraid. Have a chat, be honest and remember that if she does not like sex, she won’t have sex. After she confirms this (if she does)  make a decision as to whether you can happily live without sex. If no, end it nicely.

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