danigirlawkward Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 I posted this in an asexual Facebook group I used to be a member of and since I haven't been around here in a long time, figured I'd ask here as well. Does anyone feel indifferent when it comes to their asexuality? Sort of like it's just another aspect of you? There is nothing wrong with those who show pride or enthusiasm within the ace or LGBTQ+ community. Surely I'll even scream out to the heavens that I'm asexual. I don't care. But that's the thing. I just don't care anymore. Now that I've figured out how I feel when it comes to sex and my sexuality, I don't think about it anymore. It's just another fact about me just like my eyes are brown. It is what it is. With this feeling of indifference however, I almost feel like an outsider within the ace community at the same time. I'm not 'ace enough' if that makes sense. Anyone else feel similar? Link to post Share on other sites
Zatarra Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 interesting topic...honestly I WISH I could become indifferent to the idea that I am ace. Unfortunately living in environment I am in, my 'aceness' makes me stick out like a sore thumb. I think you are quite fortunate that you have figured this out and there are no outside pressures for you to conform to heteronormativity or hypersexuality to where you can feel that being ace is not that big of a deal akin to your eyes being brown. I wish I could feel like that about my aceness. Honestly I am not the 'loud and proud' type. Unfortunately this does preoccupy me due to my life circumstances. I suppose one day if I make it to Nepal or Thailand or some other Buddhist country where being Aro-Ace will not be a big issue...perhaps I too will get to feel that sense of indifference. For now my situation at work/etc make me acutely aware of how different I am from others. And how I just do not fit in. I dont know who would consider you not being 'ace-enough' or an outsider... there is no real "litmus test" that you must show this much pride *holds up yard stick* to be considered a proper ace. on the FLIP side ...you could look at it as you have achieved such peace with who you are as an ace that you have transcended the need to make Asexuality the focal point of your identity, instead it seamlessly blends into the mosaic of components that make up the person you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Of Bass Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 I'm someone who is more distressed by not knowing. Once I figure something out, I feel less anxious about it. This applies to things besides my sexuality. I want to know myself for my own sake, so once I've figured it out, I've don't felt the need to attach myself to anything. I end up being one of those indifferent people too. My guess is when a significant part of the culture is "pride", people who aren't as inclined towards that will feel out of place. idk. I've just never considered things I don't choose to be who I am—only what I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucas Monteiro Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 I would feel the same, if it was not to be the enviroment where I live then being asexual would just be what it is. Living in a country where there is a hypersexual culture, it's really hard for you to not look to yourself and think that you are so different from other people. For me, there is no such thing as 'ace enough' and the most important is to see where the common ground stays, to see that we all in the end share somehow the same thoughts about this feeling of being asexual, so we are all equal and there is no one more ace or less ace, just united aces. And I think that you are truly fortunate to be thinking like that and to be able to see that being asexual it's part of you but it's just one of the thousand aspects of you, that's really nice. At least for now, me, @Zatarra and some asexuals will have to endure the hardness of being so different but nonetheless I will look to other aces and be happy that they can live the way they want without being pressured. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Asexuality is one of many labels/identifiers I could fling around if I felt the need to. Instead I choose to publicly identify myself by my interests and accomplishments. Things like asexuality or being left handed don't fit into that category. Privately in places like AVEN I'm grateful to have a place to discuss such things though! Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 I joke a lot about Schrodinger's closet, because I don't have to do anything to explicitly state or hide my orientation to feel like I'm being myself. My orientation really flies under the radar most the time, especially compared to my trans identity. I feel especially weird because I'm starting to get involved in trans advocacy (particularly within music academia) in my own way as a scholar, but feel like avoiding discussion of my orientation risks coming off as self-erasure of my asexuality. I just don't have much to say on that topic though. Link to post Share on other sites
Entmoot Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 36 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said: Schrodinger's closet I love this. I might steal it... I'm with others in this thread in that I strive for indifference, but my personality is such that I'm constantly second-guessing myself and looking for confirmation of something I should probably just accept as true "until further notice." But even beyond the uncertainty aspect--which, let's assume, won't last forever--I think another thing standing in the way of the indifference you describe is my sense of bitterness and discouragement about how modern society (at least where I live, which is a major metropolitan area in the US) is set up to favor nuclear families built around romantic couples (and yes ace people can find partners, but it takes real effort, whereas relationships just seem to *happen* to most heterosexual people). For many, it's simply too expensive to live alone, especially as a young adult. And at any age, living alone is socially isolating. Outside of communes/intentional living communities, it takes a stroke of luck to live with or near a group of friends for any extended period of time. My point is, while I look forward to feeling at peace within myself, there are still tangible real-world consequences of being ace/aro. On a more positive note, there are also a lot of things that interest me intellectually about being asexual vs. sexual, though maybe with time that curiosity will fade into indifference. My other point is, who wants to start an asexual utopia with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted February 14, 2018 Share Posted February 14, 2018 Eh, I'm always an outsider wherever I go anyway. But I've the same feeling, yeah. I'm not interested in obsessing over labels and breaking everything down piece by piece into a category like a lot of people seem fond of doing. I'm not even particularily enforcing of the asexual label, as I believe that with time and perhaps exposure to a different environment I may change in the future. If not, it's not a big deal to me, I seem to line up with what's classified as asexual, so for the time being, that's what it is. I've said it before, the need to cement a label into place is one I can't understand yet. Further need to emphasize it or show it off is completely alien to me. Link to post Share on other sites
lilgroundhog Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 I find I want it to just be another part of me, but like being female, too many other people try to make a big deal or tell me I need to change. For the most part my friends accept me as I am, but there are always people you run into that want to put you in a box, which is annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Often my indifference means not caring too heavily at all on sexuality, romanticism or gender. Even though I have a very clear difference in these areas, does not mean it is important to my sense of self. There's other facets of identity that take precedence. Link to post Share on other sites
danigirlawkward Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 On 2/13/2018 at 9:37 PM, Zatarra said: .you could look at it as you have achieved such peace with who you are as an ace that you have transcended the need to make Asexuality the focal point of your identity, instead it seamlessly blends into the mosaic of components that make up the person you are. This is exactly it. Thank you saying it more eloquently than I could Link to post Share on other sites
danigirlawkward Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 @Entmoot, do you think if all of the aces of the world put their money together, we can buy one of those islands up for sale and build the utopia there? I feel like that's what we'd need to do lol Link to post Share on other sites
Entmoot Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 1 minute ago, danigirlawkward said: @Entmoot, do you think if all of the aces of the world put their money together, we can buy one of those islands up for sale and build the utopia there? I feel like that's what we'd need to do lol Haha, yes!! We can pool our savings from all the dates we didn't go on, romantic gifts we didn't buy, weddings (and children?!) we didn't have...Just give me a couple of years for the last of my sexual friends to abandon me and I'll be totally up for this. Link to post Share on other sites
danigirlawkward Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 @Entmoot Lol yes! I have a wedding to be a part of this year but after that, I should be good lol Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 On 2/13/2018 at 6:20 PM, danigirlawkward said: I posted this in an asexual Facebook group I used to be a member of and since I haven't been around here in a long time, figured I'd ask here as well. Does anyone feel indifferent when it comes to their asexuality? Sort of like it's just another aspect of you? There is nothing wrong with those who show pride or enthusiasm within the ace or LGBTQ+ community. Surely I'll even scream out to the heavens that I'm asexual. I don't care. But that's the thing. I just don't care anymore. Now that I've figured out how I feel when it comes to sex and my sexuality, I don't think about it anymore. It's just another fact about me just like my eyes are brown. It is what it is. With this feeling of indifference however, I almost feel like an outsider within the ace community at the same time. I'm not 'ace enough' if that makes sense. Anyone else feel similar? On 2/13/2018 at 8:52 PM, E said: Eh, I'm always an outsider wherever I go anyway. But I've the same feeling, yeah. I'm not interested in obsessing over labels and breaking everything down piece by piece into a category like a lot of people seem fond of doing. I'm not even particularily enforcing of the asexual label, as I believe that with time and perhaps exposure to a different environment I may change in the future. If not, it's not a big deal to me, I seem to line up with what's classified as asexual, so for the time being, that's what it is. I've said it before, the need to cement a label into place is one I can't understand yet. Further need to emphasize it or show it off is completely alien to me. Sorry for dredging up an old thread but I just discovered it and really identify with the quoted posts. I've never quite understood the importance that gets placed on labels, including the ACE label, and so I've always felt like an outsider. It's why I've been a long time lurker who never posts - the thought of it made me feel like an intruder. So it's nice to know that there are others who feel similarly. Anyway, after 2 years of lurking, I've now got post #2 out of the way! Link to post Share on other sites
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