How do I navigate things?

[Vicky Angel]

A brief background

 

I discovered I am ace a few years ago.  But I have found it hard to date.  I am chronically unwell which also makes it difficult.  I have in the past 5 months been diagnosed with ptsd from an attempted kidnapping.  Combined with my anxiety, this makes it difficult to trust people.  I am in fear that people will hurt me, or that I will not be safe in some way.  I may also have depression.

 

I crave romantic connection, but have not found any that I am romanticly attracted to.

[Lucas Monteiro]

In my opinion because of the things that happened to you, I think the best way to handle dating and finding someone for you to have a connection, would be to take things slowly and with small steps and eventually you will be able to get where you want. I can't come here and say to you that everything will be 100% right and that people won't hurt you, if I would say that I would be lying, so maybe someone will hurt you but that's the risk of wanting to have a connection with another being and as we are humans, we aren't perfect and mistakes happen(directly or indirectly). It may be hard but I promise to you, it will be worthy when you find a person who you can be able to connect and feel safe and then all the other past experiences will be seeing as a road you had to take to be able to get to your destination. You deserve to be happy, and you shouldn't pay the price for something that you didn't do, and I hope that you may find what you want at the end. 

 

 

[sageq]

this is sort of where i'm at, starting to want a connection after a long time being happy single . my trauma is from a long time ago but it was very severe (my whole childhood) . just when I started to wanta  relationship i went through another trauma (it was at work not within a relationship). it wasn't nearly as severe as my childhood stuff but it brought that stuff back up. and shortly after escaping the abusive workplace, I developed a some sort of chronic condition that my doctor and i are still trying to figure out. so yeah, the new trauma plus this new condition have really put on hold the search for a relationship that I was just beginning to feel safe enough to open up to : ( now i'm not sure if I will be able too but part of me still wants to. it's hard. I think the two biggest things are taking things slow like lucas said. And then also space I think. I had a friend who kept her financial and living situation separate from her partner no matter how long they went out and she planned to keep it that way even if they married. so yeah I think for me I would need a very unconventional arrangement like that, a person who was willing to understand my need to keep control over my own arrangements and for taking things slow. i'm not sure how easy it is to find someone like that, esp for those of us who are chronically unwell deal with PTSD and are also asexual. Each of those things can be a lot for a partner to cope with, so I honestly don't feel all that hopeful to find a partner like that.  But I can't help hoping a bit for it anyway. I dunno. I hope you can find someone like that, but if not, I would say stick to your needs and boundaries whatever they are (taking things slow for example, but yours might be different too) even if it costs you the relationship. I think that's true for anyone of course, but for people like us with trauma I think it's especially important. People without trauma may be able and willing to compromise on more things. But the things we really need to feel safe we can't compromise on those , even if most people don't seem to need those things. Dunno how helpful this was but wanted you to know you're not alone and I support you, and just throw in some of my thoughts/opinions.