How to Cope living at parents house for the rest of my life?

[nbx]

Hello, 

I want to know anyone have to live in their parents house and feel less adventurous due to Ace facts. 

[Lord Jade Cross]

I dont think being ace incapacitates you from choosing to live a life of your own.

 

 

[Homer]

24 minutes ago, nbx said:

Hello, 

I want to know anyone have to live in their parents house and feel less adventurous due to Ace facts. 

I'm not sure what you mean. What is an "ace fact"?

[banana monkey]

I hope you dont mind me asking but I am wondering what is stopping you leaving your parents house? If that too personal excuse the question. I understand if you dont want to share. I am just trying to understand better, it may be that as we are from different cultures we have different expectations and tend to do things differently in my culture to yours. I also am aware that some people cannot leave home due to other personal circumstances such as disability etc. Its just that in my culture although some people cannot leave home at a certain point (eg. when they are young and dont have money) they are able to leave at some point in there life, though it is true some choose not to but they are not the norm. 

 

I also dont think that being unadventourous is related to being ace. I dont see how being ace affects any other aspect of your life other than your sex and (romantic) relationship life. 

[WinterWanderer]

I guess there could be cultural differences here. I'm assuming you mean "how do aces cope, if they don't get married and leave home?" In the US, where I live, people who don't have a life partner commonly live on their own or with roommates. They don't necessarily live with their parents or family members for the rest of their lives, unless they prefer to do so, or some other situation forces them to. But I guess that could be different for different cultures.

 

Just want to point out that it's possible to be ace and still find love or be in a romantic relationship (if that is something you seek - not sure if this applies to you, I couldn't tell from your post). And there are plenty of aces who are happy and adventurous. I'm mostly un-adventurous, except with food and outdoorsy things. I don't think that's because I'm ace, though.

[nbx]

23 minutes ago, Homer said:

I'm not sure what you mean. What is an "ace fact"?

Ace aspects

[Guest community6seasons]

Hey nbx,

 

I still live with my Dad. I am 32. I am currently unemployed and wouldn't be able to afford rent. However, my situation is creating problems for everyone around me now. My Dad wants me to marry so that I am not alone. My brother wants me to marry so that I move out of the house and then he can get married and move in the house. As a result, I have become virtually estranged from my brother. I feel he is being unfair since my dearly departed Mum had always said that she would pass on the house to me. 

I feel so awful that it has come to this. Like those fights from some melodramatic movie. And I wonder if I should not be moving away. It would get everyone off my back at least.

It's just that I am unable to find the inner strength to take the required steps.

[Homer]

24 minutes ago, nbx said:

Ace aspects

That... wasn't as helpful as you might think.

 

Do you mean that being asexual is "holding you back" from exploring things in your life? If so, what would you like to do and what's happening that won't let you do it?

Do you mean that livingn with your parents is "holding you back" from exploring things in your life? If so, what would you like to do and what's happening that won't let you do it?

Is it a combination of both?

Did I get you wrong?

 

Personally I don't feel restricted by not wanting to engage in partnered sexual activities, that's why I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea right away.

[Vicky Angel]

I think there may be a cultural confusion happening.  In many Asian communities it is uncommon for anyone to move out and get a place of their own ever.  There are generations of relatives living in the same house.  And they would live like that their entire life.  

 

In those situations, coming out can be a serious danger and a risk.  It can prevent people from coming out or from looking into coming out.  

[kiaroskuro]

38 minutes ago, Vicky Angel said:

I think there may be a cultural confusion happening.  In many Asian communities it is uncommon for anyone to move out and get a place of their own ever.  There are generations of relatives living in the same house.  And they would live like that their entire life.  

 

In those situations, coming out can be a serious danger and a risk.  It can prevent people from coming out or from looking into coming out.  

I was just going to say something along the same lines. As far as I know, there are some countries where it's consider to be highly inappropriate/uncommon for young people, and especially for young women, to live on their own. You're either dependent on your parents, or on your husband. On the other hand, in those cultures family ties are stronger, elderly people are usually cared for by their own folks, and people in general are less alone. Two sides of the same coin ...

 

[Wild Seven]

I don't live with my parents, haven't for a while, but I'd consider what's culturally acceptable and viable options for me to be on my own.

If it's community living elsewhere, or anything of the sort, then do that.

If it's studying and college dorms, then I'd consider studies.

If it's moving somewhere else the people don't frown upon being a single person living on their own, and is doable, then consider that.

Or perhaps job opportunities you'd have to travel often, might give you some pass for not being with your parents.  

[fuzzipueo]

3 hours ago, nbx said:

Hello, 

I want to know anyone have to live in their parents house and feel less adventurous due to Ace facts. 

I did not have to live in my parents' house, I could have moved out at some point, but, I never did. There was no point really. I have my own life and friends, I've traveled, gone to school, work a full time job, and on occasion, actually go out and socialize with other people (I'm a big time introvert). My parents never made a big deal of me moving out and made it clear I was welcome to stay, and though my mom's gone now, my dad and I deal with the house and the pets together and we get along (always a plus). For the record, I'm 48 this year.

 

To be honest, I've never wanted to live in an apartment or on my own. On the other hand, the idea of sharing with a complete stranger never appealed any more than sharing with even a casual acquaintance or friend, though it was hinted at by more than one person over the years. I did give serious thought to buying my own home at one point, but realized I really wasn't all that interested.

Advantages: money not spent on bills (water and car) can be spent on books. I buy groceries, pay for the cat food, save for a rainy day. Plus, I'm there for my dad who's pretty spry for a 77 year old, but did have a bad health scare a couple of years ago when his potassium levels went down. If I hadn't been there at the time ... (rather not speculate)

Disadvantage: having to listen to my dad complain about other drivers, people, tell bad jokes (some of which are seriously not funny), and listening to his gospel music when he gets a little raucous with it (he's a bit deaf but won't admit to it!) ...

 

I think it's about the mindset. Are you happy where you are? Do have some freedom of movement? A job? Friends? If you're not happy, are there ways to change that state? It's all up to you.

[Rhaenys]

I live with mine but it's common in South Asian cultures to have extended families and not move out. There's like 10 ppl in my house but I wanna move out.

 

By ace aspects do you mean like feeling like you won't get married, move out to live with a partner and that kind of life?

[Rhaenys]

You're Indian too 😊 

Living with parents and extended families is common in our culture. I don't know what is your situation but are you allowed to move out? I know some families tend to be a bit controlling especially where girl children are involved and don't allow them to move out unless they get married. Or are you afraid your asexuality won't allow you to have the benefits of a marriage?

[nbx]

Hello avenists, 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts when I was below 30 years I was too carefree, I couldn't hold office jobs but manage freelance work all the way till now and recently like one by one I get to see that my friends are getting married and having their own family I feel very outted. And most of time I spent indoors and I live at parents house where there are mainly old couples and also few young couples too and this is like completely frustrating as it's like couples like to invite couples and it has made me agoraphobic which is so opposite of my behavior. I have to take extra efforts to go to weddings or some other functions. The thought of not be able to do what they can do only hit me at nights and I wanted to relocate to nearby hostel but I give up on it as it's very conjusted and no body in the house even kicking me out. Ya so that's all there it is thanks for listening. 

[Skycaptain]

I know at least one person who lived with their parents until their parents died. This person has been in full time employment all their adult life, so money wasn't the reason. It's just that it suited everyone. Ultimately when the parents reached an age where they couldn't look after themselves fully, this person was able to take on the role of carer with minimal disruption.

I was a late mover out, but mum put a lot of the housekeeping I paid her into the bank, which is really helping her finances now she's retired, so parents can benefit from this sort of arrangement. 

[Welsh Ace]

I lived with my parents until 4 years ago and recently spent 5 months living back with my after breaking my leg when visiting them. I understand that it is very frustrating and stress as you do not have your own space or privacy. It might be helpful if you are able to find somewhere you spend some times away from them? Like a short break, even if it is just staying at a friends house over a weekend or something, just to have a bit of space. I am not sure though, I understand it is very difficult and I only got to move away after getting a job in a different part of the country. 

[nbx]

On Tue Feb 13 2018 at 11:54 PM, community6seasons said:

Hey nbx,

 

I still live with my Dad. I am 32. I am currently unemployed and wouldn't be able to afford rent. However, my situation is creating problems for everyone around me now. My Dad wants me to marry so that I am not alone. My brother wants me to marry so that I move out of the house and then he can get married and move in the house. As a result, I have become virtually estranged from my brother. I feel he is being unfair since my dearly departed Mum had always said that she would pass on the house to me. 

I feel so awful that it has come to this. Like those fights from some melodramatic movie. And I wonder if I should not be moving away. It would get everyone off my back at least.

It's just that I am unable to find the inner strength to take the required steps.

O my gosh I am also 32,I do know how it feels. I hope you stay strong. 

[nbx]

On Wed Feb 14 2018 at 6:17 AM, Rhaenys said:

I live with mine but it's common in South Asian cultures to have extended families and not move out. There's like 10 ppl in my house but I wanna move out.

 

By ace aspects do you mean like feeling like you won't get married, move out to live with a partner and that kind of life?

Yes sort of like that 😓

[Guest community6seasons]

3 hours ago, nbx said:

O my gosh I am also 32,I do know how it feels. I hope you stay strong. 

Awesome :). Btw I have lived in Mumbai for most of my life :).

[nbx]

7 hours ago, community6seasons said:

Awesome :). Btw I have lived in Mumbai for most of my life :).

Where are you situated now? 

[nbx]

On Tue Feb 13 2018 at 11:31 PM, Rynn said:

I guess there could be cultural differences here. I'm assuming you mean "how do aces cope, if they don't get married and leave home?" In the US, where I live, people who don't have a life partner commonly live on their own or with roommates. They don't necessarily live with their parents or family members for the rest of their lives, unless they prefer to do so, or some other situation forces them to. But I guess that could be different for different cultures.

 

Just want to point out that it's possible to be ace and still find love or be in a romantic relationship (if that is something you seek - not sure if this applies to you, I couldn't tell from your post). And there are plenty of aces who are happy and adventurous. I'm mostly un-adventurous, except with food and outdoorsy things. I don't think that's because I'm ace, though.

I wish I could relocate to your country. I am happy to be myself when I m indoors and doing my stuff but when I have to go out I feel like not having partner thoughts spiral on me and force me stay indoors. 

[Nylocke]

On 2/13/2018 at 1:24 PM, community6seasons said:

Hey nbx,

 

I still live with my Dad. I am 32. I am currently unemployed and wouldn't be able to afford rent. However, my situation is creating problems for everyone around me now. My Dad wants me to marry so that I am not alone. My brother wants me to marry so that I move out of the house and then he can get married and move in the house. As a result, I have become virtually estranged from my brother. I feel he is being unfair since my dearly departed Mum had always said that she would pass on the house to me. 

I feel so awful that it has come to this. Like those fights from some melodramatic movie. And I wonder if I should not be moving away. It would get everyone off my back at least.

It's just that I am unable to find the inner strength to take the required steps.

 

That's a difficult situation to be in. I know for me I face a similiar problem but my parents highly disapprove of my boyfriend nor do they really even want me seeing him. I don't think they care whether I get married or not because they want my other brother to look after me when they are gone.

 

My parents have never really taken seriously anyone I ever dated, but then I've only had 3 boyfriends in my entire life and am currently on my 3rd now. The first was in high school and everyone knows high school relationships are nothing to wave your finger at. The second time around ended because the guy got bored of me and while the current is going strong considering the distance its a very hard situation to be in when your parents literally hate your significant other.  I feel like if I were to get married to him some day that my parents would totally cut me loose or banish me from the family or something. I know they were eluding to that the other day when my mom kept asking me if I was gonna "run away" with him.

 

I am partially estranged from my other brother as well because my parents seem to tolerate and basically support his relationship with his so called "fiance" despite the fact that they are both toxic for each other and he's cheating on her. I don't even speak to that brother anymore and he better not try to tell me anything about my relationship or else I will tell him more truths about himself then mom and dad ever did.