Feeling conflicted

[ghost_writer]

In August last year I read an article about asexuality really related to it but since then things have turned into a huge mess. I met a guy last September who I really fell for although he's a lot older than I am (I'm 39 and he's 71) . We started dating in October and I started living at his place in November. Then we started having a sexual relationship. I feel that he was abusing me emotionally eg telling me what to wear, telling me he and other people couldn't understand what I was saying and I needed to change the way I speak (he complained about the way I say the word 'eight') and I've also ended up getting braces mainly because he said it would improve my speech. He claims he's been doing all this to help me, but I feel like I've lost my identity. I've told him it's over and I've moved back to my own house but I feel terrible, he knew from the start that I was a virgin and I told him before we started sleeping together that I thought I was asexual but when we started sleeping together I was confused and thought I wasn't asexual. Now I feel like I don't know what or who I am. 

 

[Lichley]

It's good that you got yourself out of that relationship, they sound really contrlolling. Take some time to get back on your feet and be yourself again before questioning this sort of thing.  You could just be demisexual or greysexual, so don't worry about it too much. Focus on getting back to where you feel comfortable. You're emotional wellbeing is more important than a slight label change. 

[umbasa]

Given the rest of the details there is a good chance your sexual relations was born out of this man's manipulation so that does not necessarily mean you are sexual. People of that type are incredibly adept at control and are incredibly intuitive in picking the right kind of person to control. It seems to me he detected your innocence in these matters and so quickly escalated the nature of your relationship in order to take advantage of you.

 

I am glad you managed to get out. It requires a lot of strength to remove yourself from such a difficult situation. Maybe that strength of yours can be the foundations for your rebuilt identity?

 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Good for you getting out of that situation. If someone loves you for you, they don't feel the need to control what you wear, how you speak, etc . Work on enjoying your life and finding out more about yourself, so you won't be drawn back into a situation where you lose yourself in someone else's abuse.