Use of identity labels

[TheAP]

Hi all, this is just a little survey to see how AVENites use labels to describe their identities. There is no poll; the questions are more open-ended.

 

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

[Rosendust]

1)Demisexual, Agender/Akioromantic/Biromantic

2) I don't really get that close to people, unless it's friendships on the Internet.

3) They really don't know I'm Agender/Akioromantic/Biromantic, unless it's 1 to 3 people-I have to be extremely careful because of where I live(very, very conservative)

4) When I told my closest friends, they were very supportive!

(Side Note: I hope these answers are of some help!)

14 minutes ago, TheAP said:

Hi all, this is just a little survey to see how AVENites use labels to describe their identities. There is no poll; the questions are more open-ended.

 

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

 

[Fantastic Name]

1. I am a sex-repulsed demiheteroromantic autochorissexualist asexual. Here, I define "autochorissexualism" as a paraphilia rather than a sexual orientation.

 

2. Depends on the site. I feel it's okay to share my full identity here because, well, it's an asexuality site. Why wouldn't I? On other sites, just the term "asexual" is good enough for me.

 

3. I only tell people I'm asexual. Don't want to make things any more complicated than they need to be.

 

4. Well, I've only told one person so far, and she already knew what asexuality was, so it wasn't much of a problem.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Aromantic agendered asexual.

This is the only site I use!

If I'm asked directly I'll be honest with the asexual part, the rest might come with more probing.

One person in particular said 'Oh! Yes! I know what you're saying!' then went on to explain to the confused others, the only people I ever had trouble with are the ones I'd have trouble with anyway- people with insecurities and jealousies. My daughter didn't even blink!

[Homer]

1-4: none

*points at profile information*

[Chimeric]

1. Bisexual woman; the rest doesn't matter (except that I'm crazy monogamous).

2. I don't, other than letting them know I'm female.

3. There's no need for me to point out I'm female, and I only mention my sexual orientation if it's pertinent to the topic at hand.

4. It's been a mixed bag. I've had people tell me bisexuality isn't a thing, I've had people conflate bisexuality with promiscuity, people I've dated have immediately assumed I'd be down for a threesome - but the vast majority of people don't care one way or the other. I have so many other things that make me who I am, my sexual orientation is the least of them, frankly. And is not to do with any of them but my partner, so.

[LeDeer]

1. I usually define myself as gay or homosexual, I don't recall to have ever used the label lesbian; otherwise I just say I like girls. No longer using a label for my gender identity.

2. Haven't specified my orientation anywhere else outside AVEN; I just write I'm female.

3. If I know someone and I'm fine to tell them, I usually wait to tell them until they ask me something about partners/love/relationships/etc.., otherwise it's none of their business and I try to avoid such questions.

4. My mother and close friends are completely fine with my orientation and also supportive; my father was a bit surprised when I told him I liked girls, but after all I believe he's fine with it.

[timewarp]

1. Asexual.

2. Usually I don't. If I exceptionally do, I use plain English, except when I'm 100% certain people fully understand what "asexual" means.

3. I don't. Exceptions are really rare, and under no circumstances will I use anything other than plain language. (I'm excluding AVEN meets here. Of course at meets it's a different story.)

4. In my experience people rarely show any form of understanding, and that totally includes people within the LGBT+ umbrella. Hence I prefer people to see me just as a person and ask them to mind their own business if they ask intrusive questions.

[Grumpy Alien]

1 hour ago, TheAP said:

Hi all, this is just a little survey to see how AVENites use labels to describe their identities. There is no poll; the questions are more open-ended.

 

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

1. Straight, sexual, heteromantic? I don’t tend to put a label on it. Those fit though and I feel those are more accurate than others without being overly specific.

2. I don’t. AVEN is the only place where it’s ever been relevant for me.

3. Again, I don’t. No one’s ever asked. I’m sure they assume - right or wrong - but don’t say anything to me. It’s just not important.

4. The only time it’s ever come up was when I thought I was asexual. Everyone was extremely supportive and eager to learn more. Turns out I’m not. Some know, some still think I’m asexuals it’s simply irrelevant to the majority of people.

[Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet]

1. Asexual cis female
2. Asexual 
3. Asexual
4. The very few people I have told reacted with indifference, which I'm fine with!👍

[Guest]

1 hour ago, TheAP said:

Hi all, this is just a little survey to see how AVENites use labels to describe their identities. There is no poll; the questions are more open-ended.

 

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

I don't use labels, really. But, I am female (born that way, it's fine), mostly prefer men but have recently found I am fine with women if I have a really strong bond (both sexually and romantically). Rarely have sexual attraction, only one person in my life so far. 

 

 

1 hour ago, TheAP said:

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

I ... don't really. But, I guess pansexual might be closest? *shrug* 

 

1 hour ago, TheAP said:

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

Don't, really.  But, marrying a woman, so I kind of have to keep it secret from most people I know IRL. 

 

1 hour ago, TheAP said:

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

The few people that know are mostly OK with it... my mom finds it weird I'm OK kissing a woman but says she doesn't have to understand it. My dad says I need my "butt beat" for it. My friends are supportive, cause they wouldn't be my friends if they weren't.  

[fuzzipueo]

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

Aromantic Asexual

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

If I do it at all, just asexual. For the most part, other than here and in discussions about romance novels, it's not all that relevant to anyone but myself. Most people know, since I tend to share posts from several Asexual pages on FB.

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

While I have told most of my friends, that about the extent of it. We're a diverse group which encompasses a lot of different orientations and ideologies, so it's not that big a deal. In my working life, it's not relevant.

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

Everyone's been pretty good about it all and it's not like it changed anything. I don't go out my way to tell people I don't know well or anything. I don't see the point in inviting commentary from complete strangers.

[girlwiththelongskirt]

1. Asexual, still questioning my romantic orientation but somewhere on the aromantic spectrum and I identify as female.

2. I don'r really interact on other social platforms on the internet then AVEN.

3. I haven't really told people I'm asexual because it's still kind of new to me and I don't feel the need to 'come out'. But if it comes up/I have a real conversation with people about love/relationships I just say I'm asexual but I would like some sort of romantic (but non sexual) relationship with someone.

4. I haven't encounterd any backlashes, but only two people know and I have been careful who I tell about it. If I don't think the person I'm talking to needs to know and/or would understand/believe me I don't tell them. The two people I have told were nice about it, they did asked why I thought I was asexual but I explained and they were just really nice about it.

 

Hope this was useful, if you ever want to know more/have more questions I'm always willing to talk about my experiences (just send me a PM)

[Yep, me]

Just look at my account. Otherwise, I simplify the terminology to help give the person a general idea of what it is.

[Zacharie]

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

i only use labels on internet. Asexual, aromantic (androphilic if you want to know my gender preference). agender

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

if they ask i describe asexual aromantic as not having any interest on sex or romantic relationships. androphilic just means that i prefer guys. In case of agender i tell them that i just want to be viewed as a person that just so happens to like one thing or another not taking in mind gender or how it relates socially. I like things for what they are.

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

I prefer not to label myself for now because some people just don't understand. It's better for me to say "i don't want to get married or have children, i just want to be good with myself first and have a companion in life eventually". For my gender has been a little more difficult, i tend to say things like "I don't like girl stuff, don't spend money on gifts that are for girls" for example, "it's better if you ask me what i prefer". I know is not the best way but... i think is a resonable path to start showing people that not everything is black and white and introduce them to bigger concepts.

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

i have told my friend only and my mom about what i feel and the labels for them, and both disagree on the validity of my statements. Not the fact that i am what i am but on the fact that there is a classification/label for it. They say is just normal what i experience and that it doesn't make me an asexual of agender or whatever word there is for it. That I'm still a woman no matter what and that i'm just like many other "normal" people that experience the same.

[Gloomy]

1. Graysexual, grayromantic, and female/girl/woman/sometimes I'll add cis as well.

 

2. Same as above, or I'll just say I'm not interested in relationships.

 

3. Same as the latter part of question 2. I just tell them I'm not interested in that stuff.

 

4. They're either okay with it or they give me the "But aren't you lonely?" spiel.

[Haze.]

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

Sexual- asexual 

Romantic- triromantic (actually usually biromantic) 

Gender- female (cisfemale) 

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

On other sites I identify myself as a female biromantic asexual. When asked what that means, I say that I am not sexually attracted to anyone, am repulsed by sex, but generally think that sex is a good thing in a healthy relationship. I then go on to say that I am interested in romantic relationships with both boys and girls. 

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

In real life, it depends on to whom I am talking. If I trust them with the information, I say the same as above. If I feel they will react poorly, I either identify myself as a heteroromantic asexual or heterosexual (although I very much am not the latter).

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

I have faced backlash- that is why I am now careful with who I tell. Some people are very accepting and understanding. Some people are not upset, but they’re confused.  A lot of people say I’m a “late bloomer.” I’ve been told many times that asexuality doesn't exist. People have said “are you sure you’re not gay?” Or “you’re insane.” Or “you’ll figure it out; you’re just scared.” Those are most of the responses I’ve had in person. People online have been worse. I have had people absolutely berate me for my identity on various websites. I could go into more detail, but I won’t. So, yes.

[Anomaly Q3Xr]

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

Asexual, panromantic, and male (cis).

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

That I don't experience sexual attraction, but still want a relationship, and that I don't care about the gender identity of a potential partner.

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

The same as above.  I am completely open about it.

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

I have been told that I must be lying because everyone wants sex, also that I will never find a partner (for the same reason).  One person told me I had no right to join dating sites, if I won't have sex, despite the fact that I clearly state I am asexual.  I have been deleted and blocked from social sites for sharing asexual posts.  Other people have been very supportive, especially my Mum.  We barely spoke until a few years ago, now we are very close and talk about everything.

[Spotastic]

1: A male, mostly aromantic, gray asexual interested in female-bodied persons.

 

2: There are no other sites that I have mentioned my identity beyond asexual if asked.

 

3: I say that I like sex, but it is not a craving or a need. It is not something I ever think about. My wife always has to initiate things. I am aesthetically attracted to people who have physically feminine characteristics, but that wouldn't restrict their personal identity. My wife, for instance, is gender queer but is happy enough with female pronouns. Call her a woman or a female but not a lady or a girl.

 

4. No discrimination. Everyone that I have mentioned it to (which is an admittedly small list) are more curious about it. Even my therapists were aware of asexuality and were interested in the specifics for me.

[yonah]

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

I am asexual aromantic and agender (also my name starts with A lol).

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

I'll say aro/ace and enby and then define those labels by the full terms if they seem confused.

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

In queer spaces, I say I'm ace and use they/them pronouns and will identify as aro if asked. In other places, I'll introduce myself as "asexual which means I don't experience sexual attraction" and then explain my romantic and gender orientations only if asked.

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

 

A lot of adult family members initially hit me with the "you're too young/you're limiting yourself/why does it matter" things but they shut up after sufficient explanation/education. I tend to avoid coming out as anything unless I'm pretty sure they'll be a-ok with it.

[Mirari]

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

-Asexual Heteroromantic, or straight ace.

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

-Same as above! ^^

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

-I don't describe it to everyone since it's not a very well-known orientation here so it's easier to just say I'm straight, but with people I'm comfortable with, I'm okay with elaborating on my being asexual.

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

-All of them have been really supportive so far! The only thing that could pass as backlash that I've experienced is an awkward silence from one of my friends, which happened because he thought "asexual" meant "agender". He now really wants to avoid the topic at all times which is a little disheartening but it doesn't bother me all that much.

[OmegaTheMetamorphicDreamer]

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

Asexual, heteroromantic, and genderless/agender

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

I don't describe my identity very often on other sites, but I usually say I'm asexual or ace depending on whether I think they will know what "ace" means or not. I don't trust most people to comprehend the difference between sexual orientation and romantic orientation so I just leave that part out.

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

I haven't described my identity to anyone in the physical world yet.

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

No one has really given much of a reaction either way. So they're either just cool with that sort of thing, or they're keeping their opinions to themselves.

[XYZ96]

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

I don't think about it much, the answer to this can probably be read out of question 3 and the text at the bottom.. 

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

I don't really... 

but if they ask then see question 3

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

(in "" is written what is the approximate answer given if some one asks me what my [identity] is)

sexual orientation: "*shrug*" or "don't think about it enough" 

romantic orientation: "hetero, I guess, I'm not a particularly romantic person though.." 

gender identity: "female, I guess, *shrug*"

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

I don't really use any labels usually, so I guess I couldn't really say how people react to them..

 

I kind of avoid many labels because some aren't defined well enough for me or don't fit well enough, or are to confusing, or I find them useless to use.. for example there was a label I once saw that fit like a perfectly tailored jacket, and it still does, but it had a few problems: it gave away to much info about me (not any bad info, not anything that wouldn't be acceptable in polite company, but still it was a bit to personal for me..), it's not well known, and I don't want to explain it to everyone, especially seeing as I can easily see how it would be misunderstood, it's much easier to just shrug and say "I don't give it enough thought"... not saying others shouldn't be allowed to use not well know, obscure labels, do what you want, I just don't, because for me personally it's do much for me, I'm just as happy being "meh-identity"  (the only important label to my identity for me is my name, username if I'm a website) 

[Tos]

1. i use aromantic, asexual, and agender as my most specific descriptors, but i also use trans(gender), queer, and gay.

 

2. other aspects of my identity that i tend to identify myself as online, in addition to the above, are: half-japanese, neurodivergent, american, nerd, tired (lol)

 

3. i don't tend to reveal as much about myself right off the bat in personas online, but if asked i will reveal whatever is applicable of the above listed descriptors.

 

4. the most standout reactions are to me being half-japanese (both white people thinking i'm white and japanese people thinking i'm full japanese. yeah i don't get how both are possible either)

[Spotastic]

20 hours ago, Tos said:

4. the most standout reactions are to me being half-japanese (both white people thinking i'm white and japanese people thinking i'm full japanese. yeah i don't get how both are possible either)

I am part Puertorican and I have a lot of other Puertoricans assume that I speak Spanish, but my dad never taught it to me. I've also had people think I was white until they heard my last name (Martinez). I can legitimately check every box except Asian on a racial census, though. People see what they want to see.

[Tos]

1 hour ago, Spotastic said:

People see what they want to see.

truer words never spoken

[Lichley]

1. Asexual Maromantic Grey-Gender Female
2. I like male-identifying people romantically, and I'm slightly female
3. I like guys and I'm a girl  (unless I know them well I won't explain further)
4. I've had some doubt from my folks, but they've decided to keep their opinions to themselves, which is nice. Other than that all of my two friends have been nice about it.

[OakTree]

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

Grey-romantic, sex-adverse asexual

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

I'm not out to my family, so on sites they follow me on I'm your "typical" heterosexual woman. However, on sites my internet friends are on I say I'm ace/asexual, and sometimes throw in my romantic orientation if they're more of a friend

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

For my housemates I said to them I was grey-romantic ace, to just general uni friends it doesn't really come up in conversation, but I'd probably say I was asexual (going into the whole romantic orientation with them might be a bit too much). Old/school friends and family (apart from my sister), I'm straight as I'm not out to any of them, I don't really want the bombardment of questions

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

All positive and super supportive, one of my housemates are very sexual, so they do give me a warning if they're going to be talking about sexual things, so I can leave the room or just not listen that intently, lol. No negative reactions yet, most people don't really care, which is nice

[Skycaptain]

Asexual, aromantic, agender 

 

I don't use other Internet chat type sites

 

Aro-ace 

 

In all but one case either positive or unaware and wanting more information. The one negative person I haven't seen since 

[cinary]

1. Agender aromantic asexual pan-alterous nomansensual (I'm sure about identyfication, but I'm still looking for a suitable label for the last one) 

 

2. Depends on a site. On Tumblr I use almost all of them. 

 

3. Depends on a person and why I want to tell them at all. All of my friends know I'm agender and asexual, some of them also know I'm aro. Some random people know about me being agender and/or ace. I mostly come out if there is a reason to do so or it comes up in a conversation so different people know different things, but nobody knows about my sensual or alterous orientation, mostly I just say that I like women. 

 

4. When people say that it's only in a movies that you have all queer friends? Bullshit. All of my friend are queer one way or another, so all of them were very, well, normal about it or supportive.