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Use of identity labels


TheAP

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. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

Heteroflexible, or bisexual, but the first is more accurate.

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

Straight

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

Straight. Rather not explain, especially since my religious beliefs would keep me from dating any girls, anyway. So if my only option is guys, there's not much point in calling myself bisexual. I don't want to lead anyone on.

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?
Haven't really "come out" to anyone and don't plan to.

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On 2/11/2018 at 7:44 AM, TheAP said:

Hi all, this is just a little survey to see how AVENites use labels to describe their identities. There is no poll; the questions are more open-ended.

 

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

1. I use the term asexual to describe my sexual orientation (it's the one that suits me best). Not sure about the term that would describe my romantic orientation... As for gender identity, I use non-binary or genderqueer (when it comes to filling out paperwork, if there are only two boxes, I'll go with the default birth gender; can't fight EVERY battle... 😞)

 

2. Depends on the site. I'm not fond of my gender, so I try not to bring it up online. On Facebook I'm referred to as "their". No one's said anything yet! 😁 I like AVEN because I feel like I can truly be myself here. Even if I don't exactly see eye-to-eye with everyone here, so far everyone has been respectful of how I feel and not tried to minimize or invalidate those feelings. It's different with people that I know, like most of my Facebook friends. Not a lot of people in my personal life know that I'm LGBT+. 😕

 

3. Like I mentioned in #2, I'm not out to everyone in my life. :( 

 

4. Some people are fine, cool even. Others are, uh, very inquisitive... Had to explain to my mother the other day that not everyone who questions their gender identity decides to have surgery. And even if they did, asking them about it is rather personal. Sigh... 😑 Thankfully, so far only one person has been a dick about it... 

 

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manicinsomniac

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

sexual orientation - a sexual

romantic orientation - probably straight but a little flexible?

gender identity - I don't think gender exists outside of artificial social constructs. We're all either women or men and, beyond that biological fact, should be able to express ourselves however we want to. 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

It's never really come up.

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

'Terminally single'!  I occasionally say, 'I'm probably asexual'

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

Well, it's obvious that I'm never in a relationship I suppose. I don't think people are surprised. And no, no backlash. I occasionally get, 'you just haven't met the right person yet' - but, annoying as it is, for all I know they could be right!

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SpookyNameHere

1. (Questioning) aromantic asexual

 

2. I haven't described my identity on any other site. 

 

3. I don't. 

 

4. I've only ever told one person in real life and that's only because he came out to me first. He was cool with it. 

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1. I use greyromantic or demiromantic. Asexual or graysexual, hard to tell and I go back and forth.

 

2. On this site, just graysexual. On my other social media I don't talk about my sexuality.

 

3. I'm very private about my sex life and romantic life. Most of my friends probably assume I'm always having sex like they are, and that's fine, just like it would be fine if they assumed I wasn't. They most likely assume I am heterosexual since I have occasionally talked about men who I think are pretty, and I have only dated men.

 

4.I've never told anyone outside of AVEN and my asexual boyfriend who I met when we were both in college and knew was ace fairly early on. But I imagine my family and friends would laugh it off and not believe me if i actually used the word asexual. If I told them I was not very interested in sex, however, i imagine they'd be fine with it. Most of my friends are not super sexual either.

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1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

Sexual Orientation - Asexual

Romantic Orientation -> Heteroflexible-Romantic

Gender Identity -> Cis-Male

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

Usually I'd leave it blank. The only website that comes to mind where that is not possible is OKC, where I have a quite inactive profile.

On there I've tagged myself as "Asexual + Straight", as well as "Male" (to cover the fields from above)

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

I mean, it's not really a topic that comes up in regular conversations. If the topic were forced, probably Male + Straight.

If for some reason accuracy was relevant, I wouldn't have a problem stating any of the information from 1) though.

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

N/A to the former since I don't tell people, and thus no to the latter.

(I very much doubt I would face any backlash though)

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1. Queer asexual trans guy (specifically a demi-boy)

 

2. I only use this and discord but the server I'm on is an ace server so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

3. It depends on the person. My close friends all know I'm ace and trans but I really didn't have to explain what it all meant, they either just knew or they had a slight confusion with one orientation and another.

 

4. Once again, it depends on the person. Most of my friends were really supportive and still are, but two in particular where not so much. One of them flat out told me to my face that I will never be a real guy and he misgendered me for the entire year after I told him, whereas the other used to emphasize my dead name and pronouns around our other friends and strangers and still doesn't believe that non-binary genders are even a thing and that someone can't use they/them pronouns since it's typically a plural pronoun.

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

Sexual Orientation - DemiGraysexual

Romantic Orientation - Homoflexible (99,999999% into girls)

Gender Identity -> Cis-Female

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

The only website that comes to mind where that is not possible is OKC, where I have a quite inactive profile.

Selected label: "Gay Demisexual"

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

People usually don't care about these kind of things around me. However,  if being asked I'd try to explain my current orientation as "homoflex-demigraysexual" and would hope for the best (or worst) result *lool* I'm such a special snowflake, I know :D 

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

N/A to the former since I don't tell people, and thus no to the latter.

Same here. No backlash so far.

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EnterCreativeName

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

Aromantic asexual, female, questioning graygender?

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

Usually I don't tell anyone, but there is one site that I'm good friends with most people on it. On that site, I've come out to them as aromantic, asexual, as a couple of them are also ace or graysexual. I've also mentioned before that I'm completely fine with whatever pronouns they use for me, as someone called me he/him. They are all accepting on that site, but anywhere else, I normally do not mention any of my labels at all. 

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

I'm pretty comfortable with coming out. I've told a lot of people, (family, friends, classmates) that I am asexual, and sometimes I'll go further and explain that I am also aromantic. I've only mentioned to one friend that I don't really care about pronouns, and that don't mind when strangers mistake me for being a boy. I've never told anyone a specific label for my gender identity, but I think most people who've known me for over a year recognizes that I'm not the most feminine person on the planet.

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

Most people are fine with it. I've had a couple friends tell me that it was pretty obvious, that they already knew that I was asexual. I've told my mom, who has accepted it and says occasionally that she is fine with me never getting married or having kids, or possibly finding someone and adopting at some point. I've also had a friend tell me that they too are asexual, and another person just ask, "So you like dating, just without the kissing?" There's been only one person who has reacted negatively to me telling him that I am asexual, which looking back at him, I'm not really surprised. He said quite a few rude things to my face, but he was only a classmate who I had been partnered up with for a project once, so it was easy for me to ignore him and never talk to him again.

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purpleandgreylife
On 2/11/2018 at 9:44 AM, TheAP said:

Hi all, this is just a little survey to see how AVENites use labels to describe their identities. There is no poll; the questions are more open-ended.

 

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

  1. My sexual orientation is asexual, my romantic orientation is grey-sexual (I find myself going back and forth between aromantic and possibly romantic, so grey works best for me). I also consider myself bi-sensual, because I like physical but not sexual touch, especially from those I feel closest to. Hugging, kissing, sharing a bed, cuddling, and other soft touches (not sexual) are important to me in a close relationship. As for my gender identity, I identify as a cis-gendered female.
  2. AVEN is really the only internet site I use where I share anything personal about myself so I don't describe my identity to people online at any other site.
  3. When describing my identity to people, I tend to not use AVEN jargon, and go for a description of what my labels mean. For instance, when I was talking to some of my cousins about being aromantic, I didn't use the word aromantic, I just described that I want to find "my person" - someone who I feel completely comfortable being myself around and who I accept for who they are and whom accepts me for who I am. I talked about what kinds of things I would like in my ideal relationship (which definitely doesn't sound like a stereotypical romance) and things like that. I have found more success in this approach than in the more blunt approach where I actually call myself asexual.
  4. I have had a pretty equal number of negative and positive reactions. My best friend was very accepting when I told her. She had a lot of questions but there was no judgement, only a desire to know more. I told another close friend of mine and she went of the offensive, trying to find a reason why I "feel like that." She came up with all these theories of what could have "happened" to me to make me think I was "like that." She basically spent the whole conversation trying to disprove my asexuality and topped it all off with a "you don't know unless you've tried (in reference to sex)" and saying that I was "scared of sex" and calling me a "nervous virgin." So, that one did not go well. I had another instance where it was found out, but the person was so somber about it I could tell they didn't believe me and they have yet to bring it up or acknowledge it as a possibility, even hypothetically (like applying the concept to a TV character) since then. When I came out to my cousins without using any labels, the conversation was much better and they were able to relate to some of the things I was thinking and saying, and there was a lot of understanding and validation of how I feel.
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Biblioromantic
On 2/11/2018 at 8:44 AM, TheAP said:

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

1. I strongly self-identify as asexual and cis-female. As far as romantic orientation, it gets murkier. I'm technically gray-heteromantic, but it's super rare and I'd rather just not deal with the headache and heartache anyway. If pressed, I'd probably say I was aromantic, as that's more likely to be similar with the way I tend to interact with others.

 

2. The only site I'm on regularly that asks about identity is AVEN. On Facebook, I'm listed as female, but I don't have any other public, personally-identifying information there besides my name. I am active of a couple of private or closed ace Facebook groups, plus I'm a nominal member of one open ace group I've been careful to hide my membership to through combing through my privacy settings, and I don't interact with that open group where anyone would track it back to me. I regularly decline friend requests from people who aren't in my immediate family or that I don't know well and trust.

 

3. In conversation with 99% of people, I don't discuss my asexuality. I will say "I'm not interested in dating right now" or "I'm on a break from dating" or "I'm not dating anyone at the moment." I do proudly wear a black ace ring every day, and sometimes I'll wear a ring with the four colors of the ace flag.

 

4. I have come out to my mom in person (who immediately called and outted me to my dad), my brother and his wife via speakerphone, and my unmarried brother in person (who my parents had already told about me coming out). Those conversations were all held one-on-one so the person/couple could ask their questions and/or express their opinions in a safe, private space, and the longest conversation lasted 10 minutes. I wanted to be more active in the ace community locally, and I wanted them to hear it from me instead of finding a post online or hearing it from someone else, so I told them before that could happen. Their responses were to immediately tell me God still loved me and then bounce between tears and anger whenever the subject comes up (my mom), to tell me I'm "old enough to make [my] own decisions" (my dad), to doubt that asexual people really exist (my married brother), to tell me I should lie to potential marriage partners because sex isn't really that important after you're married (my sister-in-law), and to tell me that I'm not sexually attracted to anyone as a side effect of medications (my unmarried brother, who informed me that was also the stance of my parents). A year ago, my parents invited me over most weeks for Sunday dinner, and I talked to and texted occasionally with both brothers and, rarely, my sister-in-law. Since those conversations 4-5 months ago, I have spoken with my parents once by phone and once in person (they have a habit of showing up at my house randomly every few months on a contrived excuse), but Sunday dinners have been permanently cancelled. I haven't spoken to either brother, but sometimes I get photos of my nephews via group text from my sister-in-law. In short, I have lost my family in all but name. To be clear, I don't regret being ace or even telling them about this part of myself, but I do regret that this is their response. I miss them, but I have to respect their choice in how they respond. If they are ever ready to discuss it or even just make overtures to continue our familial relationships, I'll be ready to do so, but I am waiting for them to make the first step. Until then, I'm living my life separately from theirs, and I'm glad I'm a 30-something adult and financially free of their influence.

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Fluffy Femme Guy

1. "Short version", AroAce cis-male

Gray+Demi AroAce, Hetero-Aesthetic, cis-male non-conforming
I'm not super into labels, since most people find them confusing, but I would gladly explain the concepts to anyone who's open-minded and curious.
The fact that we're describing things on the very limits/edges of language doesn't help.
 

2. I don't share that kind of thing unless there is a really good reason. If I did I'd say AroAce unless somebody asked for more detail.

 

3. I generally don't unless it's LGBT+ people. I don't usually bring it up in other unless someone was outright pestering me, or asked in a genuine manner.

 

4. I've only told a few close friends. But this isn't a problem since I don't hang with "why don't you have someone?" types anyway.

I don't feel the need to 'broadcast' my identity everywhere I go. I'm mostly fine just 'being' myself. A type of quiet confidence.
I'm also pretty sure I give off this 'non-heteronormative, not available for romance/sex' 'vibe' that people pick up on, since I'm left alone in that regard.

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1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

Demi-pan or Demi-bi still working on my romantic orientation but leaning toward pan 😸

 

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

I haven’t told many people just a few friends from my furry fandom.

 

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

I normally just tell them the label I use. If they seem interested I will go into detail about asexually but that’s only been two people so far lol

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

 
Most people just change the subject to a more superficial conversation topic. 
(“I’m gay wbu?” I’m Demi-pan romantic “Ok..., so do you like cats?”)
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  • 1 month later...

1) Aromantic Asexual

2) Same as above

3) I just say I’m ace, don’t really go into the romantic spectrum.

4)I’m only out to like, 5 people, so I can’t say much really but thus far it’s been positive.

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I say I'm a sex-repulsed autochorissexual Ace. I'm a male. (Even though I'm confused sometimes)

 

I don't go on other social media sites or many other sites where you share stuff because I'm sex-repulsed and I have PTSD to sexual terminology so AVEN is the safest place.

 

I usually say I'm Asexual and try not to mention anything more cause people look at me weird.

 

I try not to share it because I'm afraid. When I have shared it I've gotten some support and also people laughing at me 😢

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On 2/11/2018 at 9:44 AM, TheAppallingPhantom said:

Hi all, this is just a little survey to see how AVENites use labels to describe their identities. There is no poll; the questions are more open-ended.

 

1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

1.Asexual and sex repulsed, panromantic with masculine leaning, cisgender but androgynous.

2.I keep it close to myself unless I can trust them. But if I do tell them, I just say panromantic asexual.

3. same like #2

4. My good friends just accept it and don't treat me any different afterwords.

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1. What terms or labels do you use to describe your sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and/or gender identity?

 

Sexual- asexual

Romantic- panromantic

Gender- questioning, nonbinary, genderqueer, but I think demigirlflux is the closest to my “actual” gender.

 

2. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people on other Internet sites?

 

Same way as I do here, except on Twitter and Instagram I think I have ‘demigirlflux’ without stating that I’m still questioning. 

On Facebook, however, I don’t describe my identity, but I present as cishet because I’m not out to my parents.

 

3. How, if at all, do you describe your identity to people in real life?

 

Irl it depends on who it is. 

•My family (except for my cousin), anyone at church, any adults (except for my counsellor and one teacher), and anyone who I’m not entirely certain won’t tell my parents/think I’m evil— I am cishet. 

•My friends at school, my cousin— I am cis panromantic asexual. 

•Select friends at school  (like, 3) and my boyfriend— Fully out, panromantic asexual, questioning/demigirlflux. 

•One friend from church (special case)— cishet ace

 

4. How do people react when you tell them about your identity? Have you faced any backlash?

 

OVERALL the people I tell are pretty chill.

 

Funnily enough, I haven’t faced any backlash for being panromantic (from the people I’ve told, at least) or my gender (although very few people know), but I have faced backlash for being ace. Typical stuff- late bloomer, you’ve never had sex so you can’t know, asexuality isn’t real, you’re in denial, you’re mentally ill and that’s why you think you’re ace, you have autism and that’s why you think you’re ace, et cetera.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 months later...

@TheAP

 

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organisation, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to restart new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

  

iff, Census Forum Moderator

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