Would you say this is romantic or platonic?

[SparrowFliesSouthForWinter]

I know there are hundreds of other posts like this, but I haven't been able to answer my question yet so I was hoping for other opinions? Prepare for a ton of kinda cringy and confusing descriptions...

 

So I can't tell the difference between romantic or platonic feelings, but the closest I've ever come to experiencing romantic attraction was to my best friend. I never really initiate physical contact (and have unfortunately been told I sometimes pull weird faces when I know it's expected of me haha) but for some time I really wanted my best friend to always be touching me and for us to hold hands/cuddle/forehead kisses, and I had the urge to initiate physical contact with her a lot. We slept in the same bed whenever we shared a room, and I always got really excited whenever she suggested it because I'd have an excuse to be close to her, and when she rolled on top of me in her sleep, I only moved her off of me when I was unable to go back to sleep. I even thought about her actually kissing me and vice versa at one point, but that could have easily have been me desperately trying to confirm that I was feeling romantic attraction and that I wasn't fully aromantic. I also remember wanting to make her smile and laugh all the time, and whenever she drew on my hand or zipped up my dress or something similar my skin kinda tingled(?) whenever she or something she was holding touched me.

 

I had a similar thing (but to a lesser extent) with the previous best friend I had before her other self-proclaimed best friend wouldn't let me talk to her much, so I'm not sure if that means it's just close friendship or I had a small crush on her too. I know I felt jealous when that happened, but it wasn't anywhere near as much jealousy as when my new best friend (the one I might have had a crush on) became best friends with my previous best friend and acted very couply in the way I wanted to be with her. Even though I no longer feel possibly romantic towards my old potential crush, I still feel incredibly jealous, angry and bitter towards both of them, and it's been over a year since then, but I can't tell if it's jealousy as in 'you stole my crush' or jealousy as in 'you stole my best friend' or both.

 

I know I wanted to be very, very close with her, but without the certain 'I want to kiss you' part, I'm not sure what it was. For some people that would be romantic but for others it would just be close friendship. Does anyone have any opinions on this?

[Gldlynch]

Hey SparrowFliesSouthForWinter

 

The easiest way to differentiate the two attractions is whether you want to be "just friends" or more than friends. It's the idea of being happy friend-zoned or being saddened if that were to happen.

 

Romance is usually linked to the notions of getting the warm fuzzies... butterflies... sweaty palms and all of those cute things, but platonic is linked to keeping your cool and collectiveness (possibly the "no-strings-attached" connection).

 

Would you have been happy about the idea of introducing your best friends (past/present) as your boy/girlfriend? Or would you have been more comfortable if someone else were to take that role? I think 'jealousy' does play a key role in defining your feelings towards other people and it's something that is often hard to admit.

[Rhyme]

I have exactly zero experience with romance, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt, but my immediate reaction was "that sounds more romantic than platonic." I'm not sure exactly what it is that feels romantic to me, but perhaps it is the fact that you felt differently about your best friend than other friends in terms of physical contact, or the excitement at the prospect of being close to her, or the tingling skin when she was touching you. 

 

What I've been advised to do, when trying to differentiate between romantic and platonic, is to say "is this different to what I feel about my other friends?" If it's a really good friend, it might be more intense than with other friends, but is it different somehow? Is it something that I'd only want to do with that person, even if for unexplained reasons? 

 

Kissing is an expected thing created by society, and is not a necessary part of romantic attraction. A similar example is how not all allosexual people want to have penetrative sex. 

 

I'm not trying to say that it is definitely romantic, but that's my take on it. Hope you figure it out

[SparrowFliesSouthForWinter]

Thank you for your replies, they've been really helpful

 

3 hours ago, Gldlynch said:

Would you have been happy about the idea of introducing your best friends (past/present) as your boy/girlfriend? Or would you have been more comfortable if someone else were to take that role?

Honestly I think I would have wanted to introduce the one I felt more strongly about as my girlfriend, and would probably have been pretty jealous if someone else had instead, so I guess with that logic maybe it was romantic. As for the whole 'warm fuzzies... butterflies... sweaty palms' part, I definitely relate more to the 'warm fuzzies' part than the others, though maybe that's because I'd already known her for somewhere between 9-12 months so I wasn't as nervous as people seem to be around crushes normally? And I'm pretty sure I wanted to be more than just friends

 

4 hours ago, Rhyme said:

What I've been advised to do, when trying to differentiate between romantic and platonic, is to say "is this different to what I feel about my other friends?" If it's a really good friend, it might be more intense than with other friends, but is it different somehow? Is it something that I'd only want to do with that person, even if for unexplained reasons? 

Hmm this also points towards it being romantic, as as far as I remember it was distinctly different from what I felt for other friends. But wow, I've never thought about the whole 'different rather than intense friendship' thing in that way. I don't know how but your phrasing kinda changed how I interpreted it and now I can see it was definitely different, so thank you and yeah, I guess kissing is just a societal thing, and that makes the whole platonic/romantic thing kinda easier to determine now that I'm not using the whole 'but did you want to kiss her?' argument haha

 

 

So going off of all of that, I guess it probably was romantic, and the difference between romantic and platonic feelings is a lot clearer now, both of which are so good to know. Thanks again, you were both really helpful but on another note, wOW I use too many smilies

[purpleandgreylife]

On 2/11/2018 at 5:21 AM, SparrowFliesSouthForWinter said:

I know there are hundreds of other posts like this, but I haven't been able to answer my question yet so I was hoping for other opinions? Prepare for a ton of kinda cringy and confusing descriptions...

 

So I can't tell the difference between romantic or platonic feelings, but the closest I've ever come to experiencing romantic attraction was to my best friend. I never really initiate physical contact (and have unfortunately been told I sometimes pull weird faces when I know it's expected of me haha) but for some time I really wanted my best friend to always be touching me and for us to hold hands/cuddle/forehead kisses, and I had the urge to initiate physical contact with her a lot. We slept in the same bed whenever we shared a room, and I always got really excited whenever she suggested it because I'd have an excuse to be close to her, and when she rolled on top of me in her sleep, I only moved her off of me when I was unable to go back to sleep. I even thought about her actually kissing me and vice versa at one point, but that could have easily have been me desperately trying to confirm that I was feeling romantic attraction and that I wasn't fully aromantic. I also remember wanting to make her smile and laugh all the time, and whenever she drew on my hand or zipped up my dress or something similar my skin kinda tingled(?) whenever she or something she was holding touched me.

 

I can't comment on the romantic/platonic question because I'm still working that out for myself. However, it sounds like, you crave a sensual (non-sexual relationship). I think some people just really need a certain amount of physical touch for comfort as well as an indicator of closeness. It sounds to me like your want for sensuality  is separate from any platonic/romantic feelings.

 

You may have been jealous, not so much of your friend as the fact that they had an aspect of the relationship style you craved and they were openly displaying a sensual affection (again not sexual) that you wanted to have.