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Can you know if you like kissing without trying it?


SparrowFliesSouthForWinter

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SparrowFliesSouthForWinter

I've been trying to figure out my romantic orientation, and I know I'm on the aromantic spectrum somewhere but I'm not sure where. I can't really tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings, so I was trying to set criteria for what romantic attraction would be for me. The closest I've ever been to experiencing romantic feelings was towards my best friend (hence I'm tentatively identifying as demihomoromantic), but I can't tell if it was romantic or just really close friendship. I would decide by whether or not I would want/enjoy/be okay with kissing, but I've never been kissed and I think I'd only have a chance of liking it if it was with someone I was emotionally very close with (ie. someone I might have a crush on). Sadly, you can't really ask your best friend/crush/not crush to kiss you because wOW that would be awkward and complicated, so is there a way to tell if you'd like kissing with a particular person if you have no experience with kissing?

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Luftschlosseule

Listen to yourself. Are you curious, disgusted, indifferent?

Also, kissing is a western practice that spread. It's a custom. You don't need to want to kiss to be alloromantic.

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Do you know if you'll enjoy drinking out of the toilet if you haven't tried it?

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SparrowFliesSouthForWinter
15 minutes ago, Luftschlosseule said:

Listen to yourself. Are you curious, disgusted, indifferent?

Also, kissing is a western practice that spread. It's a custom. You don't need to want to kiss to be alloromantic.

I guess I'm curious more than anything... when I try to imagine what would feel like, I'm mostly indifferent, but I'm pretty disconnected to the whole thing so I feel like I'd maybe like it more in real life. Imagining someone touching my hand is something I feel indifferent to but in reality if I really like the person it's much nicer... maybe that's how I feel about kissing then? And yeah, I guess it is only a custom, but it sure does make it easier to distinguish romantic attraction :) thank youuu

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Sounds like you are positive about it. I'm pretty much hard-line aro ace, so even just imagining kiss is kinda impossible. Just totally blank, and feel like 'meh'... This is one of the examples of aro.

I guess maybe you are demi-aro?

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I can say I knew I wanted to kiss even before I did it the first time. I was attracted to the person and just wanted to kiss them and to learn if I like it. Primary I just wanted to kiss and secondary I was courious if would like it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/11/2018 at 4:40 AM, SparrowFliesSouthForWinter said:

I've been trying to figure out my romantic orientation, and I know I'm on the aromantic spectrum somewhere but I'm not sure where. I can't really tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings, so I was trying to set criteria for what romantic attraction would be for me. The closest I've ever been to experiencing romantic feelings was towards my best friend (hence I'm tentatively identifying as demihomoromantic), but I can't tell if it was romantic or just really close friendship. I would decide by whether or not I would want/enjoy/be okay with kissing, but I've never been kissed and I think I'd only have a chance of liking it if it was with someone I was emotionally very close with (ie. someone I might have a crush on). Sadly, you can't really ask your best friend/crush/not crush to kiss you because wOW that would be awkward and complicated, so is there a way to tell if you'd like kissing with a particular person if you have no experience with kissing?

I have kissed a few guys and honestly it is not magical. It is lips. I was expecting rainbows and flowers and fireworks, but I got lips.

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Personally I enjoyed kissing in the past, but really wanted to kiss my ex before I actually did. I was curious about what it would feel like and my body was basically telling me to do this even before my first kiss happened. Listen to your body. If you try to kiss someone without actually wanting to kiss them, chances are you won't enjoy it. I wouldn't recommend it for your first kiss. Kissing can be "magical" when you kiss the right person at the right time. You'll feel it if or when the moment comes. 

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Yea television and media glamorize relationships to the point where things like kissing and sex  that might be considered disgusting or not emotionally resonating with us as essentially to relationships even though they don’t have to be

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I tried kissing and it was weird and boring and I kept laughing. I really don't get it.  (I like neck stuff, though ....oddly). I mean , give yourself a rub on the neck- it feels nice. :)

I don't regret trying out stuff, though. It was my decision to see, and even though it didn't change anything , at least I feel like I know more . I don't think you need to kiss to 'prove' that you don't want it, though.   With  sexuality  it's kind of like....you have to want it to even feel it? And since I didn't want it , it proved to be a useless endeavor. I wasn't even particularly attached to the person I shared the kiss with either...So ...

 I had a very close friendship as well ( still ongoing but we don't spend as much time together) , and looking back at it , I do wonder if it was 'love' , but I don't know if it was. I think it was just an intense friendship , but she is the person I love the most out of my entire life, so ....*shrugs*

 

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wonderflonium
On 2/23/2018 at 7:53 PM, an_orange said:

I have kissed a few guys and honestly it is not magical. It is lips. I was expecting rainbows and flowers and fireworks, but I got lips.

Hahahaha, oh my goodness, same!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think the way some things are glamorized, you can imagine liking it and it must be great, but when you try it, it can still be quite meh or even gross.

 

So I'm of the maybe opinion. If the idea doesn't gross you out, you may or may not like it if you try it. For me it's mostly been nopes, but occasionally I will enjoy something physically romantic. Like holding hands, cuddles. Personally I can't stand kissing, but once in blue moon it won't repulse me (btw I only have really kissed my husband so the hit and misses are all with the same person which I find confusing). I also have never cared for platonic kisses.

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Unfortunately, you can have a squish on someone and still be cool with kissing them, and vice versa. Also, that's something you should look into: squishes. I felt myself unusually drawn to one of my friends, and the real deal breaker that made me figure out that I was aromantic was that they were starting a romantic relationship and beyond what I've since labelled "platonic jealousy" I didn't really care. (Platonic jealousy for me being that I got frustrated when they started sucking up their time and I could never just talk to my friend on their own - especially because their possible romantic partner is very shy and we really don't want to worry her that there's something beyond close friends between us, its been an issue before.) A squish is like a desire to become best friends with a person, as supposed to a desire to exclusively date this person. It took me forever to finally settle on a comfortable answer. Honestly, one of the best signs that its not romantic is if you can't help but question whether it's romantic or not. 

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On 2/11/2018 at 5:40 AM, SparrowFliesSouthForWinter said:

Sadly, you can't really ask your best friend/crush/not crush to kiss you because wOW that would be awkward and complicated, so is there a way to tell if you'd like kissing with a particular person if you have no experience with kissing?

Yeah, I really wish our culture was more okay with friends flat out asking to kiss. I personally think kissing is super disgusting, but I’d have no problem if someone asked if they could kiss me. It’s really sad how society makes asking for a kiss awkward, which then pressures people to just go for it whenever the person “feels the cues” or whatever without really asking. Then people end up getting kissed when they didn’t want to all because culture has built up an artificial wall that makes asking for a kiss awkward.

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On 2/11/2018 at 2:54 PM, Falcon7 said:

Sounds like you are positive about it. I'm pretty much hard-line aro ace, so even just imagining kiss is kinda impossible. Just totally blank, and feel like 'meh'... This is one of the examples of aro.

I guess maybe you are demi-aro?

I don’t think kissing has to be romantic. It’s possible to be aro even if you enjoy kissing, you just might not want to be in a romantic relationship.

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On 3/11/2018 at 8:34 PM, Orianaro said:

I felt myself unusually drawn to one of my friends, and the real deal breaker that made me figure out that I was aromantic was that they were starting a romantic relationship and beyond what I've since labelled "platonic jealousy" I didn't really care. (Platonic jealousy for me being that I got frustrated when they started sucking up their time and I could never just talk to my friend on their own - especially because their possible romantic partner is very shy and we really don't want to worry her that there's something beyond close friends between us, its been an issue before.) A squish is like a desire to become best friends with a person, as supposed to a desire to exclusively date this person. It took me forever to finally settle on a comfortable answer. Honestly, one of the best signs that its not romantic is if you can't help but question whether it's romantic or not.

Wow- I really like your definition of platonic jealousy.

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IrishArcher

I'm still figuring out my romantic orientation myself, and I know exactly what you mean. Personally, I always imagined kissing to be enjoyable and romantic, and I thought I'd like it. When I finally did end up kissing someone, it fell way short of my expectations, and I actually found it really gross. It could just be that I never actually liked any of the people I kissed (at least not in that way), but I have no way of knowing if it would be different if I liked them since I haven't found anyone I do like that way.

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