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I told my partner's about aromantism but she thinks it's fake


Haywoodyoublowme

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Haywoodyoublowme

So, per usual I finally did tell my girlfriend that I am aromantic. I explained to her that I care about her and love her but not in the way that lines up with hers, specifically.

I assured her that it was very much okay for us to break off, or if she needed time to think I could give it to her. Or if she wants to still "be with" me, she'd have to know that I bluntly have no romantic feelings for her. At all.

She said that she wanted to stay and I was fine with that. But with that, our relationship seemed more on the edge than anything. I felt free but at the same time, guilted bc Ive told her that I can't offer her something I don't have. Which is a romantic partner. 

A couple of days earlier one of my best friends has reported to me that she has been tweeting stuff about me lying about my sexuality (two of her own-straight-friends told her this and she believed it) and that she just wants to stay with me so she could have a date to prom (it's coming up soon here).

With that I am very much angry at her. Not for venting, but really just for listening to her friends with my aromantism not being valid. I'm tired but I don't want people to come after me (at the first thread I stated that she's pretty popular and if I do something like break up with her, Im going to be the bad guy—Which is why Im waiting it out until the school year finishes and end it there so I will never have to see her again)

 

But really, should I just break it off bc this is turning toxic real quick or should I wait it out?  (the end of the school year is April in my country so that's about 2 months from when this topic was posted) 

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Galactic Turtle

If two people aren't compatible, for any reason, I don't see why they wouldn't break up.

 

I know school climates can be a bit stifling but from what I remember from high school you're gonna be seen as the bad guy regardless of when you break up. And honestly why would you need a prom date (especially) if there's food?

 

The mac and cheese at my prom was heavenly.

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Hm, maybe with time it will blow over?  Sometimes things just move on without controversy.  It sucks when people don't understand, but it's difficult to communicate so misunderstanding happens a lot whatever we do, too.  Sometimes people find a way to remain on good terms despite being rubbed the wrong way by something.

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@Haywoodyoublowme Staying with her won't prevent anything bad from happening. If anything, it would be better to leave now because like you said, things have gotten progressively worse since you told her. Also she admitted that she is using you publicly, and if you stay with her you'll be seen as a chump. Don't give her power over you.

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You've reassured her that despite feeling no romantic feelings towards her you still love her, but now you're staying in that relationship because it's inconvenient to break up with her?

 

It would be far more respectful (to you both) to end it now. Breakups are never easy, but it's clear that you want to - do both of yourselves a favor and end it now.

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If she's already talking negatively about you to other people, it would be in your best interest (both of you) to end the relationship now. You've stated that the situation is growing worse since you've come out to her, so staying would only prolong the tension and awkwardness. It sounds like you're in high school; in the long run, since you likely won't see each other again, there's no point in waiting until the end of the academic year.

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Lots of good practical insight here.

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Do you actually want to go to prom?

 

Also--these are your last months in high school. Don't spend them being with someone who puts you on edge and makes you unhappy. Looking back I cherished my last months at school even though I so desperately wanted to go. You really never EVER have another time like this in life. College is similar in some ways but for the most part is completely different. For the record, I do not miss high school but those last days are just about the last days in your life you won't have huge responsibilities lingering around. Of course you may already have some but if you don't, consider that possibility. 

 

Popularity will only last a few more months...after that people move on to their next stage. I guess the only real risk you run is missing out on end of school parties. But if you split after prom (which honestly is where I see this going), you may miss them anyway.

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3 hours ago, Haywoodyoublowme said:

A couple of days earlier one of my best friends has reported to me that she has been tweeting stuff about me lying about my sexuality (two of her own-straight-friends told her this and she believed it) and that she just wants to stay with me so she could have a date to prom (it's coming up soon here).

Yikes! Subtweeting isn't cool. She shouldn't disrespect you like that, especially on social media for everyone to see. It's none of their business what your sexuality/romanticism is. It's even more uncool to out someone without their consent (if you're not open).

 

Though thinking more about it... have you seen these tweets for yourself? I'm not accusing your friend of lying, I just think it would only help you if you had absolute certainty. Such as seeing it in context, etc.

 

Either way, if her only reason for staying with you is for prom, that's pretty low... She's using you. I personally don't think it would be healthy to stick around with someone who treats you with little respect (judging from what you've shared). It doesn't work out with two people who don't want to be together only stick around because it would be "inconvenient" to break it off. Such a comparison, for example, are parents who don't want to be with each other, but only stick around for their child(ren); that usually doesn't work out and is only harmful to everyone, even the child(ren).

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Break up with her publically, and make it clear that her being rude about you behind your back, and being dismissive of your views and only wanting you for prom date are the reasons you're breaking up. That way people hear your side of the story first.

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13 hours ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

Or you could just not care what they think.

Even if OP doesn't care about what people think, letting someone talk behind their backs just because they are "popular" is unforgivable. I've had my fair share of those back in high school so you should definitely break up with her. That person has no right to dismiss your orientation like that, and should know that her popularity won't protect her forever - it won't protect her at all if I were to be completely honest. The choice is yours, but if it's only for prom (something which doesn't exist in France, haha), then there's no point staying with her. After all, it could also get worse after high school. Plus, you're no bad guy for breaking up with someone who dare insult their partner publicly on social media. That's beyond rude.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Haywoodyoublowme
On 2/11/2018 at 10:57 AM, Galactic Turtle said:

If two people aren't compatible, for any reason, I don't see why they wouldn't break up.

 

I know school climates can be a bit stifling but from what I remember from high school you're gonna be seen as the bad guy regardless of when you break up. And honestly why would you need a prom date (especially) if there's food?

 

The mac and cheese at my prom was heavenly.

Oh man, my real plan really was to just sit in a corner and talk to my friends the entire night and possibly stay for a sleepover with my friends or something. :P

 

Yeah, at this point I did break it off with her but she's being a reaaaal clingy douche whenever she sees me having fun with my friends. Which I quickly realized was just "what the fuck-ish" of her to do so I really stopped conversing with her and because my friends didn't like her anyways so it's all good.

 

To this moment, she still subtweets about me and my friends. And actually one other friend of mine has sent a bunch of screenshots of their conversation of her BLANTLY outing me to him so u can imagine how even more furious I was.

 

But hey, hope we do have mac and cheese for prom ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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