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In Love With The Idea of Love?


Samby

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Something I've been thinking about lately is how even though I adore romance and I think I would love to experience that myself, part of me questions whether I actually can, you know?  While I want to be able to do all the romantic things, when I try to picture myself in those moments I kind of have a little internal cringe, making me wonder whether rather than being romantic, i'm just in love with the idea of romantic love.  It could be that I've just not met the right person but that also makes me wonder if I ever will meet that one person.  This was a post to help me get my thoughts a bit clearer and I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense.  Does anyone else feel like this?  That they want to identify as romantic but in reality may be aro?

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Galactic Turtle

I think lots of people are in love with the idea of love. I think that's the reason behind lots of relationships that shouldn't have started and lasted far past their expiration date.

 

Yes you could meet the "right person" but maybe not in the way you're thinking. I think as people mature and get older they find out that romantic love isn't always loud and passionate like it is on TV. Sometimes it's a quieter, gradual thing, easier to fall into initially instead of being hit by a truck of feelings. I think the only connecting feeling behind everyone's "love" story or "that thing I got wrapped up in that one time" story is the desire for a recognized partnership with someone(s) for one's own emotional fulfillment. 

 

If there happens to be someone in your life you want to make a partnership with then cool! If not then that's also fine. Better than diving into something you're not sure about in my opinion, especially if you are of the asexual variety.

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Same here. I like the idea of being in love with someone, and often have mushy romantic thoughts about those I'm obsessed with. But I don't know if I would like a romantic relationship in reality. I tend to idealize people, so I don't know if I would be able to stay in love with the whole person once I got to know them more. Plus, there's the chance that I would lose romantic interest in my partner once I developed an obsession with someone else. And I like to be alone a lot, so I don't know if I would really enjoy being in a relationship.

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Same over here- I think romance is lovely for those interested and is a nice idea. But I feel like the entire whirlwind romance is something that's been portrayed as something perfect, and to be ultimately desired, and as something to aim for generally in life. I think it's something awesome but not for meee 😂

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Extroverted Introvert

I love the idea of love. I love cheesy romantic movies and the "how we met" and "when I knew she/he was the one" stories. Weddings are fun. But I don't think that I have ever wanted to be in a romantic relationship with anyone. But I love the idea that I would have someone to grow old with, to lean on when I need support, to laugh with and make memories with. I would love to have that type of relationship, but I don't know if it is possible for me to find that outside of a romantic relationship.

 

Plus a part of me really wants to be a mother and I don't think I would ever want to do that alone. Like, could I just find someone and just agree to be parents together? Is that a thing?

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1 minute ago, Extroverted Introvert said:

Plus a part of me really wants to be a mother and I don't think I would ever want to do that alone. Like, could I just find someone and just agree to be parents together? Is that a thing?

While I do think I would like romance to be a part of that equation, if it turns out that really isn't just for me I'd really like that because I agree, while it is certainly doable alone I would rather have someone there to act as a second parent. 

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RottenInDenmark

I would also say it is possible to find someone, but i can understand it's difficult to see one-self in those moments.

i know i tried romance, maybe the person wasn't right for me or maybe i'm just not build that way. *shrugs

i don't like when people say i should just settle', i can imagine myself with a person, but not romantically,... course i would hate to fake romantic feelings (again) just for the sake of being in love.

I do sometimes imagine it would be nice finding someone i have that spark' with 'permanently'. But till now, i haven't, and for me they can't be forced. So i remain single.  

I even tried dating someone identical to my personality, and i had zero interest or feelings in anything romantic like Gomez and Morticia.  If the feelings are not simply there,.. romance feels like empty words with no meaning. 

Billedresultat for gomez and morticia gif

#bored

 

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RottenInDenmark

maybe not the most cheerful, but i think these are are importing points, pondering romance :) 

 

 

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6 minutes ago, Extroverted Introvert said:

I love the idea of love. I love cheesy romantic movies and the "how we met" and "when I knew she/he was the one" stories. Weddings are fun. But I don't think that I have ever wanted to be in a romantic relationship with anyone. But I love the idea that I would have someone to grow old with, to lean on when I need support, to laugh with and make memories with. I would love to have that type of relationship, but I don't know if it is possible for me to find that outside of a romantic relationship.

See they all sound awesome, and would be nice to have, but equally I can't  help but view all those things in a strictly platonic way, but it's an ongoing worry that I won't be able to find that platonically and the thought of being alone isn't a particularly nice one. It's just something to add to the entire 'that's a future problem!' But it's never a nice thought, is it? Funnily enough though, I would love a wedding- they look like so much fun! 

 

I could have a self wedding? :') a platonic wedding? 😂

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Extroverted Introvert
2 minutes ago, Muir Caileag said:

See they all sound awesome, and would be nice to have, but equally I can't  help but view all those things in a strictly platonic way, but it's an ongoing worry that I won't be able to find that platonically and the thought of being alone isn't a particularly nice one. It's just something to add to the entire 'that's a future problem!' But it's never a nice thought, is it? Funnily enough though, I would love a wedding- they look like so much fun! 

I know! I would love to find all of that in a strictly platonic way. But actually finding that sounds extremely difficult and rare. I just don't want to be that little old lady with no family to look after her that everyone pities. And I don't even like cats, so I can't fall back on the cat lady stereotype! ha!

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RottenInDenmark
10 minutes ago, Muir Caileag said:

I could have a self wedding? :') a platonic wedding?

tumblr_inline_omttfgWVSn1t6ouu6_500.png

 

heck yeah to a nice platonic wedding XD 

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Just now, Extroverted Introvert said:

I know! I would love to find all of that in a strictly platonic way. But actually finding that sounds extremely difficult and rare. I just don't want to be that little old lady with no family to look after her that everyone pities. And I don't even like cats, so I can't fall back on the cat lady stereotype! ha!

I know! Hoping I'll be lucky enough to stumble across that at some point? And I know, I'm such a people person and the thought of everyone else getting their life partners and what-not, and me being alone low-key terrifies me! 

 

However I do love dogs and I can see me being a dog pack leader in the future! 

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@karo32 That is one of the best things I've seen 😂 Platonic weddings need some starting up I'm so on board with this! :')

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RottenInDenmark
19 minutes ago, Muir Caileag said:

 That is one of the best things I've seen 😂 Platonic weddings need some starting up I'm so on board with this! :')

Relateret billede

 

 

 

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22 minutes ago, karo32 said:

maybe not the most cheerful, but i think these are are importing points, pondering romance :) 

Oh wow, I like that video, especially the animation XD 

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Finding soulmate
23 hours ago, karo32 said:

tumblr_inline_omttfgWVSn1t6ouu6_500.png

 

heck yeah to a nice platonic wedding XD 

Same here

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1 hour ago, artzcat said:

I definitely think I'm in love with the idea of love. I can enjoy romantic themes and imagine romantic scenarios. But when I place these things in the real world with actual self I can't fathom it working out well. Awhile ago some guy was interested in me and i enjoyed the romantic gestures and conversation. Thinking back on it, I think I liked it because it was online, it was distant. I could create myself as being romantic through words. But whenever I thought of us actually together romantically... well I really couldn't. I don't think of myself as a romantic person. I think of myself as someone who knows romance so well that I could only act romantic as part of a fantasy/ideal. 

This is exactly how I feel.  Online I feel comfortable with the idea but put it in the real world and I have a mini freak out.  

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girlwiththelongskirt

Your post makes so much sense to me, I totally understand what you mean. I don't know my romantic orientation and reading this/all the comments really helps. I feel like I can't identify as aromantic because I do want a romantic realtionship, but I don't know how to identify myself if I'm not aro. I have only once maybe had feeling for someone (I'm not sure if I'm actually in love with him or just the idea of having a relationship with him/wanting to be his friend). I don't feel comfortable identifing as straight-/gay-/bi-/panromantic because I have never had any romantic feelings for someone, but I do want a romantic relationship with someone so aromantic doesn't seem to fit me either. Now I mostly say I'm questioning my romantic orientation, but probably somewhere on the aromantic spectrum.

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Funnily enough, a youtuber i watch posted this just today and I thought it was really interesting and well, even if not all of us are sure about identifying as aro, it's great to get representation out there! :) 

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, Char-lotte99 said:

Your post makes so much sense to me, I totally understand what you mean. I don't know my romantic orientation and reading this/all the comments really helps. I feel like I can't identify as aromantic because I do want a romantic realtionship, but I don't know how to identify myself if I'm not aro. I have only once maybe had feeling for someone (I'm not sure if I'm actually in love with him or just the idea of having a relationship with him/wanting to be his friend). I don't feel comfortable identifing as straight-/gay-/bi-/panromantic because I have never had any romantic feelings for someone, but I do want a romantic relationship with someone so aromantic doesn't seem to fit me either. Now I mostly say I'm questioning my romantic orientation, but probably somewhere on the aromantic spectrum.

I totally get that! I feel like I'd maybe like one and I was confused for soo long about being a sort of romantic, but I'm pretty sure aromantic fits me quite well. I'm not sure I actually like the concept of a relationship

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Most of what I've read here sounds like being in love with the idea of "love," as in idealistic, fantasy romances, not the real kind of romance and love that plays out in real life.  The idealistic mush we see in movies, tv, music, books, etc is purely a form of entertainment, not a genuine representation of life experiences.  So I don't think y'all should rule out falling in love (realistically) yourselves someday if you only cringe at playing out the fantasy mush you see in the media.

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RottenInDenmark
On 11/2/2018 at 10:00 PM, Samby said:

Funnily enough, a youtuber i watch posted this just today and I thought it was really interesting and well, even if not all of us are sure about identifying as aro, it's great to get representation out there! :) 

That video! instant favorite !

hit the words just right--  

Billedresultat for when the sun hit just right

 

- looking forward to a non-hetero-normative valentines day <3 

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11 minutes ago, karo32 said:

- looking forward to a non-hetero-normative valentines day <3 

That picture, I love it XD  Gotta love Emperor's New Groove.

 

And I'm very much looking forward to the discounted valentines chocolate that I will be able to eat all by myself XD 

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RottenInDenmark
14 minutes ago, Samby said:

And I'm very much looking forward to the discounted valentines chocolate that I will be able to eat all by myself XD

Heck yasss !!!  gonna me some chocolate too ;D 

 

Happy Valentine too you <3

http://nostalgiacloud.tumblr.com/post/111127254221/on-love-a-valentines-day-introspective-thing

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13 hours ago, karo32 said:

Heck yasss !!!  gonna me some chocolate too ;D 

 

Happy Valentine too you <3

http://nostalgiacloud.tumblr.com/post/111127254221/on-love-a-valentines-day-introspective-thing

I love that comic!!

And yaaaaas, I literally cannot wait for tomorrow, gonna hit up all the card shops they'll have discounted stuff! I am ridiculously excited😂

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I have no idea where I am romantically.  I want to be in a relationship.  I have met people in the past where I thought that I want to be in a romantic relationship with them after getting to know them.  But nothing ever happens.  Is it me? Am I aromantic? Have I been somehow signaling that there is nothing here? 

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