Jump to content

Lithromantic or just loving my freedom?


SallyBlackwater

Recommended Posts

SallyBlackwater

I've always thought that I was a romantic ace, since in my life I've had a few crushes (celebrity crushes and crushes on people in my everyday life). They have never been requited, and apart from a few days of "oh, that's a shame" I've always been fine with that. These last few weeks I met a guy, and I kinda liked him. The thing is, as soon as I sensed some interest from him, the thought of being in a relationship with him sent me into a panic. What I felt definitely wasn't nervousness over how much I liked him, it was nervousness due to thinking about the consequences of being in a relationship with this person. I felt nauseous with nervousness for a weekend, and there definitely was no happiness in how I felt. I've realized that together with him I would have felt like in a cage, plus he probably would have expected sex from me and of course thinking about that stressed me even more. I calmed down only by thinking that I don't HAVE TO date him and I could still spend time with him as friends.

 

Now, all this stuff got me thinking. I've read about lithromanticism and it seems like it would fit me, but at the same time I wonder if I just got used to the freedom of being single (and a huge introvert), and I don't want to change my situation. What do you think about it? 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi SallyBlackwater

 

You sound like me! I can totally relate. When it comes to dealing with feelings, I can't tell if it's the fear of not being single anymore or if it's a turn off when I get my warm fuzzy feeling reciprocated.

 

You know you don't have to date this person right? The control is in your hands. Maybe just hang out and build a solid friendship first. If you feel intimidated by his feelings, don't push yourself to do anything you're uncomfortable, i.e. dive into the deep end of a relationship. Whilst being "friends" (may don't fully friend-zone him quite yet), talk openly about your feeling about relationships in general. Maybe chat about the last relationship you were in or he was in, have a bit of banter and test the waters before rushing into anything.

 

I great relationship is built on friendship, honesty, communication and laughs. Perhaps tick these off before proceeding if you truly are doubting yourself.

 

Best of luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I identify as aromantic, but I think it's easy to romanticize being in a relationship (pun intended). Having that emotional support, someone you can rely on and enjoy activities with, someone you can see a future together with - all sounds great. I've been happy in relationships before, but right now I'm perfectly happy being single, and it'd take an exceptional person for me to consider changing that - and that's someone I'm not putting any effort into finding. That decision is separate in my mind from how I identify. 

 

How you define yourself is solely up to you, but it seems to me that lithromantic may be a label that would suit your situation if you want to use it. 

 

Good luck, I hope any of that helps!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace

From what I understand, lithromanticism requires a romantic relationship to form before the repulsion really kicks in. That is, just sensing his interest and being repulsed by that idea, is closer to aromanticism. If you were to start dating and feel repulsed once romantic activities such as kissing began, then that would be closer to lithromanticism.

 

Let's put this another way. Would you get involved in a one-sided romantic relationship with someone if you knew they wouldn't have romantic feelings back? If so, that's lithromanticism. If you wouldn't be comfortable with that, that's aromanticism. (Note that platonic relationships do not figure into this. That has no bearing on one's romantic orientation)

 

However, it gets more complicated (it always does) if you do feel crushes. Aromantics don't feel crushes... ever (some disagree, but that's my own firm stance). In the above case, if you wouldn't jump into that relationship and yet you feel crushes, you would be grey-romantic (like me). The less crushes you feel, the closer you are to aromantic, but never fully aromantic.

 

I hope that helps!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...