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Greyromantic in Relationships?


Starfiery

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     Hi everyone! I hope this is the right section for this but...

 

     I identify as demiromantic and I recently have found out that the person I like also likes me. We have developed a strong emotional connection but have been friends for much longer.

 

     I am a little afraid however, because I feel like I do not get very strong crushes and I am fairly certain that he has fallen deeper in than I have (he is okay with this, however). I do not crush really at all and am generally disinterested in relationships until... Now. I have never dated before and we plan on moving to whatever pace I need but... this is terrifying. :wacko:

 

     Well, here are my questions: How do you feel when you end up dating someone? Am I all alone in my fear on this one? Do you have any advice in this? What are your experiences?

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Hi Starfiery

 

To be completely honest, I have never dated anyone before but I'm sure your nerves are quite normal. Is your friend aware of your demi-ace orientation? I think it would be really important to communicate and clarify your feelings from the starting point. If your soon-to-be relationship is based on a stable friendship you have built a lot more trust in each other than people who dive straight into the deep end, e.g. online dating users.

 

Personally, I know that I run for the hills the moment a person confesses their feelings for me (if that EVER happens), but if it was with a person I trusted I would have a crack at the experience.

 

Best of luck!

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@Gldlynch

 

Thank you!

 

Yes, he knows and we had a stable friendship. I usually also run for the hills, whether or not I know them. I am thankful to know I am not the only person who does that.

 

So communication is key. I will keep that in mind. Again, thank you for your advice.

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It's a rollercoaster for me. I'm a very dark grey-aromantic person in a relationship and I struggle a lot. For most of the time, I question as to why I'm in that relationship and my mind is wired to "I'd be better off alone", yet there's moments when I need a hug or to feel loved. I'm slow with romance and whatnot, but my partner is aware of everything. What bonds us together is mutual understanding, acceptance and old (but gold) sincere communication.

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This feels super relatable to me! I don't really identify as demiromantic but I've found that my experiences tend to align with those of other people who do identify as demi here... I also developed a strong emotional connection to one of my long time friends who it turned out also liked me back and I also felt absolutely terrified about dating her when this all came out, but at the same time I didn't really want to shut her down completely because I did have some undefined feelings for her and wanted to be special to her :T

 

We talked about it and her opinion was that we should give it a try just to see how it worked out, and her optimism that we could work it out gave me courage to like... give it a shot, even though I wasn't sure that our feelings for each other really matched.

 

While I think her optimism was kind of misplaced (imo there's no such thing as love finding a way to solve couples' interpersonal problems or imbalances, especially since my grasp of love or romance is tenuous at best), i also think relationships of any kind are a commitment and even if you don't feel romance comes naturally to you at all or that your feelings don't entirely match, if you just express how much your partner means to you it tends to work in terms of showing the strength of your commitment - which is romantic in itself.

 

Think about how you show your affection and how your partner shows his affection and try to remember those things and keep them in mind.... you're both different and complex people;; patience and communication are the most important things to make a relationship work -- especially if it's mixed orientation...

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