helana12_03 Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 I'm just curious to see how many of us have faced discrimination. Feel free to comment and provide additional information. Edit: by discrimination I'm also referring to things like misdiagnosis. For example, one time a doctor misdiagnosed me with depression and wanted to put me on medication because I told him I wasn't interested in sex. I've also had horrible experiences with therapists who labeled me with all sorts of things and treated me like a subhuman because of my asexuality. Telling them I'm aromantic made things worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Zatarra Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 This is certainly a problem in my current clinical placement. I am in the acute care unit and there is a lot of 'gossip' - basically one big rumor mill. Also most as in 99% of my co-workers are married or in relationships and they go on and on and on about that. I really dont have anything to contribute which they perceive as me being closed off or not 'opening up'. The thing is I am quiet yet professional and respectful/courteous -so I would think that should be enough?! No...its like there is this expectation that you have to be best buddies with your colleges and share all your personal details with everyone. Also the fact that as a MALE and ARO-ACE I must stick out as quite the oddball seeing that all my other male colleges are 'married family men'. They frequently bring up their wives/kids in conversations with each other and patients and that does seem to put patients at ease. I certainly dont fit the mould of the other males in my profession. I am concerned that my co-workers or patients might come to their own conclusions as to what is wrong with me or think of me as some weirdo/repressed creep. Funny enough I have worked in other settings: labs/pharmacies and while we would have polite conversations (weather, travels, etc) it was never such high level gossip and everyone one in each other's business. I really wish I had made the grades (that darned CHEMISTRY class that I couldn't get past for the PCAT) been able to go into something more quiet and serious like Pharmacy or Medical Lab Science. this has been a very nerve wrecking experience and I leave my 10 hour shifts with massive headaches and I start getting knots in my stomach the night before work. Thankfully I have only been there 3 weeks out of a 12 week clinical and they have yet to try and pry into my personal life. I am dreading when they start to pry. I had these red flags in my mind back when I was still a student in the OT program...I just foolishly ignored them. Now I am really considering paying off my debt (its quite a LARGE amount) and going back to college for something more in line with my quiet/serious nature where being Aro-Ace is not a liability. Link to post Share on other sites
Verb Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 No. It's difficult for people to discriminate against something they know nothing about. So maybe that's a bit of a false negative. Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 No, as only 2 people (not members of AVEN) know Over the years friends have commented on my "dry" spell and asked how long it has been etc. But to be discriminated against would firstly involve telling people, and then for them to treat me differently to others because of it. I don't feel the need to tell everybody, so they wouldn't get the chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Yeast Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 9 minutes ago, Verbosoul said: It's difficult for people to discriminate against something they know nothing about. So maybe that's a bit of a false negative. Good point. If I've faced any discrimination it has been with heterosexual women. I tried to date them until they found out I was asexual and then they completely lost interest in me. I thought the LGBT community might shun me but I was pleased to see they accepted my sexual orientation. I've even found an asexual meetup here in the city. Overall I've found more acceptance than non-acceptance. It all seems to depend on the sorts of people one associates with, especially for persons like me. Link to post Share on other sites
Nebulous Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 I haven't been socially discriminated against. However, when I was seeing a psychiatrist a few years ago for an anxiety/depression diagnosis, I had to fill in a questionnaire and the way some of the questions were worded, well... They didn't acknowledge asexuality at all. Things like libido, for instance - it assumed a higher libido was the default and anything less was an anomaly caused by mental illness. The complete absence of a libido meant you scored a 4 out of 4, and at the end of the test, the higher your score, the more likely you are to have depression/anxiety. It felt rather archaic. Link to post Share on other sites
NisforNeville Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 its not exactly discrimination, more that people have certain negative connotations surrounding my lifestyle. I think people just sign me off as weird or a hermit and push me out of their heads because they couldn't understand if they tried. And most of the time people will say offensive things because they're completely unaware of asexuality/aromanticism. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 No. If someone thinks you're weird because you don't want sex, that's not asexual discrimination. People think other people are weird for all sorts of reasons. Discrimination means actions: you're refused a job or fired from a job, you're refused a rental, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
girlwiththelongskirt Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 No, but I haven't come out to many people. I've told two friends but it's not a secret or anything like that. At the same time didn't I tell my GP about my sexuality because I didn't think she would understand/believe me (I had a talk with her because I do suffer from depression and anxiety and I'm trying to see a psychologist). So I've never experienced discrimination, but that's partly because not a lot of people know about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spotastic Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 No, because I see discrimination the same way @Sally does. Have I been made fun of because I didn't have nor care for a girlfriend? Yes. I've also been put into that weird oddball group, but I'm ok with that. I AM a weird oddball. The macho air in the military was especially bad talking about their 'latest conquests', but I just stayed out of the conversations. I care little about what other people think of me. Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted February 10, 2018 Author Share Posted February 10, 2018 10 hours ago, Sally said: No. If someone thinks you're weird because you don't want sex, that's not asexual discrimination. People think other people are weird for all sorts of reasons. Discrimination means actions: you're refused a job or fired from a job, you're refused a rental, etc. How about being misdiagnosed with a medical or a mental condition because you're asexual? What about being emotionally abused by your therapist? Those are actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 5 hours ago, helana12_03 said: How about being misdiagnosed with a medical or a mental condition because you're asexual? What about being emotionally abused by your therapist? Those are actions. Nope. You can ignore that diagnosis and change therapists. Those are someone else's opinions, not really actions. Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted February 11, 2018 Author Share Posted February 11, 2018 4 hours ago, Sally said: Nope. You can ignore that diagnosis and change therapists. Those are someone else's opinions, not really actions. I take it you don't consider conversion therapy discrimination either Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 2 hours ago, helana12_03 said: I take it you don't consider conversion therapy discrimination either Conversion therapy is very different from a therapist expressing an opinion -- I don't know why you would compare them. But I don't think you understand what discrimination is. Parents forcing their child to go through conversion therapy is cruelty. But conversion therapy is actually bought -- it costs money, it's sold to people. No one is forced to buy it. Discrimination is when you are not able to have something that others have, because of who you are. Again, that means a job, a place to live, that kind of thing. Things can be unpleasant, or bad, or cruel, with being actual discrimination. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 On 10.2.2018 at 12:56 AM, Yeast said: If I've faced any discrimination it has been with heterosexual women. I tried to date them until they found out I was asexual and then they completely lost interest in me. Isn't that just personal preference of these women? They want sex to be a part of their lives, so they don't enter relationships with people they won't have that with. Sounds reasonable to me. "Dating" someone in particular isn't an equal right for everyone. Otherwise nobody would ever be allowed to turn anyone down, regardless of age, gender, orientation or any other factor you could think of. It appears that you prefer to date women. Now if a 72yo male showed interest in you and you turned him down, would that be discrimination? There's a huge difference between "I don't want to date you because you don't want to have sex" and "You won't get this job/house/... because you don't want to have sex." Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 Things like "I wont serve you, hire you, help you because you are Asexual/Gay/Disabled" is dicrimination I am very much against all types of discrimination even what people call positive discrimination. I used to work for a major blue chip company that was critisised for having fewer female managers than male, Instead of the company making sure there were no barriers for females to get promoted etc. They discriminated against every male employee and instead of promoting the best person for the job, they only promoted women until the male/female split between managers was closed. There were a lot of people promoted that were not good managers. This was a bad policy done to create a good impression in the press. What they should of done was make sure there were no normal barriers to entry, as the work force was approx 50/50 split eventually the balance between male and female managers would have fixed itself, but would have taken longer. Appologies for the slightly off track rant Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 On 2/11/2018 at 2:27 AM, Sally said: Conversion therapy is very different from a therapist expressing an opinion -- I don't know why you would compare them. But I don't think you understand what discrimination is. Parents forcing their child to go through conversion therapy is cruelty. But conversion therapy is actually bought -- it costs money, it's sold to people. No one is forced to buy it. Discrimination is when you are not able to have something that others have, because of who you are. Again, that means a job, a place to live, that kind of thing. Things can be unpleasant, or bad, or cruel, with being actual discrimination. My therapist at the time tried to convince my parents to send me to conversion therapy of sorts. That's why I compare them. I'm sure this happens a lot when therapists "only" express their opinions. Her views went to my PCP (and GI) and I was refused proper medical treatment for a while, largely because of this. It took me a while to realize that changing doctors was the only way to fix this but by then I was so sick I could barely walk. It was bad. Really bad. Therapists have a lot of power (at least in the US) and their extreme views can strip people of their basic rights in certain cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 1 hour ago, helana12_03 said: My therapist at the time tried to convince my parents to send me to conversion therapy of sorts. That's why I compare them. I'm sure this happens a lot when therapists "only" express their opinions. Her views went to my PCP (and GI) and I was refused proper medical treatment for a while, largely because of this. It took me a while to realize that changing doctors was the only way to fix this but by then I was so sick I could barely walk. It was bad. Really bad. Therapists have a lot of power (at least in the US) and their extreme views can strip people of their basic rights in certain cases. Therapists only have power if other medical people listen to them, and they certainly shouldn't have. I'm sorry all that happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 On 9.02.2018 at 11:38 PM, helana12_03 said: I'm just curious to see how many of us have faced discrimination. Feel free to comment and provide additional information. Edit: by discrimination I'm also referring to things like misdiagnosis. For example, one time a doctor misdiagnosed me with depression and wanted to put me on medication because I told him I wasn't interested in sex. I've also had horrible experiences with therapists who labeled me with all sorts of things and treated me like a subhuman because of my asexuality. Telling them I'm aromantic made things worse. In my opinion the problem of anti-ace discrimination and bigotry does exist. However, wouldn't the word "prejudice" sound better? I mean, in most cases anti-ace prejudice is relatively mild. Outright violence is possible, but very rare, unlike homophobic violence. I distrust studies which try to prove discrimination of asexuals based on whether someone would be prone to denying an asexual person a job or housing. While I own my apartment, so have little experience with the subject, I believe most landlords / landladies just aren't interested about their tenants' private lives and would consider asking about such things simply impolite. And yet, anti-ace discrimination / prejudice / bigotry exists, first of all on a verbal level - as mocking, invalidation, purposeless acts of (usually micro-)aggression based on just the simple fact of knowing someone to be asexual. The idea of being denied housing you had selected because of your asexuality is theoretical and, IMHO, not very likely. And yet experience of asexual people shows that discrimination and prejudice does exist, but researchers often fail to acknowledge it fully because they feel like their studies have to use some "formal indices" of discrimination to be perceived as scientific enough... Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 No one knows my sexuality. Like... very very few people have a clue. The rest are left to their assumptions, which could be anything. I can’t say I know anyone that cares. I’m not asexual but I did think I was for many years. So my mom and best friends are all under the impression I am to some extent. Some have been suspecting I’m not, I think. But it’s never come up. They’re all incredibly supportive no matter what, which is nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Never. I can't really think of a situation where you would either Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 There is very little evidence of anyone who has actually suffered adverse impact (i.e. denied an opportunity, like employment or a rental offer) because of their asexual orientation. I've read the odd anecdotal case online, although in those cases I kind of suspect that the real issue was the complainant's lack of social skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 The only way anyone would know you're asexual is if you tell them. Actual discrimination comes when something is visible: physical handicaps, color of skin, religious practices (Jewish skullcap, Muslim dress), or in the case of homosexuality, obvious relationship with person of same sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Shihara Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 I know that the South Australian laws surrounding surrogacy can have the effect of discriminating asexual women (sex-averse aces). It's not direct discrimination but rather it indirectly affects sex-repulsed asexuals, amongst others such as sexual women who do not want to have sex due to past trauma or being a celibate etc. For me personally, I haven't experienced discrimination. I did think the assisted reproductive treatment (ART) eligibility criteria were unclear so I called up the Victorian ART organisation to clarify whether asexuals were eligible (because technically they were included but perhaps in practice they weren't), and the CEO confirmed we're eligible, so all good. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 5 hours ago, Shihara said: I know that the South Australian laws surrounding surrogacy can have the effect of discriminating asexual women (sex-averse aces). It's not direct discrimination but rather it indirectly affects sex-repulsed asexuals, amongst others such as sexual women who do not want to have sex due to past trauma or being a celibate etc. That's not in any way discrimination. Surrogacy is a choice, not a life necessity that you're being refused. Link to post Share on other sites
Shihara Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 28 minutes ago, Sally said: That's not in any way discrimination. Surrogacy is a choice, not a life necessity that you're being refused. First of all, discrimination is defined as "unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people". I don't see anything about being denied a life necessity. Second of all, I never said it was discrimination, I literally said it "can have the effect" of discriminating asexuals (amongst others). I deliberately underlined that bc I knew someone like you would come along. There's a difference between being discriminated and having the effect of being discriminated.. the latter does not involve any discrimination. It refers to the feeling of being treated unfairly, and well, the laws surrounding surrogacy in that state are unfair. In fact, other states in Australia have already gone through reform. South Australia is just behind Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted April 26, 2018 Share Posted April 26, 2018 I believe that discrimination against asexuals is a tricky topic which deserves more subtle analysis. It is best asked about in separate questions, such as whether a person had experienced different things such as discrimination sensu stricto, misdiagnosis, bullying, verbal harassment... I completely don't trust measures of discrimination such as "whether the person asked would be reluctant to rent an apartment to a person who is X" - first, I doubt if landlords and landladies actually want to know whether the person who wants to rent an apartment is asexual, or gay, or trans, or HIV-positive, or chronically ill, or whatever. (But my perspective may be distorted by the fact that my apartment is my property, it was bought by my parents years ago and when I was 19 years old, the ownership was transferred to me.) So, second, I also think that this kind of discrimination against asexuals is quite uncommon. But it doesn't mean that asexuals don't suffer from discrimination! Asexuals are much more likely to experience more "subtle" forms of discrimination - but it still is discrimination, because it equals a failure to treat a person in a just way. Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted March 3, 2019 Share Posted March 3, 2019 @helana12_03 This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organisation, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to restart new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them. iff, Census Forum Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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