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Aromantic, but not Asexual?


ally31098

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I have been thinking about what my sexuality would be for around a year now, practically since just before my first pride parade. My current standpoint is that I am probably aromantic, or at least very deeply grayromantic.

I have never ever had a crush in my entire life, but always kind of assumed I’ hetero (I’ a girl) and when the opportunity to start a relationship with a boy arose, it just seemed very weird to me. At the time I rejected him after we kissed and I didn’t really know what I felt, and if I felt anything romantic at all. I just could not imagine being in a relationship. That was in 10th grade, so I was 15 I think. I thought that maybe I was just not ready yet, now I think it might be something different.

It’s not like I hate(d) the thought of being in a relationship. The whole thing does seem like, you know, a nice idea. Although, I only contemplated starting a relationship because he obviously had romantic intentions toward me. And when I rejected him he turned hysterical, which I honestly found a little ridiculous... How could he have developed such feelings in such a short time of knowing each other better. But even now that I think I’m probably aro, I kind of want a relationship (though a queerplatonic relationship sounds the most “appealing” to me).

Another reason why I’m confused is that I don’t think I’m really asexual. I have seen a lot of aroace posts, but practically none about being aro but not ace. Actually what I think I would call myself is aromantic (gray-?)pansexual. But I’m not too sure about that either, since I’m never sure of what I’m feeling. I don’t really mind the gender, I could imagine having a partner(?) of any gender as long as they’re a “good person” and we would have fun spending time together.

 

I do kind of want to kiss (even if the first time wasn’t that great) and I do want to have sex someday, although I have never met a specific person I would actively pursue any of that with.

Does that make any sense?

Do I just have commitment issues?

What can I call myself?

Am I even aro? Or doesn’t that make sense if I still kind of want a relationship?

 

I have also found that the term WTFromantic seems to somehow fit.

Does one exclude the other?

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Hi, I'm a sexual aromantic (gay) person. What you're describing sounds pretty in line with my own experiences. A QPR sounds ideal for me as well, though I'm thinking I might be able to put up with a romantic relationship if my partner isn't too heavy on the romance.

 

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I do kind of want to kiss (even if the first time wasn’t that great) and I do want to have sex someday, although I have never met a specific person I would actively pursue any of that with.

This makes complete sense to me, I feel exactly the same way.

 

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Does that make any sense?

Do I just have commitment issues?

Again, everything you said makes absolute sense to me because I feel the same in almost every sense. You do not have commitment issues. A lot of people take issue with aromantic sexual people, but we're not wrong. We're not sick, we don't have issues, it's just how we are.

 

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What can I call myself?

Am I even aro? Or doesn’t that make sense if I still kind of want a relationship?

An aromantic sexual person, exactly as you said! Perhaps you will find a better label for yourself, but what you've speculated seems like a great fit to me. And you can of course want a relationship and still be aromantic! As I mentioned before, I personally would prefer a QPR for example. Asexual people can be in sexual relationships for various reasons, and the same with aromantic people and romantic relationships. Clearly aromantic people do not desire the romantic aspect of a relationship. But, personally, I desire the platonic and sexual aspects. I would love to have a life partner, but I strongly feel as though I would not be able to express my love romantically, nor to I desire to receive romantic affections in return. It doesn't mean that I can't love anyone any less than a romantic person. I mean, would a romantic person love their mother any less than their romantic partner? They clearly wouldn't feel romantic attraction to their mother, but it obviously doesn't make that love any less powerful!

 

I can't comment much on the WTFromantic because I'm not familiar with it.

 

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  • 10 months later...

I believe WTFromantic people cannot tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction.  Correct me if i'm wrong.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Asexual_Goddess
On 12/12/2018 at 2:02 PM, alto said:

I believe WTFromantic people cannot tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction.  Correct me if i'm wrong.

Yes! It’s also known as quoiromantic (kwa-romantic)

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