CalHobbes Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 11 hours ago, Ripper said: Who knows. Maybe they’re so miserable and teetering with suicide that they’re just doing it to get a smile out of someone to help them feel just a hair better, maybe you’re just the one they picked out.. u never know. Just thought of that now, but I definitely understand the discomfort and wtf feelings.. And for all they know they’re expecting a smile from someone who’s had trauma or has been recently harassed or anxiety. It goes both ways. I live in a big city so I experience harassment regularly on the street by strangers and I can tell you it puts me in a defensive and sensitive mood for any other attention like a compliment. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dentedcanoe Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Compliments from men make me feel vaguely threatened, like there's always an ulterior motive. However a female coworker told me I looked sexy a couple days ago which actually made me feel great, since I've been successfully dieting/working out since the beginning of the year and it's nice that someone noticed my progress. I would have preferred a word other than sexy, but I know that that's just her word she equates with "lookin good today!" and not because she actually thinks of me that way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 15, 2018 Author Share Posted February 15, 2018 1 hour ago, dentedcanoe said: like there's always an ulterior motive I disagree.. it’s super rare from me but I have, while in a very good mood, given females I didn’t know compliments, and all I wanted to do was make someone feel good. Or express that I really liked their hair..u can’t say all men are the same cause we’re not! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 15, 2018 Author Share Posted February 15, 2018 1 hour ago, CalHobbes said: And for all they know they’re expecting a smile from someone who’s had trauma or has been recently harassed or anxiety I’ve experienced highly uncomfortable situations too, and some sexual abuse. I HATE being complimented on my appearance by anyone. But idk, I feel like most people just want to help people feel good cause it’ll help them feel good.. yet I still despise compliments about my looks.. it does make me think they’re trying to picture me having sex with them or something. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CalHobbes Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Oh, the type of compliment definitely makes a difference. Hair is a good way to go! I can’t think of a hair compliment I wouldn’t accept (unless it got creepy in like a Hannibal Lector kind of way ). It’s less comfortable when you get to body parts like legs, butts...and boobs of course. I don’t know what the equivalent is for men. I’ve also enjoyed compliments about coats I’ve worn! That makes me feel good because I usually like what I’m wearing and isn’t too close to my body. “Beautiful” is a positive word but I’ve had such negative experiences with strangers who use it, who say “hey beautiful” or “you’re beautiful, let me get to know you,” and proceed to try and grab some part of me. Yes, many people, maybe even the majority give compliments woth good intentions but I think it’s a good rule of thumb to be aware and consider the POV of anyone you interact with. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 15, 2018 Author Share Posted February 15, 2018 6 minutes ago, CalHobbes said: POV What’s that mean?? I once said to a complete stranger girl,”hey beautiful” as I passed by her.. I was high tho, and didn’t try to stop her and converse or touch her in anyway..she just smiled at me. This is a while ago when I was younger, like prolly 5 years ago. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CalHobbes Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Aha, sorry it was an unnecessary acronym. POV is Point of view Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dentedcanoe Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 4 hours ago, Ripper said: What’s that mean?? I once said to a complete stranger girl,”hey beautiful” as I passed by her.. I was high tho, and didn’t try to stop her and converse or touch her in anyway..she just smiled at me. This is a while ago when I was younger, like prolly 5 years ago. I hate when dudes Hey Beautiful me, it's creepy Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 15, 2018 Author Share Posted February 15, 2018 14 minutes ago, dentedcanoe said: I hate when dudes Hey Beautiful me, it's creepy It’s probably creepy for asexuals and not sexual ppl.. like I’m sure she was, I hope. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stheg Posted February 15, 2018 Share Posted February 15, 2018 Yes, but I attribute it to my growing up background that focused obsessively on clothing and appearance. I've improved somewhat, but I still have my moments where I need validation that how I look in an outfit is acceptable. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Entmoot Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 3 hours ago, Ripper said: It’s probably creepy for asexuals and not sexual ppl.. like I’m sure she was, I hope. Well, I'm probably in the former category, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and presume to speak for most women (regardless of orientation) and say that it is always creepy for a stranger to say that to a woman. Even if she smiled, she might have been freaked out on the inside and the smile was the only reaction she could manage in the moment. And even if you feel in the minority when it comes to your own identity, maybe take a cue from how you would feel if someone on the street did this to you. From your previous posts I would think you wouldn't like it. This isn't just an asexual attitude. Many women have spoken out against this type of behavior. It doesn't matter what your intention is, because how could a stranger know what's in your head? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 23 minutes ago, Entmoot said: Well, I'm probably in the former category, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and presume to speak for most women (regardless of orientation) and say that it is always creepy for a stranger to say that to a woman. Even if she smiled, she might have been freaked out on the inside and the smile was the only reaction she could manage in the moment. And even if you feel in the minority when it comes to your own identity, maybe take a cue from how you would feel if someone on the street did this to you. From your previous posts I would think you wouldn't like it. This isn't just an asexual attitude. Many women have spoken out against this type of behavior. It doesn't matter what your intention is, because how could a stranger know what's in your head? Well sorrrrryyyyy Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 I’m sure she’s forgotten about it by now as it was like a few years ago, I just happen to have a stellar memory. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dentedcanoe Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 3 hours ago, Ripper said: It’s probably creepy for asexuals and not sexual ppl.. like I’m sure she was, I hope. Most women find it creepy, because it almost never stops there. I'm required to engage, whether or not I'm in the mood to talk strangers on that particular day. I've had dudes get in my face and repeat themselves until I responded to their compliment if I tried to ignore them. Last summer a dude followed me around a convenience store swearing at me and calling me an ugly bitch because I gave his Hey Beautiful a confused look. Not giving a man's compliment the response he's looking for (and it's not always sex, sometimes it's just attention, but guess what, you're not entitled to either) is a form of rejection, and women are literally murdered for rejecting men every. single. day. So like the saying goes- it's best not to say anything to a lady you don't know that you wouldn't want the biggest, scariest dude in prison saying to you. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Entmoot Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Just now, Ripper said: I’m sure she’s forgotten about it by now as it was like a few years ago, I just happen to have a stellar memory. Maybe she has. Probably because it's happened to her several times. Doesn't make it less creepy to do it. I don't enjoy scolding someone on the internet, but I felt this was an opportunity to let someone know how it feels to be on the receiving end of what you think is innocuous but really isn't. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 1 hour ago, dentedcanoe said: Convenience store swearing at me and calling me an ugly bitch Haha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 1 hour ago, Ripper said: From your previous posts I would think you wouldn't like it. This creeps me out, why are u reading all my posts u creep! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 1 hour ago, Entmoot said: Maybe she has. Probably because it's happened to her several times. Doesn't make it less creepy to do it. I don't enjoy scolding someone on the internet, but I felt this was an opportunity to let someone know how it feels to be on the receiving end of what you think is innocuous but really isn't. Whatever I’ll just ignore females forever since over 90% of y’all suck anyways Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dentedcanoe Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 6 hours ago, Ripper said: Haha grow up dude 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 5 hours ago, dentedcanoe said: grow up dude Don’t tell me what to do.. shut up and stay that way! shouldnt of tried to stir things up with me, I ain’t the one. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 @Zatarra I think you described my look perfectly 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ytterbium Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 On 8. 2. 2018 at 2:16 PM, Ripper said: I am 27 and I can remember all this really manifesting around age 15 or 16.. me feeling very uncomfortable and even upset anytime someone complimented my looks in any way or gave me a look like they thought I was attractive. I’ve never wanted to be considered “good looking” only average at best. I'm 17, and this is extremely relatable for me. People sometimes tell me: "do this, do that, or else girls won't find you attractive...". Yeah, but I don't want to be a chick magnet, I want people to like me for what's inside me. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ripper Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 15 hours ago, Ytterbium said: I'm 17, and this is extremely relatable for me. People sometimes tell me: "do this, do that, or else girls won't find you attractive...". Yeah, but I don't want to be a chick magnet, I want people to like me for what's inside me. Right?! Nail on the head my friend! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Memphis Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I'm insecure about my looks, but that's just because I look bad in all my pictures and look a lot like a relative whom I never want to see again. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 I haven't wanted any attention for my appearance because of how creepy people can be. I let my physical appearance go and stopped putting any effort into it. I didn't even own a hair brush because I just didn't care that my hair was messy. Once I hit 18, I started getting pimples but I never bothered to do anything about them. But people can still be creepy even if you are at your worst and it doesn't feel good to not be meeting your potential, so I'm working on my appearance. I'd rather be happier and more confident than continue to live as I have been. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SparrowFliesSouthForWinter Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 On 08/02/2018 at 1:16 PM, Ripper said: I am 27 and I can remember all this really manifesting around age 15 or 16.. me feeling very uncomfortable and even upset anytime someone complimented my looks in any way or gave me a look like they thought I was attractive. I’ve never wanted to be considered “good looking” only average at best. I get this, in both the same way and the opposite. I'm pretty insecure about my looks, but more in terms of looking 'pretty'. Up until last year I couldn't really care less about how I looked but recently I've been wanting to look really nice, and aside from my insecurities about my appearance and comparing myself to others, I've been enjoying it. My problem comes in when I realise that my idea of 'pretty' is just aesthetic appreciation, and everyone else's idea of 'attractive'. Even though I've been aware of my asexuality for 3 years now, the fact that most of society actually experiences sexual attraction has only actually sunk in over the past few months, and it makes me so uncomfortable whenever I think about it, especially in relation to myself. When I wear short skirts and crop tops, I do it because it makes me feel good about myself and because I appreciate the aesthetics, and up until recently I though that's how everyone else felt. In a way I guess I want people to internally acknowledge that I look pretty, and if a girl complimented me on my appearance I would be happy (not guys, though, for some reason I'd feel extremely uncomfortable if a guy was to do that). But I now realise that people actually might see it as sexual, and as someone who hates being associated with anything remotely sexual that realisation has kind of messed me up a bit. I still dress how I want to dress (not around people I know, though I was never comfortable with that anyway) because it's easy to pretend that everyone sees it the same way. I feel like it'll be harder to pretend once I get to uni, and people might start giving me looks or hitting on me (though to be fair I'm not the nicest to look at), which will not be fun, but for now I guess it works Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 11 hours ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said: I haven't wanted any attention for my appearance because of how creepy people can be. I let my physical appearance go and stopped putting any effort into it. I didn't even own a hair brush because I just didn't care that my hair was messy. Once I hit 18, I started getting pimples but I never bothered to do anything about them. But people can still be creepy even if you are at your worst and it doesn't feel good to not be meeting your potential, so I'm working on my appearance. I'd rather be happier and more confident than continue to live as I have been. Haha I wish I could get away with this... but I have a very forceful mother who doesn't let me leave the house without putting makeup over my acne and having my hair brushed and parted perfectly :/ "I'm just trying to protect you from judgemental people" she says "You're pretty judgemental yourself" With the creepy flirty people, I can repulse them pretty fast by turning off the "socially acceptable" and "nice" filters in my brain and saying a bunch of weird nonsense, savage comebacks, and stupid ideas. One guy "You have strong muscular arms gurl, you must be a good athlete!" "I'm good at punching annoying people like you too!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 I wouldn't use the word "insecure," but I really dislike the word "pretty" because it seems shallow. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 On 2/22/2018 at 8:22 AM, Ytterbium said: I want people to like me for what's inside me. Same. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vicky Angel Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 Yea *sigh* Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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