Any aces insecure about their looks?

[Ripper]

I am 27 and I can remember all this really manifesting around age 15 or 16.. me feeling very uncomfortable and even upset anytime someone complimented my looks in any way or gave me a look like they thought I was attractive. I’ve never wanted to be considered “good looking” only average at best.

[confused lil bee]

I mean... kinda but the opposite; probably the typical female socialisation thing but I've always been really self conscious unless someone compliments me. In my mind -compliment=you look average at best and nothing said means damn you look f*ck ugly today

 

On another wavelength, I don't like being considered sexually attractive because I don't think of people like that so it's like a slap to the face and is extremely uncomfortable... perhaps this comes from a similar place? 

 

Who knows really haha

[Ripper]

I mean me personally, I can think someone is sexually attractive yet not want to have any type of sex with them deep down. I’ll say “yah I’d do her” just to fit in with the guys but really I don’t wanna. I feel bad saying that too. I just definitely don’t want anyone to think of me as sexually attractive, yet I want a girl I find attractive based on her looks and more importantly her personality to want me romantically..idk I’m weird, I feel like I do fit under the asexual umbrella some type of way.

[Gldlynch]

This may not exactly be an asexual trait, but to a degree I can understand this.

 

I really dislike it when people try to compliment me as "sexy." Even though they mean it on good terms, nothing about that word flatters me.

*TMI warning* One time my cousin told me that she was envious of my breasts. She told me that I had a pair of knockout knockers and it would help me attract people. Many others in the room cheered about it, but I felt extreme discomfort because I didn't want to be treated as something attractive or "sexy." It makes me feel at unease when people try to compliment me on my looks, much like you, I'm satisfied with just being average (:

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Ripper said:

I am 27 and I can remember all this really manifesting around age 15 or 16.. me feeling very uncomfortable and even upset anytime someone complimented my looks in any way or gave me a look like they thought I was attractive. I’ve never wanted to be considered “good looking” only average at best.

I think that's pretty common because you likely don't want someone looking at you in a sexual way because that makes you uncomfortable. You could turn that around and like the fact that you're attractive and remind yourself that those people will never get to be with you. It can be empowering.  

[Ripper]

6 minutes ago, Princess Merida said:

I think that's pretty common because you likely don't want someone looking at you in a sexual way because that makes you uncomfortable. You could turn that around and like the fact that you're attractive and remind yourself that those people will never get to be with you. It can be empowering.  

Well, I mean I do want someone who I like to be with me, I am heteroromantic asexual. Ya know? I’ve felt rather lonely for a long time, I’ve only asked 4 girls out in my life, and got turned down each time.  Only 1 was in person. It always made me so nervous and I was worried they all thought I wanted them sexually when that wasn’t the case.

[Guest]

Yes, I can understand that and I think it probably will cross a girl's mind that you might be wanting to get in their pants because you're interested in them.

 

I just meant in general to remind yourself that they won't get to be with you because if it's the thought of sexual contact that makes you uncomfortable it actually helps take some of that stress away and make it easier to talk to girls.

 

Do you try to get to know girls first or dive straight in and ask them out?

[Ripper]

I always try to get to know them a bit.  And I do want them to be attractive to me as well..

[Lucas Monteiro]

I'm not insecure about my looks because to be honest, I can safely say that I'm handsome (if this sound too much narcissistic, I'm sorry). But just like you, I don't like to think that there is people who would look at me in a sexual way, because that just makes me feel uncomfortable. Literally walking on the street and if someone starts looking me in that way I feel somehow dirty, like an object. Sometimes it's nice to know you are aesthetically beautiful, but if people point out to you in terms of sexualization, then it's truly bad (at least for me). But if you think about it, @Princess Merida has a point, reminding yourself that those people won't get anything from you, it gives some empowering.

[Andiamo]

I mean, yes, but more for gender reasons than ace reasons.

[Dean.]

I have some of that, for a few different reasons, but I don't let it bother me too much.

[Ripper]

It’s gotten better for me, sadly cause my drug use, drinking, and smoking has deteriorated my looks a bit, so I feel as though I don’t look as good as I did like 5 to 10 years ago. So that’s helped me not feel as insecure and uncomfortable in my own skin, but in a sad way.

[Zebrafinch]

I don't really care about my looks - I think I'm slightly above average, based on what I think society's standards are and what I see in the mirror. (My predictive text suggested I put the word mad after slightly; it obviously knows me)

If someone compliments me on my looks, I don't take much notice; if someone compliments me on something I've made or done I'm pleased.

By the way, my style today is dragged-through-a-hedge-backwards, as I've been hacking back blackthorn.

[Philip027]

I don't really like to be complimented on my looks because it carries the implication that that's my only redeeming quality.  In short, it basically ends up feeling more like an insult.  Probably isn't what they intended, but that's nevertheless how it comes across.

 

Fortunately, as a pretty average looking, overweight male that virtually never goes outside anyway, I don't have to worry about this.

 

I get compliments on my looks from my partner, but because I already know she appreciates me in other ways than just that, it doesn't come across like an insult from her.

[Ripper]

I’m probably a 6 or 7 and I’m cool with 6 and usually 7 is okay to me now too but if I was any higher I would feel so uncomfortable I couldn’t live with myself.. it’s sounds so ridiculous I know but it’s how I’ve thought since I was a teenager. I always felt so uncomfortable at school or church group or wherever if a girl no matter if she was attractive to me or not made it apparent that she thought I was cute. I even remember one time when I was on a family vacation having this insecurity stress me out so much that I scratched my face up with my fingernails. That was MY level of discomfort of being attractive. I hate it but it was and is how I’ve felt. All because of feeling asexual of some sort all along.

[Perilous Poozer]

Yes, I guess I am, but mostly because I’m a realist and if you imagine a strict Victorian governess, that’s basically what I look like (with waaaay cuter glasses though!). The best compliment I ever had was from my high school art teacher who took a long look at my senior year self-portrait assignment and said “You’re very honest with yourself, aren’t you.”  Essentially I’m not sure if it’s so much insecurity as extreme side-eye to compliments on my physicality ‘cos I think you’d need some kind of domme fetish to find me hot! I love fashion and work my best with what I’ve got, but yes, I don’t take compliments on my looks well.

[Ripper]

2 hours ago, Perilous Poozer said:

Yes, I guess I am, but mostly because I’m a realist and if you imagine a strict Victorian governess, that’s basically what I look like (with waaaay cuter glasses though!). The best compliment I ever had was from my high school art teacher who took a long look at my senior year self-portrait assignment and said “You’re very honest with yourself, aren’t you.”  Essentially I’m not sure if it’s so much insecurity as extreme side-eye to compliments on my physicality ‘cos I think you’d need some kind of domme fetish to find me hot! I love fashion and work my best with what I’ve got, but yes, I don’t take compliments on my looks well.

Ya cool, oh and btw I do have a bit of a domme fetish..

[James121]

20 hours ago, Ripper said:

I am 27 and I can remember all this really manifesting around age 15 or 16.. me feeling very uncomfortable and even upset anytime someone complimented my looks in any way or gave me a look like they thought I was attractive. I’ve never wanted to be considered “good looking” only average at best.

Being considered good looking or someone complimenting you is a really nice and normal gesture. 

Do you think you can learn to take it for the compliment that it is supposed to be?

Also, how far does your feeling uncomfortable go? For example, if someone said they liked your outfit and it made you look good, would that make you feel uncomfortable or is it simply compliments regarding your actual body?

[Ripper]

4 hours ago, James121 said:

Being considered good looking or someone complimenting you is a really nice and normal gesture. 

Do you think you can learn to take it for the compliment that it is supposed to be?

Also, how far does your feeling uncomfortable go? For example, if someone said they liked your outfit and it made you look good, would that make you feel uncomfortable or is it simply compliments regarding your actual body?

Come to think of it when even my own mother says an outfit makes me look good, that even makes me a tad uncomfortable.

[Yatagarasu]

I want to be aesthetically attractive, but not in a sexual way. Though, I've never liked the fact I look feminine and I'd honestly give it away to a person who really needs it.

[Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad]

3 hours ago, Yatagarasu said:

I want to be aesthetically attractive, but not in a sexual way. Though, I've never liked the fact I look feminine and I'd honestly give it away to a person who really needs it.

Exactly what i'm feeling, too. 

Or to be more clear: I want that people think that i look good. That I !!!! look good, and not a cheap copy of me that looks more like what society sees as typical woman. So If I get a compliment in the first case (rare) I'm happy. In the second case its more like: its nice that you think I can wear that, but I dont believe you and think you are just saying this so i wear this stuff and fit in your picture of a girl/woman. Cant you See this is not me?!!

[Adachiku]

In general, I don’t like being told that I look good or even sexy (yuck). I mean, maybe I would like it from certain people, but not from 99% of the population (aka the people usually making these comments). Recently, a guy told me I looked good in jogging pants (we were on Skype) - like, my cheapest and oldest pair of jogging pants. I was briefly considering ending the call, then I just told him to never do it again.

I think I’m now past he point where I dress for others. I dress for myself, I know what looks good on me and I’d like other people to keep their thoughts about that to themselves. (actually, it’s the reason I’ve been postponing buying a new jeans for ages - the sales girls ALWAYS comment on how that particular pair makes your butt sexy. I don’t want a sexy butt, dammit, I want a comfortable pair of jeans to sit in the whole day!)

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Looks are skin deep, it's easy to judge a book by its cover, so I tend not to mind the looks, but I'm interested in what comes out of the mouth, via the brain! Being older means I don't really have to care what I look like or what others think of my appearance, so that's a blessing.

[Falcon7]

I can kinda relate myself to @Gldlynch, it is really annoying when people classify me and give a particular look/comment etc. 

I've never ever confident about my looks since when I was very young. Still hating looking into mirror and I know my looks is below average. So, when other people, like those who happen to have a small chat at the market or shops and start saying 'you are beautiful' (and usually followed by 'are you available? single?' ), I feel like 'wth are you saying?'. Sometimes I feel really being insulted by those random stuff because those words carrying no real meanings but sexual gaze. *sigh*

[Albine]

I am say more self conscious about my looks now since my surgery. Long story short, I have always thought of myself having breasts, not much transitioning, more I guess gender Q I guess. Any way I had cosmetic surgery male breast augmentation  last year.  Ended up going larger than I initially thought. So they are pretty noticeable. I get looks and comments from both men and women. They r usually a mix bag leaning on the positive side, I can see how some people especially women would be at times uneasy with looks comments or stares about themselves

[Ripper]

I’m a straight guy and I feel this way..also when it comes to me feeling into a girl..yes I need to find her attractive but more importantly, what’s her personality like and how does she treat others. And most importantly, how does she treat me? Does she care about me, have interest In me, seem to want to spend time with me.. those are the things that really get me turned on to her.

[CalHobbes]

On 2/8/2018 at 8:16 AM, Ripper said:

I am 27 and I can remember all this really manifesting around age 15 or 16.. me feeling very uncomfortable and even upset anytime someone complimented my looks in any way or gave me a look like they thought I was attractive. I’ve never wanted to be considered “good looking” only average at best.

I had those feelings as a teenager, I really disliked the idea of being considered sexy or attractive so I would purposefully walk around with a serious uninterested expression, dress like a tomboy and scowl when someone complimented my appearance. As I’ve gotten older though, I’ve gotten more comfortable with my body and appearance and developing... a bit of vanity I guess. I realized I like looking in a certain way for myself, I like wearing makeup to emphasize certain features and I like wearing dresses because of how they make me  look and feel, and it’s all for myself.

Fyi, I believe/am aware that I am average or below average in appearance, not in a negative self-image kind of way but in a realistic, the world is full of beautiful people (and the idea of beautiful varies wildly by person and culture!)

I think everyone should look as they feel comfortable and although there are some men and women who dress in a way to “attract,” no one has the right to assume it is for them.

 

I still think it’s weird and kind of rude for strangers to compliment appearance. I’ve learned to appreciate compliments from people I care about and to give compliments as well, but like I don’t give a shit about the opinion of someone I don’t know who knows nothing about me, why do you feel the need to share this unnecessary opinion with me.🤨

[Ripper]

1 hour ago, CalHobbes said:

I don’t give a shit about the opinion of someone I don’t know who knows nothing about me, why do you feel the need to share this unnecessary opinion with me.🤨

Who knows. Maybe they’re so miserable and teetering with suicide that they’re just doing it to get a smile out of someone to help them feel just a hair better, maybe you’re just the one they picked out.. u never know. Just thought of that now, but I definitely understand the discomfort and wtf feelings..

[Zatarra]

Nope never have been insecure over my looks and couldn't care less... as far as my looks go..well... to put it in southern saying: 

uglier than the east end of a horse headed west.

 

 

[Ripper]

21 minutes ago, Zatarra said:

uglier than the east end of a horse headed west.

Hahaha!! I literally lol’d. I’m from the south and never heard this one I don’t think.. oh well, at least you’re funny.