Voz Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Hi, all. I'm married (despite previous years and years of singleness leading up to that) and finally figured out that I'm grayaro-ace. So that's a little awkward. I want to be more open about it than feels fair to my spouse. But I've been telling close friends and that feels good and like maybe that's as open as I need to be. A part of me doesn't understand why it matters and feels like it should be a non-issue, interestingly enough though, the more I talk about it to close friends, the more I feel comfortable just being what I am, and caring about participating in asexual spaces however much or little as I like. So that's cool. It's been 8 months since I first told my spouse that I'm asexual, and started reading more, etc, so I'm not among the "Am I asexual?" crowd. I've been finding my bearing on the matter, and have been slowly settling in to this new identity, so hi, here I am! Link to post Share on other sites
bkrdragon94 Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Welcome! Pleased to meet you! Link to post Share on other sites
Semiterrestrial Scientist Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Hello 👋🏼Welcome to AVEN! 🎊 Glad you found us! Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 Welcome! These forums are always good for a little extra support and advice where it is needed, so hopefully we can still be useful to you Link to post Share on other sites
Voz Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 Oh, wow, so much marvelous cake! Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
RunningStrong Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Welcome! Newbie here myself. Married for ten years, into conservative religious circles before that, so my Aceness was super easy to hide. I am a hetero-romantic Ace, and my husband is willing to work with me as we define our new normal... I hope your spouse is as supportive. It's interesting that you bring up wanting to tell people but it kinda seems like not a big deal. Working through that seeming contradiction myself. The friends I HAVE told (all three of them) have asked a variation on three questions: What does this mean for your marriage? Are you okay? and Does this mean your relationship will be sexless? The answers to these will vary from person to person and relationship to relationship... but being willing to figure out a new normal for us is good. Welcome Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
Voz Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 On 2/8/2018 at 8:04 AM, BlindBeader said: into conservative religious circles before that, so my Aceness was super easy to hide. Same. Not even just easy to hide, but a huge part of why I didn't figure out for so long that I was Ace in the first place. On 2/8/2018 at 8:04 AM, BlindBeader said: I hope your spouse is as supportive. It's interesting that you bring up wanting to tell people but it kinda seems like not a big deal. Working through that seeming contradiction myself. He is! Except that he hasn't actively tried to learn much about it, and we have only really mentioned it once since then. I feel like we need to talk about it again, because it feels like there are things left unsaid there, but I'm not sure what exactly, so I'm not sure how to approach it. I guess I could just ask him if he has any questions about it, or things he's wondered about since I told him. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that contradiction! Thanks for you comments. Link to post Share on other sites
RunningStrong Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 Feel free to shoot me a message if you want to talk further. I think the dynamic with spouses is not just one conversation, but several. In my case, I want to be open to discussing it, but not overwhelm my husband with nothing BUT talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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