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Love vs. Caring


Semiterrestrial Scientist

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Semiterrestrial Scientist

I don’t know if I love anyone. I’ve been thinking of this a lot. What is the difference between loving and caring? I think I just care about my family. I don’t know if I love them. What does that say about me? Am I heartless? 

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I doubt you are heartless, you're probably just trying to figure things out :P

 

Caring is large part of love, imo.

 

Love means different things to different people and it's expressed in lots of different ways. Personally, I gauge if I love someone based on how I would feel if they walked out of my life forever. If I would miss them dearly, I love them. If I wouldn't, then I may care about them but don't love them.

 

One big thing for me, and I don't know if others feel this way, but if I really love someone I have a bad habit of kind of taking responsibility of them/their problems. This isn't to say I try to control them, it's just that their problems feel as though they become mine and their actions become something I feel I must take ownership of. So, if they are failing a class, I will want to help them by assisting with homework, encouraging them to go to their teacher for help, or maybe just listening to them vent their frustrations. If they get angry at someone and lash out, I might go to that person and explain that they were in a bad mood and then go to my friend and tell them that they need to make the situation right in some way. Again, I don't control them and they can ignore my words and help.

 

I think caring vs loving is two different degrees in being vested in another person. If I care for someone, I might "root" for them and listen to them when they are upset, but not go the extra mile to help them. When I love someone, I would try to take a more active role in supporting them.

 

I hope that helps, I'm sure others have other experiences with how they feel/express their love :)

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RottenInDenmark

When it comes to love i don't particularly value 'romantic love' any higher than others kinds of love.

but is in these times i like the Greeks words for different types of love if you are curious.

 

Eros - hard passion between lovers

Storge  - love of family

Philia - love of friends

Agape -  ( in others religions perspective God's love) but also Is love of all fellow humans (empathy)

 

see some of us value one higher than the others, or all of them above, but it does not mean any of them are any less significant. 

particularly i see love as to have a strong connection and care for each other, and that we can be very affectionate with each other in simply gestures.

 

i think Puck put it perfectly. in what love kinda involve

i see it as in, making compromises, communication. Liking someone for their strength, but mostly loving them for their flaws

In that love is hard work, but is a kind of hard work you know, means a lot, when you still want to make an effort,

you are passionate about it, and you want to make it work 

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3 hours ago, Syrthia said:

I don’t know if I love anyone. I’ve been thinking of this a lot. What is the difference between loving and caring? I think I just care about my family. I don’t know if I love them. What does that say about me? Am I heartless? 

I suppose it depends on how you define love and care. I have a feeling you may be approaching the two the same way as I do. For others, the two words can mean the same thing but for me it is very different. It is just hard to put it into words. Trying my best...

 

Love - feeling and thinking about someone in the moment and after

Care - just thinking about someone in the moment

 

lol. I dunno. Maybe you can relate to that? I suppose it is like the difference between sympathy and empathy. I can empathise but find it very difficult to sympathise. Even though in this example I use empathy would be more closely related to what I define love as. Like I said, it is hard to explain.

 

I had a discussion involving this some years back with my sister. We were talking about my emotions when I was in trouble (depression and suicidal thoughts) and my sister was trying to remind me that the rest of the family love me and are always talking about me (that made me raise an eyebrow because "Why the heck are they talking about me?"). She then again emphasised the love part to see if I realised that. I must have done something with my face because it made my sister respond with "Do you feel love for us?"

 

I did not. But I do care. I did not want to say No to my sister because I was worried it would upset her. However, my sis put two and two together and said "Do you care for us?" and that was easier to answer. She then comforted me and said that's all that matters then. That I can't make myself feel what I don't feel so don't ever feel guilty about it. Just do your best.

 

So, it does not mean you are heartless. You just approach what people consider as love differently. So long as you do your best is all what matters.

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Shocking how un-explored this topic is....Wish I could contribute, but I'm afraid I have no knowledge or understanding on this topic myself. :redface:

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Semiterrestrial Scientist

@umbasa I define love as caring about someone but also something stronger. Like I don’t know how to define it but that’s why I’m having this issue. I define caring as as caring about what happens to someone but not loving. Like I care about all the orphans in the world but I don’t love them. I’m not sure how to define love. I guess that is part of the problem.

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6 minutes ago, Syrthia said:

@umbasa I define love as caring about someone but also something stronger. Like I don’t know how to define it but that’s why I’m having this issue. I define caring as as caring about what happens to someone but not loving. Like I care about all the orphans in the world but I don’t love them. I’m not sure how to define love. I guess that is part of the problem.

I get ya. It's something I struggle with as well (as you could see from my *cough* explanation). Despite the fact I know there is a difference between the two and I am completely uncomfortable with what others see as love. It's a picture you build up over time from your interactions with family, friends and others and the more it builds up the more you realise how outside of that picture you are. You know they see it very differently from you (as my sister caught on with me).

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RottenInDenmark
1 hour ago, Syrthia said:

I’m not sure how to define love. I guess that is part of the problem.

I think we all struggle with this one ;D

for most people ideally that love should have what they define as true intimacy, - which it may be at times, for some people.

but it's an enigma.  How could we by any means describe something that is so large and always changing? That means something different in another persons ear.  

By a simple definition we can care and love for people. but to the question, what is real love? is another question, which i guess you don’t need an answer to.

No matter whether we explain true love, it wouldn’t mean anything to you. because our own definition of love is, and what we find fit (our perspective). Our definition would not fit everyone's perspective or feelings. it's not black and white, and to keep explaining it, i feel could end in some contradictory. 

 

i personally  like - the greatest thing you can do, is to love,' and be loved. 

Love is eternal, and even if i don't always understand love,  i just know i feel it, by being respectful and trusting of people when they say the love me, but more importing loving myself, so i can love others. 

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2 hours ago, Syrthia said:

@umbasa I define love as caring about someone but also something stronger. Like I don’t know how to define it but that’s why I’m having this issue. I define caring as as caring about what happens to someone but not loving. Like I care about all the orphans in the world but I don’t love them. I’m not sure how to define love. I guess that is part of the problem.

I mean, if we want to get scientific, it's the release of chemicals in the brain that spark attachment, attraction, and lust.

 

There are typically two parts of the brain "triggered" here, the super old part of the brain that leads to lust (same thing that makes animals want to go at each other during matting season) and the newer part of the brain that has developed from the same part of the brain where children get attached to parents.

 

You probably were talking physiologically so I'll stop.... My first answer might have been more helpful :P

 

1 hour ago, karo32 said:

the greatest thing you can do, is to love,' and be loved. 

Spoiler

 

 

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Semiterrestrial Scientist

@Puck Actually that is one way I have been looking at it too. I know that certain chemicals trigger love so I’ve been wondering if caring is a different but similar set of chemicals or the same chemicals but used in a different way. The chemistry behind similar human emotions actually fascinated me. Why is love triggered by different thing for each person? Why is it triggered at all? What would happen if a person couldn’t produce those chemicals? This is probably a little bit of a crueler or I guess more robotic way of looking at it but this is who I am and what I think about. Am I heartless now?

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Syrthia - not to diagnose or anything, but have you looked into how Asperger's manifests in females? Short, way over simplified version: it can often mean that people with AS can't really identify their feelings or understand them, which can lead to them asking the question in your OP. Just a suggestion that might be worth looking into it.

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Semiterrestrial Scientist

@Telecaster68No but I might look into it. I’ve heard about it slightly but I didn’t know what’s it did. Thank you

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I like to think that I love everyone... love is such a vague word. (So, that would be in the more agape sense.) It depends on what you mean by it. Now, there is a difference between strong, specific love (philia, storge, or eros) and simply caring, in my mind.

 

Suppose a person just told me they’re moving away because they got a great opportunity.

Personally-

 

If I care about them, I’ll be happy for them. I won’t be upset about them going away. I might ask for a semi-annual postcard/letter/text/Facebook post, but I probably won’t try to visit them or contact them 24/7.

 

If I really love someone, I’ll be shook. I’ll still be happy for them, but a part of me will want them not to go. I’ll want to go with them, or visit them often. I’ll demand that they come back to see me, and I’ll make sure that I get regular updates on their life and how they’re doing.

 

So, yeah. That’s my take on it. I also feel as if a lot of people experience love differently. So, there no real solid conclusion.

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11 hours ago, Syrthia said:

@Puck Actually that is one way I have been looking at it too. I know that certain chemicals trigger love so I’ve been wondering if caring is a different but similar set of chemicals or the same chemicals but used in a different way. The chemistry behind similar human emotions actually fascinated me. Why is love triggered by different thing for each person? Why is it triggered at all? What would happen if a person couldn’t produce those chemicals? This is probably a little bit of a crueler or I guess more robotic way of looking at it but this is who I am and what I think about. Am I heartless now?

@SyrthiaNo, you're not heartless or robotic....Maybe you just have Chemophobia! :lol:

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Blackfriday628

I've been working through what love is, myself. For me, I suppose in the simplest definition, caring is love. The only one that's different would be romantic love; being 'in love' as opposed to just having love for someone. To care for someone is exactly that - to care what happens to them, to be bothered by a person's distress to the point that you want to do something about it. Is that not a smaller form of love?? I love my family - I don't want to see them unhappy and if I can fix some issue for them, I will. Sure, I might have a stronger attachment to my grandmother than my father, for example, but I consider feelings for them both to be love of some level/variety. I am willing to put energy into the fulfillment of a person or thing - that's love, right??  

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