Srslydunno Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Like in the topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 In high school everyone started going crazy over one crush or another. I didn't automatically connect that with being aro but it did make me think that there might something different between my friends and myself. Nevertheless, I can tell myself "maybe I just haven't met the right person yet" each day until the day I die. And even when I die, maybe I just didn't live long enough to meet the right person. I've decided instead to just base things off of past experiences and current desires and at the age of 23 decided it's likely that I'm aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Srslydunno Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 @Galactic Turtle Thanks for a reply And yes, I'm in high school and I noticed that unlike many others I don't have crushes. I even have a nickname ,,ice queen,, or ,,stone queen,, Link to post Share on other sites
Born Stoic Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 The moment I discovered the term aromantic.... so 21 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
Srslydunno Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 Just now, Born Stoic said: The moment I discovered the term aromantic.... But before discovering that term, did you see any ,,odd,, (probably not the best word) things about yourself? And if you've had them - when were the first signs? Link to post Share on other sites
Falcon7 Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 28 minutes ago, Born Stoic said: The moment I discovered the term aromantic.... Same here. Before that...hmm I was (and still) kinda amused to see other people's 'wth!?' face when I said I have never had nay sort of relationships. I felt that it is not me but other people are 'funny'. Link to post Share on other sites
Born Stoic Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 45 minutes ago, Srslydunno said: But before discovering that term, did you see any ,,odd,, (probably not the best word) things about yourself? And if you've had them - when were the first signs? I would describe myself as logical,skeptical and cynical before anything else. I never liked the odds of relationships and my conclusions were for as far as I can remember: 'The juice ain't worth the squeeze'. (Earliest memories of coming to these conclusions would be when I was around 7 years old) Did you see any ,,odd,, (probably not the best word) things about yourself? Well, I was always quite eccentric... when you are extremely introverted, have Asperger Syndrome and are asexual at the same time, it's difficult to not feel like you're odd compared to everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Naali Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Realizing by term, June 2015, when I was 24. I never really found it odd that I wasn't into relationships in high school or college. I just did my work and that was that. It's funny because I was texting a friend sometime in 2013 and he said he had a crush on some wrestler, I didn't even realize my response of "I've never had a crush" was strange for a 20 year old. Also, I went on a blind date (and only date as of rn) when I was 18 (set up by a coworker) and I just felt out of place - he was kind and all, but I didn't know how/what I was suppose to feel. I always thought that due to my personality and life choices, it would be hard to find someone I'd want to be around anyway. Still do, bleh. Link to post Share on other sites
Srslydunno Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 @Born Stoic Yes, 98% of your description matches my personality and my view on relationships/or love. I was never able to answer the question 'why don't you get a boyfriend/girlfriend' I just never saw the benefits of that. That's a weird combination but I also identyfy myself as an sexual, but uncomfortable with stronger bonding. Actually I even gave it a try and been in a relationship a few times, just to see if maybe I like it. I felt like somebody took my freedom - basically suffocating. Link to post Share on other sites
Born Stoic Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 7 hours ago, Srslydunno said: @Born Stoic Yes, 98% of your description matches my personality and my view on relationships/or love. I was never able to answer the question 'why don't you get a boyfriend/girlfriend' I just never saw the benefits of that. That's a weird combination but I also identyfy myself as an sexual, but uncomfortable with stronger bonding. Actually I even gave it a try and been in a relationship a few times, just to see if maybe I like it. I felt like somebody took my freedom - basically suffocating. The stereotypical 'It doesn't hurt to try' is inaccurate if you ask me (You only have to look at your last sentence and analyze people's behaviour to realize that). I do applaud your bravery for engaging in something that you never saw benefits in regardless of the obvious risks ,difficulties and sometimes even dangers. I would probably not do the same... Link to post Share on other sites
Tos Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 figured it out at 19 when a girl was serious about wanting to date me and it weirded me out instead of making me happy Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 always knew . But only properly found the term at 18 Link to post Share on other sites
Voz Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 I think I started to suspect something around 20 or 21, which was also around the time I decided I'd probably never get married, but I didn't use the word until this year (30.) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 28. It was hard to figure out because there have been a few people I've deeply admired and I took that to mean I was romantically interested in them. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott1989 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 19 when it finally heard the term and it finally made sense but 18 when I realised I didn't want relationships but maube 14 or 15 when I fitlrst noticed something was up. Link to post Share on other sites
AFlyingPiglet Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 I discovered that I was Asexual when I was 36 years old. After reading around on AVEN for a few months, I decided that I was Aro too. Can't believe its 10 years this year but I'm so glad that I did discover that I'm Aro Ace then! Link to post Share on other sites
Larkaloke Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Twenty-three or so, but I had never heard the term before then. I never had a shred of romantic interest, but there were one or two instances as a teenager when I wasn't really sure whether the "wanting to be friends with someone" feeling I had was what was supposed to be romantic feelings or not, so I might not have guessed much earlier if I'd known if it earlier. On the other hand, a proper description would have led to my realizing it at least by the time I was eighteen, I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Topi Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Just to make sure, I don't identify as Aromantic, however all my life experiences may make me think that I am one. The first memory I have of my opinion about relationships was of me very very young saying I would never marry someone and that hasn't changed until now. What makes it hard for me is that I had 2 or 3 time deep interest in people, but deep down I knew that what I felt wasn't romantic or would lead to a romantic relationship. I admired them, I was fascinated with them maybe even obsessed, but that was due to their mysterious aura surrounding them. Whenever, they came close to me and hugged me or said something sweet to me to show that I was different in relation to other people, that I was especial I felt like running away, suffocating and I wasn't even in a relationship with them. So, I rejected any kind of advance they made and hurt them by doing so without noticing. I have never wanted a relationship and the idea makes me feel sick and without freedom. I never thought I was weird or anything. I thought that people surrounding me were weird. My parents always said studies first, relationships after, so seeing everyone dating with boy/girlfriends made me confused. Sometimes, I would think about it, but would easily shut down the idea. I couldn't imagine myself doing the same things they did. Kissing on the mouth, sitting in each others laps, touching all over. It all just seemed weird, invasive, private to be showing to the world. The fact that I am not a very affectionate person, may also play a role here, though. Link to post Share on other sites
EnterCreativeName Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 I never really put thought into relationships before I heard the term. For a day, I went to homecoming with one of my friends who asked me out. But after that night, I knew that I felt nothing and didn't peruse a relationship. It was as simple as that. I didn't have the feelings, so I didn't look into it. And when asked about crushes, I didn't really know what to say either and I think my friends caught onto that eventually, because I didn't get asked about it very often. I remember having a GSA assembly at school once, and they mentioned asexuality. I searched up the term later in the year just out of curiosity, and found that both asexual and aromantic fit me. I had honestly put no thought into relationships and romantic feelings up until I learned the word, and there was no doubt in my head that I wasn't aromantic. I discovered the term when I was 15 or 16, I believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Divide By Zero Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 At the time I was growing up, romantic orientation wasn't really known or understood. I assumed my lack of desire and interest in relationships and dating was all part of being asexual. It wasn't until later that I learned about romantic orientation and how it differs from sexual orientation. I can't remember when exactly I learned about romantic orientation but I knew right away that I am aro. Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 10-ish. Unlike most of my friends I wasn't interested in boys and I didn't have celebrity crushes. I liked playing with boys but I didn't want anything romantic with them. I didn't feel anything towards girls either. For the longest time I thought I was a late bloomer. It wasn't until much later that I realized I was aro. Link to post Share on other sites
Extroverted Introvert Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 I wondered for a long time but I only started to identify once I discovered the term (so like, a few weeks ago, really). There were a lot of signs growing up. In middle and high school, all my friends were always talking about boys or celebrities that they thought were attractive. They would use the term "hot" but I honestly thought it was a made-up term. I thought guys were cute, but it never went further than that for me. One of my friends decided we would go around the circle and share who we though was hot. When I said I didn't think anyone was attractive that way, they got mad at me. My friend said that was impossible, everyone liked someone. They thought I was just embarrassed and didn't want to share, which was unfair because everyone else shared . My freshmen year in college, this guy asked me out. I had zero interest in him in that way. I suppose I liked his hair and I enjoyed hanging out with him. There was so much pressure from my friends to date him, so I said yes. We dated for a few months but I never saw him as anything more than a friend. And when we kissed, I was so caught up in whether or not I was doing it right. Or sometimes I would just check out and think about other things, like what I was going to wear the next day. Like none of it held any interest for me. There are a lot of guys on campus that have asked me out. Some of them are really great guys. I always say no. I say I'm just not interested in dating anyone at this time in my life. Everyone just calls me a prude or tells me that I'm rude not to date them. When my mom asks, I tell my mom that none of them are right for me. I haven't told anyone yet that I think I'm aro ace and I've been giving all these "I just haven't met the right guy yet" excuses. I'm worried they'll turn that line back on me when I actually tell them how I feel (or rather, don't feel). Link to post Share on other sites
Extroverted Introvert Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 On 2/5/2018 at 5:33 PM, Falcon7 said: Before that...hmm I was (and still) kinda amused to see other people's 'wth!?' face when I said I have never had nay sort of relationships. I felt that it is not me but other people are 'funny'. I know! I always thought my friends' "boy-obsessiveness" was just a show. Like people don't actually feel that way, right? I figured I was just more level-headed than everyone else. It's probably why it took me so long to figure out that I was actually ace. Link to post Share on other sites
unicornia Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 I didn't really know until I heard the term either, at 26, but of course there were always signs. I never really had any crushes growing up, neither celebrities nor classmates or friends or other people. As a teenager I couldn't understand how everyone else, from the popular to the extremely shy and introverted ones who never spoke to anyone, even people I found somehow despicable and mean and rude somehow had a girlfriend or boyfriend, and I didn't. For the longest of times I thought there was something extremely wrong with me and that nobody liked me. It helped crush my self esteem and -confidence down into the cellar! Later I realized that it was more that I liked nobody Then I thought I probably had commitment issues (which I do, when it comes to everything else in life...), but after a while I figured it wasn't committing (or rather not committing) that was the problem, because there was no relationships to avoid committing to. The people I know who have romantic commitment issues tend to fool around and do a lot of one-night stands and short relationships, and summer flings, and run off when things become too serious, whereas I would run off if people gave me a compliment or any other hints that might suggest they would like to go out with me. I hate dating, and have only been on one "official" date in my life, which was just really awkward and weird. Even backpacking I didn't have any mini travel relationships which kind of made me start think about the whole thing again. If I wouldn't even fool around traveling, with people I might never ever meet again, the least committing scenario ever, I guess it wasn't really commitment issues that stopped me. Could I maybe be gay, but somehow suppressing it? I have wondered that so many times as well, but I didn't feel like I was suppressing anything, and just felt even less interested in girs that I did in boys (if that's possible). I think the thing that threw me off for the longest of times is that I get really easily fascinated by people, and if someone fascinates me I want to know them, I want to understand them, I want them to share their innermost thoughts and feelings, I want to understand how their brain works and I thought what I was feeling was somehow a crush, now I understand it is more a fascination and a need for connecting with people I like and interests me as I never want to date or have sex with them. So yeah, when I discovered asexuality and then aromanticism a couple of months later and started reading about it, I felt like everything just clicked. It felt right at once, unlike any other "label" I had tried putting on myself during growing up. Link to post Share on other sites
Muir Caileag Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 @unicornia I really feel that. For the longest time I kinda assumed I was gay, or bisexual, because I felt indifferent between people and wanted to connect with everyone I found interesting. I suppose it wasn't only after I tried dating that I realised- I actually had no interest in dating or being with anyone. But equally I want a closeness with people, just specific people and I don't particularly like the idea of a relationship anyway. I also thought I'd just have commitment issues, despite the fact I haven't experienced been in a relationship, just because I couldn't fathom being in a relationship with one person indefinitely! I don't know, a lot of this confused me for ages and it wasn't until late 2016 I figured out I just didn't want a relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
AmberInTheMoonlight Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 I didn't discover the term until I was 13 when one of my friends suggested it to me at a summer camp, but for most of my life I suspected there was something "weird" (for lack of a better word) about me since I had never had a crush on anyone and didn't understand how they work. Link to post Share on other sites
PittAce92 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I knew around high school (15), as everyone was obsessing with relationships and sex, I always had the thought, "This is what you obsess about?" Now, I formally haven't identified as aromantic asexual until about a year ago, but if I knew of these terms in high school, I would have. I only ever asked out someone one, and it was not because I wanted to go out on a date, but more for peer pressure reasons (to prove something that was false). Luckily, that was the only time ever I gave into any peer pressure, and luckily, I was rejected! Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzipueo Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I was 15 and a guy I was friends with at the time had a crush on me, as one of his female friends explained to me one day after class. I didn't believe her, of course, because he and I were just friends and that's what I told her. When she asked if I'd told Phillip that, I was puzzled as to why I needed to explain our friendship to him. I forgot about that confrontation over Christmas break until one day in mid January, when Phillip announced, out of the blue, that he wanted to get married after high school. I told him I wanted to go to college. He said "I'll wait." I was confused and very puzzled (for a long time) as to why a 15 year old boy already had wedding plans. After that I avoided guys in general. That was in 1985. I discovered the term aromantic only a few years ago, but I knew even without having that term available to me, in much the same way I knew I was asexual. The one and only time I went on a date was out of curiosity, to find out what dating was like. Link to post Share on other sites
taebae Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I was in middle school when I realized I didn't seem to experience romantic or sexual attraction like most of my peers. But I didn't know there was a term for it until I was in highschool, around the age of 16. After that I was in denial for a while. So around 18 is when I finally began to identify as aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Not so long ago TBH, it came with the realisation I am Ace, in 2016 when I was 56. Link to post Share on other sites
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