Are Aco-Aro people less likely to settle?

[RobPal]

I've been mulling this one over for about a week.

 

Many of my friends and family, along with general observations of others, seem to have the whole relationship thing, either with or without kids, as a motivation for life. If they do get the partner and kids, this adds a new motivator.

 

As an Ace-aro I feel like even though I'm close with many of these more traditional people, I'm excluded from a big part that keeps me motivated to settle down in any area of my life.

 

Yes, this subjective sense of freedom has allowed me to take some interesting life risks to change career paths several times, but I'm still struggling to see the ultimate purpose. Where others have their partner and/or family to give them motive to hunker down and settle for one career or only take low risk opportunities, I have no such motive or purpose and am unlikely to ever have that.

 

So it all boils down to trying to understand how I fit into society in a way that motivates me into my old age.

 

I'm certainly not considering ending it all, I'm way too stubbornly optimistic for that, but I feel I could be more productive if I had a greater responsibility or something.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?

[Cnyb]

Having a project, some connection to people or a group, getting external stimuli from others can all help motivate/find energy... I can certainly stagnate if I isolate too much.

 

If I'm spending a bit more time by myself, then it really seems to help if I periodically review some things I've enjoyed doing or valued from the past, and imagine what completing some tasks would feel like -- things others might remind me about if I were around them, that I could forget and risk getting too blah.

[Galactic Turtle]

I think there's many more ways to connect with other people that's not finding a partner or starting a family. I know some people who keep living in a city because that's where all their friends are, for example. They're very uncomfortable not having an in person social life so the thought of moving away makes them anxious. For me, while I do love my friends, I also feel very strongly that if I go out on my own adventure and come back we'll have just as much to catch up on and hopefully through continuing to chat via Facebook and such, we can still share the goings on in our lives even if we're apart from each other.

 

On the other hand, I do feel like my lack of desire for a partner in any sense of the word does help with my career choice in which at any given moment I don't know where I'll be living in three months. Of the professionals I've met in this field, there are some who eventually settle down into their forties, some who do get married but still work on the road and it's not so easy for them, but even more who form emotional bonds and hold their work at a very high personal value that just the impact of their experiences keeps them going.

 

I was talking about this with my current production manager the other day who took a few years off of concert touring to take care of her father. She said the thing she missed most during that time was the level of concentrated teamwork and camaraderie she had on each tour, but that the older she gets the more she's scoping out places (music venues or production companies) to really settle in and make her own, training the next generation of touring crew. When asked about romance, she said she just never felt a strong pull towards it or if she did, it paled in comparison to the pull she felt towards her work.

[StreetlightDawn]

It's funny because I actually feel the opposite.  As an ace, my focus has really been on my myself and not so much on relationships.  So straight out of college, I got my career locked down.  I've only moved twice in 13 years, having lived at my current place for 6 of them.  I have friendships and hobbies and I guess I'm settled.  I've got my roots laid down.

 

And recently I've looked at my life and thought...this is it?

 

Now I'm focusing on a possible partner relationship and even the idea of a family because I feel it will help "un-settle" me.  I've done what I wanted, but I think having to consider the needs of other people would be a nice kick out of the rut I've created for myself.

 

So I guess I read your post and think, man, enjoy that freedom.  "Settled" is a bit dull. But I get that we're always wondering if the opposite of what we have is better.

[Snao Cone]

I find that my general financial caution keeps me on the safe side of things. This is in part because I'm going to have to take care of myself. It helps not to have to take care of another person, but as I'm in a state of health more susceptible to long term problems I provide enough risk on my own. 

 

I don't feel enough passion for a particular career to motivate me to make big changes. I don't really want to move to a different city for complicated reasons, so there's no need for upheaval in living circumstances. I'm just not an impulsive person. I feel like I have a point to prove and principles to live up to, so that's my focus. I suppose family types are basically doing the same thing but with a very different set of principles.

 

Sometimes I envy the impulsive risk takers, but I also glad I don't have strong itches to scratch.

[SorryNotSorry]

I'd say no, if one is the kind of person who can have the hots for just about anyone.

[daisylove]

I prefer to think of it as equilibrium. Less so now, but I used to occasionally do things like travel on a whim. I'm less impulsive now, but not really any less on the same trajectory. I think life is full of nuances and changes, especially as we age. 

 

I'm more focused on the well-being of my family (siblings) and surviving parent, as well as my own health. Believe me life will throw you a few curve balls soon enough. I also have my faith/spirituality, so unless youre an atheist, it may be another arena that you want to explore if you havent already 

[Skycaptain]

I can see being an aro-ace making some, not all, more likely to settle. House, job what more do you need? The likelihood of wanting to move nearer a QPP or upsize your property due to an expanding family are both less likely. 

 

[AFlyingPiglet]

For me, discovering that I'm Aro Ace has made it easier to settle.  Before then, in a way my life was 'on hold' and I was living in rented accommodation thinking that maybe one day I might meet someone and want to buy a place with them.  About a year after realizing that I'm Aro Ace I was left some inheritance money by my Grandma which was enough for a deposit on a place for me to buy on my own. 

 

I think those two things - the inheritance money and realising I'm Aro Ace helped me to think that I'm always going to be on my own and maybe this was my chance to put roots down.  Having said that, I recently quit my job of 14 years (for various reasons) and am currently looking for another.  I did this after my Dad passed away and I have (some more) inheritance money behind me.  It's a bit of a gamble but hopefully a low risk one.

 

I realize that I'm privileged in being able to do this due to inheritance money but I feel that sometimes you just have to make the most of the opportunities which come along.

 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Although I have made some impulsive choices, such as literally sticking a pin in the map twice and moving there, I'm mainly a settled person. Right now, I have severe bouts of homesickness, but I love my little house , and my job too, so although I keep wanting to go back home, I guess it'll be a while yet!