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tygersongbird

Things Aces find weird

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tygersongbird
2 hours ago, James121 said:

In the land of the sexual, a ‘healthy

relationship ‘ is usually complimented by sex.

One of the first things to go when a marriage is going down the pan is sex. So not many people/couples prioritise sex over the relationship. That’s a myth that some people like others to believe but it is a myth and nothing more.

OK. I hope to not yell or throw flames over at you. However, I don't think that you know how pernicious your statement is, for us asexuals. So, I know that it's how you do things in your experience. What you seem to not understand is that sexual people seem to think that asexual relationships=friendship. It's not true love. It's a broken or disordered love. It's incomplete. What you are not getting is the frustration that most sexual people don't think that asexuals are even human because they don't have a sexual dimension to them, really. So many sexuals try to pressure asexuals into having sex, as they believe their way of love is right and our abstinence from it is wrong. They'll say we are the ones with the problem that need fixing. It's either that or we're selfish for not letting them get any, like we live to torture those we love.  How many times have I heard that I must be "abnormal" because I don't want to do it with anyone? It's astounding and exacerbating

 

So, a lot of people will say that your relationship is basically a roommate or that you don't really love your partner if you don't have sex with them. It is absolutely unheard of to be demeaned in terms of being loving and lovable. The idea that people think that you are only lovable so long as you have sex is not a good one. It sucks to be knocked back and knocked down because you are who you are, with everyone deeming you disordered or broken for it. We want to love and find love too. We think people are pretty. But why is it that having sex with them validates our love for them? But why do we have to "give up sex" to find true love? Why does it have to be that way?

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James121
6 minutes ago, tygersongbird said:

I don't think that you know how pernicious your statement is, for us asexuals.

You make some valid points that I will bare in mind however if you want to see a penicious post, please see almost everything that philip027 posts.

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tygersongbird
1 hour ago, James121 said:

You make some valid points that I will bare in mind however if you want to see a penicious post, please see almost everything that philip027 posts.

Could you share those with me? I have no idea who that is.

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Moony Lovegood
4 hours ago, plasticapollos said:

Why am I so good at flirting? To me I'm just being cute. Apparently that's flirting. I just want to be loved? Am I going about this the wrong way?

I've had this problem, too. There are men out there who take women being friendly as a sign of interest. It's best to just be polite but brief and not joke around and stuff with them.

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Moony Lovegood
3 hours ago, tygersongbird said:

What you are not getting is the frustration that most sexual people don't think that asexuals are even human because they don't have a sexual dimension to them, really.

I guess that means rapists and pedophiles are more human than we are, then. If that's the case, then I am glad that I am seen as separate from that.

 

It's funny because I read about a study where participants seemed to think asexuals are somehow more animalistic than sexuals. The two most animalistic things a person can do are kill and have sex.

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tygersongbird
16 minutes ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

I guess that means rapists and pedophiles are more human than we are, then. If that's the case, then I am glad that I am seen as separate from that.

 

It's funny because I read about a study where participants seemed to think asexuals are somehow more animalistic than sexuals. The two most animalistic things a person can do are kill and have sex.

I guess so. I've never read that study. However, I have heard that people feel weird dating an asexual, because they don't "desire them". I find that weird, because if you date someone, wouldn't you find them beautiful to stay around with them? Just saying. 

 

I don't get the whole "You don't find me beautiful because you won't have sex with me" argument.  People, sex ≠ you're beautiful. If someone says to you that they find you lovely, then don't find fault in that. If they say you're beautiful, then guess what? They like you! And why is that not enough proof?

 

It's all too weird to me.

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Lucas Monteiro
4 hours ago, James121 said:

You make some valid points that I will bare in mind however if you want to see a penicious post, please see almost everything that philip027 posts.

I don't think talking about someone behind their back is nice, I think one penicious post is this one you did. But I'm sorry if I misinterpreted wrong but for me it seems that you didn't quote him or something, just for him to not know. Otherwise, if you just forgot, let me help you. @Philip027 

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Lucas Monteiro
51 minutes ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

I've had this problem, too. There are men out there who take women being friendly as a sign of interest. It's best to just be polite but brief and not joke around and stuff with them.

That's true, some sexual men would think that it's a sign of interest, and to be honest, it's not all their fault to think about that. But it's truly bad that they would think in this way all the time, so I agree with you that the best option it's to be polite but brief. 

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Moony Lovegood

@tygersongbird I don't understand why anyone would associate beauty with sex. When you can see it for what it truly is, in a scientific way, it's not pretty.

 

I would say that sex could be beautiful in some sense if two people shared a deep emotional and spiritual connection with eachother. But the majority of people don't have that. What they have is lust.

 

Sexuals call things existing in nature beautiful without wanting to have sex with them. Like flowers. They should just apply that to humans.

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SkyenAutowegCaptain
14 hours ago, Ripper said:

Also, why a guy would wanna “eat a girl out”. Sounds disgusting as well.

Along with penis sucking it's a 69, or in slightly crude bingo lingo "dinner for two" :twisted:

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James121
3 hours ago, Lucas Monteiro said:

I don't think talking about someone behind their back is nice, I think one penicious post is this one you did. But I'm sorry if I misinterpreted wrong but for me it seems that you didn't quote him or something, just for him to not know. Otherwise, if you just forgot, let me help you. @Philip027 

Very smooth Lucas. It’s stylish how you just pushed for 2 people to start and then just stood back and watched. Don’t pretend you haven’t spoken about  another person behind their back before. You’ve never talked to anyone in your life about someone else? Sometimes it’s part of life.

 

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James121
5 hours ago, tygersongbird said:

Could you share those with me? I have no idea who that is.

You don’t know who that is? Do you know how to search for people on aven? 

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Philip027

ee2e31f222a341cc04dc91bd5b0308bc.gif

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James121

Love popcorn 🍿 

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tygersongbird
5 hours ago, James121 said:

You don’t know who that is? Do you know how to search for people on aven? 

Nope, I don't care to really search for someone's comments. I mean, I'm really concerned with getting my experience understood with others, not to expose others.

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tygersongbird
2 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

Its not just the men. If I behaved politely with women, some would take that as a sign of interest; which is why I avoid any sort of friendly interaction. I wont be a deliberate ass with them but I will try to keep things somewhat crudely simple.

Yup, and it seems that whenever you are friendly with someone, the outside public seems to think that you are dating them. I'm a huge nerd, and whenever I was in college, I would hang out with other nerds on the academic team. So, anyway, I would often hang out with a friend of mine, because we really were friends. So, when we went on a trip for school, there were rumors spreading around that we were dating. Of course, it was false. However, people just operate that people can't be friends (especially in heterosexual relationships), people just don't believe that.

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James121
47 minutes ago, tygersongbird said:

Nope, I don't care to really search for someone's comments. I mean, I'm really concerned with getting my experience understood with others, not to expose others.

Then why did you comment asking me to “share those”. Oops 😬 

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Lucas Monteiro
6 hours ago, James121 said:

Very smooth Lucas. It’s stylish how you just pushed for 2 people to start and then just stood back and watched. Don’t pretend you haven’t spoken about  another person behind their back before. You’ve never talked to anyone in your life about someone else? Sometimes it’s part of life.

First of all, I didn't pushed anyone to fight, and I'm not watching anything. I never said that I didn't spoken about someone behind their back, I'm not going to lie, I already did that but the thing is, I know that it was wrong what I did. But we are in a different place and the rules are different, you said something very public to not just one person but to everybody, and didn't even quoted him. I can do that, and if you want to do that with me, I'm fine. And by any chance, do you see yourself fighting with him right now ? Because I don't.

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James121
1 hour ago, Lucas Monteiro said:

you said something very public to not just one person but to everybody, and didn't even quoted him.

Arguably I didn’t say anything behind his back then as I knew it would get back to him or was at least highly likely to. And I was happy for him to see it and I was happy for everyone else to see it because his recent posts have been incredibly dismissive, confrontational and provocative. 

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Lucas Monteiro
12 minutes ago, James121 said:

Arguably I didn’t say anything behind his back then as I knew it would get back to him or was at least highly likely to. And I was happy for him to see it and I was happy for everyone else to see it because his recent posts have been incredibly dismissive, confrontational and provocative. 

At the moment I thought you were afraid by saying behind his back or didn't wanted him to know. And that's why I quoted him, but I'm sorry if I seemed rude or similar doing that.

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MissMoth42

Honestly I think some things that are being mentioned in this topic don't have much to do with asexuality or sexuality... The main example that comes to mind is when someone talked about revealing clothing. Like, yeah, I get where you would see the relationship but at the same time, while I don't really wear crop tops or miniskirts I do wear shorts, leggings, tank tops and such things sometimes, and I would probably wear the former two as well if I were thinner (I'm a bit chubby). I'm ace and I don't really do it (or would do it) because I want to be found attractive, it's because I think I look nice when I wear that, and I don't want other people's desire or whatever to stop me from enjoying my clothing and from looking in the mirror and saying "I look nice today and my legs are pretty in this" or similar things. I do it for me, not for others. Not because I think I'm gonna look "sexy" to random dudes, but because I think I look prettier, more like an aesthetic thing.

 

Another thing I think is unrelated is the having kids thing... Having (biological) kids requires you have sex one time to be possible but nothing in the experience of having a child implies or requires anything sexual (actually, I guess most couples must kind of cut back on sex a bit when they have kids, or at least have more limitations as to when and where they can do it). And even then you don't even need to have sex at all, you can just adopt a child if you want to. For me I don't even see where the relation is at all on this point and don't get why so many people are listing this... I don't want to have kids either but neither do my siblings and I think they are allo. I mean, at least it would be one hell of a coincidence if all three of us were ace :P

 

But as for a thing I don't really get it would certainly be this kind of aggressive or violent sex. Not even BDSM level, just choking and slapping and stuff. I know not all allosexuals like those specific things but most seem to prefer some degree of agreessiveness (well, at least from what I've seen), even just little things like pulling hair. Like, I was reading that stupid thing about the ranking of the guys in bed on the op's post and at more than one point she says stuff like "it was the most violent sex I've ever had" or "I could hardly walk the day after" to actually PRAISE the dudes and I'm just... baffled because I cannot imagine these would be good things. Like I said before, I get it some allos are also not interested in agressive sex and a lot of this comes down to kinks and stuff, but the large majority seem to at the very least not hate it (or at the very, very least have agreed to try it at some point) and I just can't wrap my head around what could possibly be pleasurable about this. Everytime someone describes this sort of stuff I just think it sounds very painful. I remember when I was younger and I learned what sex was in Sex ED and for a good one or two years after, despite never feeling the want for sex, I knew kind of what it was like (or so I thought) and I imagined it as this cute thing, kind of like cuddling 2.0 or something and then when I saw a porn gifset for the first time (on Tumblr of course, where else) I was shocked because it was a lot more aggressive than I though it was! And that was most gifs, not just one. And then I searched some stuff on forums and all that and just realized that most people seem to like sex better this way, even if it starts out soft and romantic, to the point of looking down on people who like "vanilla" or who aren't "assertive" in bed. I do know that a lot of sexual people actively ask for more violent actions from their partners because they want it but when I heard it for the first time my reactions was just... Why would someone want to hurt the person they love the most? Especially just for their personal pleasure??? And now I get it it's a thing that both people usually enjoy but I still don't really understand HOW. If I ever were to have sex I would never have the courage to hurt my partner even if they told me they liked it and even if I knew the pain would last very little and be just an in the moment thing. I don't know, I guess probably because I don't really feel it myself. BDSM then? Even more puzzling. Besides all of that, oral sex is absolutely disgusting to me and I would NEVER do it. I have come to realize that most things sexual people consider the ones that keep sex interesting like different positions, different techniques and different sex toys and stuff are the ones I wouldn't want to try. I guess not feeling sexual pleasure at all makes me not understand all the nuances so that must be the reason. If I had no taste sense I wouldn't get the point of different flavors either, and would probably be content with samey meals every day. And I would look at jelly and say "why would you want to put this gooey weird thing inside your mouth?". So I guess it's similar.

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MissMoth42
12 hours ago, James121 said:

Very smooth Lucas. It’s stylish how you just pushed for 2 people to start and then just stood back and watched. Don’t pretend you haven’t spoken about  another person behind their back before. You’ve never talked to anyone in your life about someone else? Sometimes it’s part of life.

 

I don't think what Lucas did was 100% right but still, I don't get how you can be complaining to someone about wanting to start fights when you mentioned how bad someone's posts were out of literally nowhere considering this person hadn't even talked to you on this thread (also, what is even wrong with his posts? I checked his profile and have seen him here before and he seems perfectly alright...). And also, I agree it's a bit different to talk about someone behind their back to a friend personally and talking about someone behind their back to a whole forum when you typed it out and had the time to reflect whether you should post it or not, and despite both being sort of wrong and both being things most people have done (well maybe not in forums, but in message groups and stuff), they are still different.

Anyway, I agree with tygersongbird, I think you should choose your words or tone better. I don't believe you meant to be rude, but the way you said some things is not very nice for the forum you are in. For example, when someone talked about how "eating a girl out" sounded disgusting, you said "Trust me it’s nothing short of amazing". You probably mean well but in a mainly asexual forum about asexuality it's kind of a dickish thing to say because we don't experience those things, and you know that. It won't make any difference to tell anyone it's amazing and to "trust you" when it's something they have made clear they don't feel. It is kind of like the whole "you will understand when you have it" thing sexual people sometimes say to us. No, we won't. And no, it's not amazing to us, no matter how much you tell us it is. Or when you said some people would view masturbating only and not having sex as selfish and how you'd rather have sex with someone else than yourself. I can see you don't mean to be offensive and you are just stating your experiences as an allo (which is totally ok) but the way you say it sounds a bit condescending. Even if it's not what you meant, I could see people reading these statements, especially the latter. as sort of passive agressive towards asexuality. I'm not trying to start a fight or anything, I just think you should maybe have worded your replies better.

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Woodworker1968

I totally don't understand what's supposed to be so attractive about people who are bitches/bastards. Cluebat, please.

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tygersongbird
9 hours ago, James121 said:

Then why did you comment asking me to “share those”. Oops 😬 

I said it, because I knew I didn't want to look for them. I don't look to shame, but you can fire away if you so choose. I'm just not going to join you.

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tygersongbird
2 hours ago, Woodworker1968 said:

I totally don't understand what's supposed to be so attractive about people who are bitches/bastards. Cluebat, please.

I don't understand why people love that, honestly. It never makes sense to me, honestly. Why don't people like the nice girl or nice guy who treats them with respect and says "I love you" to them with truth and sincerity? I don't understand.

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James121
3 hours ago, MissMoth42 said:

I don't think what Lucas did was 100% right but still, I don't get how you can be complaining to someone about wanting to start fights when you mentioned how bad someone's posts were out of literally nowhere considering this person hadn't even talked to you on this thread (also, what is even wrong with his posts? I checked his profile and have seen him here before and he seems perfectly alright...). And also, I agree it's a bit different to talk about someone behind their back to a friend personally and talking about someone behind their back to a whole forum when you typed it out and had the time to reflect whether you should post it or not, and despite both being sort of wrong and both being things most people have done (well maybe not in forums, but in message groups and stuff), they are still different.

Anyway, I agree with tygersongbird, I think you should choose your words or tone better. I don't believe you meant to be rude, but the way you said some things is not very nice for the forum you are in. For example, when someone talked about how "eating a girl out" sounded disgusting, you said "Trust me it’s nothing short of amazing". You probably mean well but in a mainly asexual forum about asexuality it's kind of a dickish thing to say because we don't experience those things, and you know that. It won't make any difference to tell anyone it's amazing and to "trust you" when it's something they have made clear they don't feel. It is kind of like the whole "you will understand when you have it" thing sexual people sometimes say to us. No, we won't. And no, it's not amazing to us, no matter how much you tell us it is. Or when you said some people would view masturbating only and not having sex as selfish and how you'd rather have sex with someone else than yourself. I can see you don't mean to be offensive and you are just stating your experiences as an allo (which is totally ok) but the way you say it sounds a bit condescending. Even if it's not what you meant, I could see people reading these statements, especially the latter. as sort of passive agressive towards asexuality. I'm not trying to start a fight or anything, I just think you should maybe have worded your replies better.

I will try and choose my words more carefully. However, you have looked for my replies to state your case but not properly researched the other persons but you claimed that they were ok.

Let me give you just a taste of what I mean.

 

A sexual person creates a thread about responsive sexual desire in the correct area of this forum. The 1st response from said person is....

 

In other news, water is wet, people die if they are killed, and get this -- Darth Vader is actually Luke Skywalker's dad.

 

I think this is far more dismissive and antagonistic than “trust me it’s nothing short of amazing”

 

I won’t Labour the point any further but there have been several others from that same individual.  If people don’t like my posts, perhaps they should challenge others who are equally dismissive about people’s feelings.

 

 

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Muledeer

Yesterday I read a news article about a fraternity that had a "pig roast" contest amongst their pledges.  There were prizes for the most girls, the most pounds and the heaviest sexual conquest.  At first I laughed, but, really, I think it just another sick fucking way to demean good people.  I really don't understand that level of cruelty.

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Philip027

 

Quote

A sexual person creates a thread about responsive sexual desire in the correct area of this forum. The 1st response from said person is....

 

In other news, water is wet, people die if they are killed, and get this -- Darth Vader is actually Luke Skywalker's dad.

My typical style of response to "studies" which state the fucking obvious.  It wasn't even a jab at the OP, because even the OP recognized too that it was obvious.

 

I utilize a lot of sarcasm and snark.  It's my coping mechanism, particularly against a world that apparently has the need to waste a lot of time and potentially money "proving" things everyone already knows.  If you don't care for it, blacklist me and move on, because it ain't about to stop.

 

This is getting really off-topic so this is the last response I'm going to make here in this regard.

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