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Things Aces find weird

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blueheroness

How can people can decide someone is sexy without seeing them clearly? My sister and I were debating whether or not a girls boyfriend was hot but the only pic we had showed only part of the guy's face....like eyebrows and up and I was totally confused! How could she have a solid opinion that this guy could be attractive from this picture!?! It showed half his body too so I was like...the most I can say is he is tall. And she just paused and looked at me and said "ok miss Ace just trust me on this" and then we just started laughing!!! I forgot for a minute that I was Ace and that was why this conversation made no sense to me 🤣🤣🤣

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Moon6Shadow
On 2/6/2018 at 7:25 AM, Ortac said:

I don't understand how someone can get pregnant, or get someone else pregnant, supposedly "by accident". 

 

"oh dear, our underwear inadvertently fell off and our private parts made contact with each other and now we've made a baby, but we didn't mean to it was only an accident... " 

 

Really!?

Laughing. Oh this is great. XD So many stories and fics, although maybe not so funny in real life. o.o

-

All the fuss about dating yep that I do not get.

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Moon6Shadow
On 9/17/2019 at 12:24 PM, blueheroness said:

How can people can decide someone is sexy without seeing them clearly? My sister and I were debating whether or not a girls boyfriend was hot but the only pic we had showed only part of the guy's face....like eyebrows and up and I was totally confused! How could she have a solid opinion that this guy could be attractive from this picture!?! It showed half his body too so I was like...the most I can say is he is tall. And she just paused and looked at me and said "ok miss Ace just trust me on this" and then we just started laughing!!! I forgot for a minute that I was Ace and that was why this conversation made no sense to me 🤣🤣🤣

I think it's an 'this part looks good so the rest of it must look good too' type mentality eg. if someone's top half is fit then their bottom half likely is too.

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Moon6Shadow
On 3/16/2018 at 7:25 AM, SallyBlackwater said:

The fact that it's considered acceptable and even expected to spend a lot of money on a first date. It would be absurd even as a sexual person honestly, but sometimes I hear retellings of first dates that end with "oh, I spent so much money and didn't even get laid" which makes me think... are people (mostly guys though) really willing to spend that much money if the goal is to have sex? Weeeeird.... 

and yet there is so much social shamming at the idea of paying someone for sex...

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Moon6Shadow
On 3/11/2018 at 12:39 PM, Robin Hood said:

I have two that bother me a lot.

2. Work place romances. I'm not sure if this is an asexual thing or not, but I don't understand why you would do that? Don't wipe your feet where you eat! 

Probably because they see those people all the time and are around them a lot of the time. From a logical workplace perspective it makes no sense, but realistically it makes a lot of sense because you are highly likely to see them often and get to know them unlike some random date you might go on and see someone one time. The reason I get on so well with one of my friends is because we are workplace friends so we see each other at work. It's far easier to have a friendly relationship with someone I see at work rather then someone I have to make an effort to go out and meet up with socially (low spoons and low social interest). So I imagine it's the same with romantic relationships since people have far longer then one or two dates to get to know and see if they like each other. Also probably allows them to get to know each other better, on a date you might be dressing up and on your best behaviour, at work you might have a better change at seeing what someone is like long term.

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I'm No One
On 3/15/2018 at 5:25 PM, SallyBlackwater said:

The fact that it's considered acceptable and even expected to spend a lot of money on a first date. It would be absurd even as a sexual person honestly, but sometimes I hear retellings of first dates that end with "oh, I spent so much money and didn't even get laid" which makes me think... are people (mostly guys though) really willing to spend that much money if the goal is to have sex? Weeeeird.... 

The fact that dating has essentially become a legal and socially acceptable form of prostitution is disgusting to me. 

Speaking of prostitution, I don't understand that either. Frankly, the idea of using sex as a form of currency just seems weird. I know that people really like sex, I just don't get why they would pay for it. If you really want it that badly I don't think it would be too difficult to find a willing partner who would do it for free. And I won't even get into the ethical issues.

 

Getting back to dating, am I the only one who doesn't like the "third date rule"? Even if I weren't ace I'd still think that's way too soon.

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œddy
4 hours ago, I'm No One said:

The fact that dating has essentially become a legal and socially acceptable form of prostitution is disgusting to me. 

Speaking of prostitution, I don't understand that either. Frankly, the idea of using sex as a form of currency just seems weird. I know that people really like sex, I just don't get why they would pay for it. If you really want it that badly I don't think it would be too difficult to find a willing partner who would do it for free. And I won't even get into the ethical issues.

 

Getting back to dating, am I the only one who doesn't like the "third date rule"? Even if I weren't ace I'd still think that's way too soon.

Reminds me of a concept I heard in a game called 'kindness coins' where you play as the recipient of all the advances of the protagonist

There's more to a relationship than just being kind through nice words or spending money on them. Women are not some kind of slot machine which you stuff with kindness coins until sex pops out.

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SithGirl

I don't really get cheating. I understand why, if you're married so politically, financially, and maybe religiously dependent on a person you're no longer interested in romantically or sexually, but when you're not married and are just dating, why? Why not just tell them and break it off? Or talk to them about wanting multiple partners? 

 

I also don't get why so many people focus on another person's attractiveness. Like I was reading r/AskReddit stories where attractive women are so inconvenienced by men because of their looks. Or about how people are judged differently because of them. Or how obsessed teenaged girls are over cute actors or classmates. Just... don't you want to know his personality first? Or know if they have a head on their shoulders? Or what their political/social beliefs are?

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SithGirl
4 hours ago, I'm No One said:

Speaking of prostitution, I don't understand that either. Frankly, the idea of using sex as a form of currency just seems weird. I know that people really like sex, I just don't get why they would pay for it. If you really want it that badly I don't think it would be too difficult to find a willing partner who would do it for free. And I won't even get into the ethical issues.

I wouldn't consider using sex as currency the same as prostitution. And even then, it's just trading. Someone wants something like a cow, you have a cow and are willing to give it to them but want to be repaid somehow. Before currency, this was how things worked. You trade one thing for another. For some people, sex is what they're willing to offer. 

 

But prostitution is having sex for money. So basically, someone wants sex and can't have it with someone around them, why not pay another for it if the person is willing? They want money, you want sex, where's the downside?  To me it's like paying someone to paint your fence. You can't do it (well enough) alone, and you don't know someone willing to help you for free, so you pay someone for it.

That's the ideal anyway, it being seen as immoral and made illegal causes problems like protection, PIMPing, etc. 

Incels prove your theory about it being not hard to find a willing partner wrong. It may be there fault, but there's probably a reason someone who desperately wants sex isn't having it.

 

The stigma against prostitution is what I don't understand. People need sex, so what's wrong about paying someone else for it? Or getting paid for it? We pay people to cut our hair, cook our food, and clean our houses, but sex is too far?

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œddy
35 minutes ago, SithGirl said:

The stigma against prostitution is what I don't understand. People need sex, so what's wrong about paying someone else for it? Or getting paid for it? We pay people to cut our hair, cook our food, and clean our houses, but sex is too far?

Sensible people shouldn't stigmatise the people in prostitution, its the people who sell it and who organise it who are the problem, as it can involve people trafficking, modern slavery, pimping, etc etc. Thankfully UK law here is quite good in that regard.

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lemon_lime

I havent read the whole thread, but I have kids, and its the only reason I had sex. Never had sex until I was 28 because I thought, "its time to have kids." For me its not related to being asexual at all. Unfortunately I had to have sex to have kids, but after the fact, now I just want to be a mother and being asexual doesn't stop me from being an excellent mother, if I do say so 😉.  But some people dont want to have kids and thats fine.

 

There are sooo many things I dont understand, like wanting to have sex obviously. 😂 And like someone said, cheating. I am married and I barely want to have sex with him let alone someone else! 🤮 Obviously a lot of sexual people are also against cheating, but the idea that it would even cross someones mind, let alone actually act on it, confuses me. Indulging in prostitutes. Like, you want it so bad you have to stoop to that? Why? How could it possibly be that good? Its not, just use your hand. Save yourself the time, effort, money, STDs. Completely boggles me. 

 

I also have a lot of trouble watching sex on TV. I hear people say its to bring in the ratings. What?! This is making me want to see it less, not more! I was a big fan of Game of Thrones, but I always wished they'd make a edited version without the sex. The violence is fine, just no sex please. I usually love the premium channel TV shows, but there have a been a few that I couldnt watched because of the sex. Depending on how its handled it could make me sick.

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lemon_lime
19 hours ago, SithGirl said:

 

 

The stigma against prostitution is what I don't understand. People need sex, so what's wrong about paying someone else for it? Or getting paid for it? We pay people to cut our hair, cook our food, and clean our houses, but sex is too far?

 I didnt read the whole thread first but I see prostitution has been mentioned. I dont really have a moral or ethical problem with prostitution. I just dont understand why its such a demand! 🙄

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I'm No One
3 minutes ago, lemon_lime said:

Unfortunately I had to have sex to have kids

Technically, you don't have to have sex to have kids. There's adoption, artificial insemination, etc. But I suppose it's the simplest and most straightforward way to do it without having to jump through a bunch of hoops, not to mention the expense

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lemon_lime
3 minutes ago, I'm No One said:

Technically, you don't have to have sex to have kids. There's adoption, artificial insemination, etc. But I suppose it's the simplest and most straightforward way to do it without having to jump through a bunch of hoops, not to mention the expense

Haha yes, youre right. And I didnt know I was asexual back then. I thought I was just being ridiculous not wanting to have sex with my husband before that point and needed to suck it up. I wouldnt have been able to tell him, 'I want kids but lets do it the hard way,' Haha. I cant imagine.

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SithGirl
11 minutes ago, lemon_lime said:

 I didnt read the whole thread first but I see prostitution has been mentioned. I dont really have a moral or ethical problem with prostitution. I just dont understand why its such a demand! 🙄

Because people like sex? Again, I see it like a service. Hair dressers and restaurants are in much more demand than prostitutes. Pornographic material is more in demand, and my only issue with that is not wanting to see it so often (here in Japan, that is. In the States it's not a problem but holy hell do I not need to see a woman's boobs when I'm browzing the comic books at the convenience store). 

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lemon_lime
On 2/9/2018 at 1:24 PM, MissMoth42 said:

Honestly I think some things that are being mentioned in this topic don't have much to do with asexuality or sexuality... The main example that comes to mind is when someone talked about revealing clothing. Like, yeah, I get where you would see the relationship but at the same time, while I don't really wear crop tops or miniskirts I do wear shorts, leggings, tank tops and such things sometimes, and I would probably wear the former two as well if I were thinner (I'm a bit chubby). I'm ace and I don't really do it (or would do it) because I want to be found attractive, it's because I think I look nice when I wear that, and I don't want other people's desire or whatever to stop me from enjoying my clothing and from looking in the mirror and saying "I look nice today and my legs are pretty in this" or similar things. I do it for me, not for others. Not because I think I'm gonna look "sexy" to random dudes, but because I think I look prettier, more like an aesthetic thing.

I used to wear more revealing clothes until I realized that people might think I looked sexy. I just wore what I liked. The idea that anyone could just look at me and think sexual thoughts about me without my permission completely horrified me and then I stopped. I never even realized that that might be happening until I was embarrassingly old. Like early 30s.

 

On 2/9/2018 at 1:24 PM, MissMoth42 said:

But as for a thing I don't really get it would certainly be this kind of aggressive or violent sex. Not even BDSM level, just choking and slapping and stuff. I know not all allosexuals like those specific things but most seem to prefer some degree of agreessiveness (well, at least from what I've seen), even just little things like pulling hair.

This one probably depends on the person. I find a certain amount of restraint helps me to enjoy sex. Like being held down or choked. Like it makes me focus on just my husband and how much I trust him and the emotional side of our relationship instead of the phsyical while it is happening. I dont enjoy pain tho.

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lemon_lime
3 minutes ago, SithGirl said:

Because people like sex? Again, I see it like a service. Hair dressers and restaurants are in much more demand than prostitutes. Pornographic material is more in demand, and my only issue with that is not wanting to see it so often (here in Japan, that is. In the States it's not a problem but holy hell do I not need to see a woman's boobs when I'm browzing the comic books at the convenience store). 

Yeah, probably listing this one was redundant. It just comes down to me not understanding why people like sex in general. Haha 😂

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lemon_lime
On 3/10/2018 at 5:07 PM, Winter McCoy said:

One thing I don’t get as a sex-averse asexual, is asexuals with kinks. Like, if you don’t feel sexually attracted to the person you’re being kinky with and you’re not that interested in sex, then aren’t you really just a dude in a rubber dog suit getting spanked by a stranger for absolutely no reason at all?!

 

Obviously this makes sense to sexual people, but that’s just how I see it. 

 

 

I have never participated in BDSM to that extent, and never with anyone besides my husband. But I find a certain amount of restraint helps me to enjoy sex. Like being held down or choked. It makes me focus on just my husband and how much I trust him and the emotional side of our relationship instead of the physical while it is happening. Doing it with a stranger definitely seems to defeat the purpose to me.

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songchick
On 2/5/2018 at 9:09 AM, tygersongbird said:

Have you ever felt there are some things you simply can not understand as an asexual? Like, why do people even?

 

I have often felt this for the longest time, and I never had anybody to discuss that with. So, I was just thinking of starting a thread for this. Maybe some of us can get those things out. It doesn't have to be sexual things. It can be anything in life whatsoever.

 

So, I'll start it off.

 

I could never understand 2 things really: 

 

1) The need to have a baby. I'm sorry I don't understand why people have such an enormous desire to have children. I don't understand why it's everything in life for some people. Call me close-minded, but I just could never understand why people would ever want to have kids. Maybe I just don't have the paternal instincts or something. I just don't see why people would want to have children. I just believe there are other better things to do. Again, call me close-minded. My opinion is just my own, though. Don't get offended by it.

 

2) 2nd thing: Duke College girl sex list

 

Yeah, seriously. 

 

Do sexual people really think like that? Like, you are graded on some sort of sex score sheet as to how good in bed you are? Do people really do that?  It seems really piggish, trashy and demeaning to me to judge people only for their bedroom abilities. To call someone out for shortcomings and whatnot. After all, what if they are a great person and they truly just "love you?" It's like being lowered to being only good for your genitals. And is that how people really judge you as a good partner? Whether or not you would be good at sex? Aren't there other things that matter deep down, like internal qualities? I don't get why sex is seen as such a huge deal. Or "sexual compatibility" for that matter. What does that even mean? It's like all a person is a commodity to that point, like buying a car. I don't get it. Then again, I'm not a sexual person, am I?

 

 

So, yeah, those are some things I simply don't get. What are some things you simply don't get, personally? What are some things you find weird?

 

I actually personally know the person who wrote this article on the Duke College girl sex list.  Funny!

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fooledbysecrecy

i simply find the whole idea of sex weird. i mean i get it as a biological means to procreate and i understand you can feel pleasure from stimulating nerve endings but why do you need another person there when you could take care of it yourself why would you wanna touch other people's bits why would you want to put your MOUTH on other people's genitals??? oral sex is probably the one that's always confused me the most. like.. why???

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Evobessive

The obsession of pushing a romantic subplot into everything. I mean, I'm not aromantic, so I'm not averse to romance, (but often these romance subplots do lead to unnecessary sex scenes, so there's that) but there are some times where I'm just like 'why does this have to be here'. I love a good well constructed romantic subplot, but some of them feel so forced and tacked on to the story. And I don't understand why they have to be there, isn't the story just interesting enough on it's own? I also find it really understand the difference between seeing and going out with someone and how one can lead to you dating multiple people and one doesn't, that might be due to my inexperience with relationships though.

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Evobessive
6 hours ago, fooledbysecrecy said:

i simply find the whole idea of sex weird. i mean i get it as a biological means to procreate and i understand you can feel pleasure from stimulating nerve endings but why do you need another person there when you could take care of it yourself why would you wanna touch other people's bits why would you want to put your MOUTH on other people's genitals??? oral sex is probably the one that's always confused me the most. like.. why???

That's so true, when I heard about oral I was like eww! why would you put that in your mouth? That's so gross! People laugh but I just get so confused about why people want to do it, I mean you eat with that, just why? And yeah, I don't know why people get so excited about sex, I mean I know it releases dopamine and stimulates pleasure but so do so many other things.

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Darth Plagueis the Wise
On 10/3/2019 at 9:53 PM, SithGirl said:

Because people like sex? Again, I see it like a service. Hair dressers and restaurants are in much more demand than prostitutes. Pornographic material is more in demand, and my only issue with that is not wanting to see it so often (here in Japan, that is. In the States it's not a problem but holy hell do I not need to see a woman's boobs when I'm browzing the comic books at the convenience store). 

That last part I agree with a lot. I like comic books, video games, etc but the amount of times that females in comic books where at least part of that is showing irritates me. I want to see gods getting punched to death, people going faster than light, magic, etc and not lumps of fat in the human body.

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CancerIsAStarsign

The girls in my school insisting on wearing their uniform skirts way up instead of 3 inches above the knee like you're supposed to. I asked a friend why and she responded that she didn't want to look like a pilgrim.

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SithGirl
1 hour ago, CancerIsAStarsign said:

The girls in my school insisting on wearing their uniform skirts way up instead of 3 inches above the knee like you're supposed to. I asked a friend why and she responded that she didn't want to look like a pilgrim.

Lol yeah, because I need to see your ass for you to not look like a pilgrim. wth?

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SallyBlackwater

Not inherently an ace thing, most likely some allos think the same, but I can't really understand flirting. My idea of flirting with someone I like is basically smiling to them a lot and trying to chat with them a bit more than I normally would, maybe cracking a joke or something like that, and generally trying to look good appearance-wise and skills-wise. Anything more than that just seems ridiculous and so out of character for me. Especially since, as a female, sometimes what is considered as "flirting" is actually "acting like a goddamn idiot who has two brain cells left, and they're currently dancing the macarena". And the thing is, sometimes it works, and I don't understand how 😧

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SoItGoes
On 2/5/2018 at 8:45 AM, Rhaenys said:

4.) Why do serial killers and school shooters have fandoms where a lot of women sexualize them?

Is that a real thing? 

Who on earth would find that attractive

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cp1213
41 minutes ago, SoItGoes said:

Is that a real thing? 

Who on earth would find that attractive

*cough* *cough* Heathers *cough* *cough* 

 

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SoItGoes
4 hours ago, cp1213 said:

*cough* *cough* Heathers *cough* *cough* 

 

People were attracted to JD even when he killed all those people? Big oof.

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Blake23

I don’t want kids I don’t want yours and I hate them they’re annoying aha like why have ‘em 😂

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