American Cultural "sexy" things -- do you tend to dislike these things on YOU

[daisylove]

Maybe this is a little bit of an obvious question, but it was sparked by the gender neutral human that posted here in older asexuals. 

 

It got me thinking that I dislike my bigger boobs because they are sexuality "markers" (not sure if thats the correct term, but I'm gonna roll with it) and I really would LOVE to have them be smaller because I really do hate any attention that they may attract. Its not all things that people consider "sexy" (which I realize is highly subjective) but speaking for myself, to me long hair is considered stereotypically sexy, but it doesnt bother me in the same way. I could do without makeup too other than anything thats enhancing like concealer or a lipstick that looks mostly just like my lips. 

 

I'm not sure if I'm making sense, or maybe its just a girl thing? Maybe its not a "thing" at all? IDK what do you cake eaters think? 

[Prufrock, but like, worse]

Bodies are a blight on the world, we should be uploaded.

[Nebulous]

I have something of an hourglass figure (broad shoulders, smaller chest, tiny waist and wide hips). I'm also very slim. Both of these attributes, according to my experiences, are sexually "desirable". I hate flaunting them, however, so I typically wear loose-fitting clothes.

[Guest]

I think it's pretty easy to avoid looking like you intentionally tried to look sexy. That requires a lot more effort because it means heavy makeup.

 

I've reached the conclusion that people will try to turn anything sexual in their heads so it's not worth it to care too much.

[Lucas Monteiro]

As I'm male, I don't need to worry too much about the whole "sexy" thing happening, at least not as much as women have to. I do think that you are making a lot of sense, and if you look at some threads you will see some asexual women talking about the same topic and how they wouldn't want to be labeled as sexy or something similar. But just like @Wish Bear 🌠 said, people can in the end turn anything sexual in their head and it's not worth to care or think about it (even if it's hard to forget).

[Kylocks]

I like looking good, but I hate feeling like I'm sexy if that makes sense. I also dislike my chest (both on principle because I dislike the idea that attention is drawn to it and because I don't feel like it quite matches up with how un-ladylike I feel but oh well). I enjoy clothes that look good on me, whether those clothes are stereotypically for boys or girls but I hate exposing a lot of skin expecially around my chest. It's just awkward and uncomfortable. 

[Spotastic]

This is actually part of the whole "Go Topless" movement. The aim is to try to desexualize breasts and get things to where women can go topless as easily as men can. Because of how sexualized they already are, however, it's a long road to their objective; and a lot of people see it as they just want to flaunt their stuff. 

[daisylove]

22 minutes ago, Spotastic said:

This is actually part of the whole "Go Topless" movement. The aim is to try to desexualize breasts and get things to where women can go topless as easily as men can. Because of how sexualized they already are, however, it's a long road to their objective; and a lot of people see it as they just want to flaunt their stuff. 

A way long road! I dont think I would go topless even if they were "desexualized". I like being covered up. Perhaps its a two-fold reason for me as I also find large boobs cumbersome and annoying, so theres that. 

 

I dont like seeing shirtless men either come to think of it. Actually most nudity grosses me out lol. I guess thats another thread. 

[Lucas Monteiro]

51 minutes ago, Spotastic said:

This is actually part of the whole "Go Topless" movement. The aim is to try to desexualize breasts and get things to where women can go topless as easily as men can. Because of how sexualized they already are, however, it's a long road to their objective; and a lot of people see it as they just want to flaunt their stuff. 

I don't think it will work as much as the movement would like to and to be honest it may never work at least entirely. It's just part of the evolutionary response to think and see breasts as something sexual and no matter how you try to put in a different angle, people who are sexual will continue doing sexualization over it. In fact, as others have said, people can sexualize everything. But it's truly sad to know that women can't do what they want just because some men and women can't think outside of the primitive way of thinking, but there will always be something on the way to block advance on the human ideas and concepts and to go out of the same pattern, we have to try. So in the end, I would not say to give up the movement, but just not expect that you can control the entire narrative, when some of the actors wouldn't have the same line as you to read.

[Yeast]

14 hours ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said:

I've reached the conclusion that people will try to turn anything sexual in their heads so it's not worth it to care too much.

Quite true. I've never intentionally tried to be attractive. A shirt, jeans and tennis shoes are all I need. Cut the legs off the old pair and wear a t-shirt during the summer.  However there have been several occasions in which I appear to have strongly attracted the attention of men. Again, this wasn't intentional on my part. If I had to guess it may have been the way I acted. I can be assertive in a non-arrogant way and I believe this show of confidence is sexually attractive to some people. Then there was the time I went job hunting in an expensive business suit and made it clear I expected an interview. The secretarial pool began hitting on me like hungry piranhas. I found it vaguely amusing. 

[Guest]

I actively avoid wearing clothes that would make me seem sexy, like anything with cleavage. Though I'd love to wear some of it just because I feel good in them, I don't want people to look at me *that* way.

[Muledeer]

The way I dress or wear my hair are for my own comfort, warmth or utility.  I really don't give a rip whether others think it is sexy or not. The way I present myself matters (mostly) to me.

Thus the freedom of being asexual and knowing it!

[Cameo Capri]

I love dressing up sexy once in a while! But it's cetainly in the vein of cute, not like a prostitute or anything!

[Followingyou]

I look great with sexy stuff but its like why, I don't see the point and find it to be dumb.

[smack12776]

I don't really dislike anything that's a part of me but features that I would consider to be "attention-grabbing" I tend to downplay.

 

I don't wear make-up, as in ever, save for eyeliner and mascara on rare occasions.

 

My hair is shaved bald.

 

I REFUSE to be caught in styles of clothing that feel overtly feminine (in my opinion) which includes dresses, leggings, shirts with frills, etc.

 

And to echo what Muledeer mentioned, I tend to go for timeless looks that are comfortable yet stylish.  I don't feel it's strictly a "female" thing, I feel it's cultural and, to some extent, may also be biological.

 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Never liked the sexy stuff, it's rarely comfortable to wear!If you don't feel comfortable, how can you be sexy?

[ElasticPlanet]

I always wanted to be (and feel) as attractive as I could, but felt I was failing at it. Now I know why.

 

If I'd had the split attraction model when I first needed it, I'd have known that I wanted people to be aesthetically and romantically, but not sexually, attracted to me. As I am to them. If I'd known of nonbinary gender I'd have been able to look for ways to present myself differently, that didn't make me feel so inferior to nearly all the people I was attracted to.

[ladywacko]

I have ridiculous self image issues (gawd, I’m going to be in therapy forEVER) and I only feel “worthy” if people find me sexually appealing. Straight up stupid, since I don’t want any sexual contact, but yes, I like flaunting my assets because it gives me an illusion of power and worth. 

[.diva plavalaguna.]

Well...I don't like backless anything on me (I guess that's a "sexy thing.") Mostly because my skin is really bad. Why would I show that off? I can't wear anything with low shoulders or a neckline that's too deep. My boobs aren't quite tiny and my ass isn't quite a pancake, but neither are big enough to be considered attractive, either (as I realized when I was with two girls who had the former quality and they got attention for it). That kinda makes me feel insecure, but at the same time I don't want the bother of having to find clothes to fit larger proportions like that.

[Karst]

On 3/16/2018 at 7:59 AM, ElasticPlanet said:

I always wanted to be (and feel) as attractive as I could, but felt I was failing at it. Now I know why.

 

If I'd had the split attraction model when I first needed it, I'd have known that I wanted people to be aesthetically and romantically, but not sexually, attracted to me. As I am to them. If I'd known of nonbinary gender I'd have been able to look for ways to present myself differently, that didn't make me feel so inferior to nearly all the people I was attracted to.

It's hard to find clothes that others will find aesthetically attractive but not sexy. More to the point, it's just hard to predict how someone else's aesthetic sense will perceive things.

[Frogster]

I hate wearing make-up. I have tried it a couple of times. It is not for me.

[artzcat]

.

[Dawning]

On March 16, 2018 at 4:59 AM, ElasticPlanet said:

If I'd had the split attraction model when I first needed it, I'd have known that I wanted people to be aesthetically and romantically, but not sexually, attracted to me. As I am to them. 

Yes, that's exactly how I feel! If someone is sexually attracted to me, and I let them be around me, I'm going to have to be fending them off sexually at some point, which obviously I don't want. I do want people to find me attractive, because attractive people have much easier and better lives in pretty much every way, and I'd like someone to be romantically attracted to me so that I could have those relationship benefits without crossing over into the stuff that I can't stand.

[ElasticPlanet]

On 7/9/2018 at 11:42 PM, Ardoise said:

It's hard to find clothes that others will find aesthetically attractive but not sexy.

Ah - looks like I definitely didn't provide enough details last time round... I wasn't talking about wanting to present myself in a way that would make people aesthetically and romantically, but not sexually, attracted to me. I was trying to say that I wanted to be attractive in some generic sense, but I didn't know at the time that my definition of attraction was different from most other people's. I can now look back on it and say that out of the several kinds of attraction we talk about on this site today, the one I don't experience is sexual attraction. The specific thing that we, here, now, call sexual attraction, is something I had no idea existed until I was in my late 30s.

 

I can now see that probably the main reason I didn't feel attractive enough is that I was never offered any escape from a male identity and presentation that I did not want. It never really occurred to me that I was supposed to want it or that my desire for escape was unusual; I knew too little to be able to do anything to improve my situation.

[shoshi coast]

This is an interesting discussion! I'm petite and have always been thankful to have a sort of slim body rather than one that was curvy and "sexy". I actually wear a sports bra daily to make my small breasts look even smaller, even though my ex used to tell me that was odd. I never understood why I felt this way, but it makes sense now that I realize I have always been trying to make my body look childlike or "sex neutral" because I didn't want sexual attention.

 

I actually enjoy fashion and make-up- I love colours and aesthetic beauty- and always hope to be able to look pretty without looking "sexy". I'm in my mid-30s now and already notice that this is getting easier as I age. At least our culture's problematic glorification of youth is benefiting someone.

[here_on_the_morrow]

I have large boobs and wear a lot of cleavage-baring spaghetti-strap tank tops because i find them comfortable in the heat of my geographic area. If people feel sexual things because of it, that's on them. It's not my problem, i'm just trying to be comfortable. I just don't pay attention to people who ogle. The world is often a sexual place around me and i've just gotten used to doing my own thing in the midst of it. 

[Joe Guzman]

I do weightlifting and people naturally and understandably think I do it, at least in part, to be attractive. When I tell them it's for my health (we'd need a whole other thread to detail the chemical abuse I put myself thru back in the day) I get skeptical looks. When I add that there's an element of artistic expression, they seem to think they were right in the first place (attention). And, of course, on a hot day, if I'm wearing a tank top, good luck explaining that away. (You'd think, reading this, I get approached constantly. Not true. But it has come up on conversation.) And being older (55) I'm a little more careful about my appearance because nothing looks worse than an old person who's completely let themselves go. In the end, I think you just have to know yourself and your reasons for looking a particular way. I don't want to look attractive for sexual reasons, but I don't think there's anything wrong or ace/aro hypocritical with wanting to be pleasant to look at. Also, I've got several tattoos, all of which I designed myself, and I admit I like showing them off. If they or my bod turns someone on, fine . . . but not my problem. 

[Ryoko]

This may sound contradictory, but it is what it is... I like to show off my body. I'm a natural hourglass, I lift weights, I'm slim, and I like how I look. I don't wear anything too revealing, but I do wear clothes that conform to my body shape. I wear some makeup, but only about 5 minutes' worth--I don't spend time on it if it's inconvenient and I don't do anything with my hair besides washing and brushing. I like it when I turn heads, but I don't like it when men stare. Now, lingerie is out. I have no use for that.

 

On a related note, I work in an office environment in the US, and clothing that is considered "professional" for women is often on the body conforming and somewhat revealing side. (I don't mean ALL, like a full business suit is obviously a full cover, but much of it.) Women who don't dress like that are also considered looking less professional. That sucks.

[TigerBalm]

I guess I wrestle with my attitude toward mine, as sexual markers. I don't mind if a romantic partner has something nice to say about them. I despise unsolicited remarks from douchebags.

[LadyOracle]

I'm more of a 'yeah, I have breasts, so what?' type. I wear stuff I like and tbh I love warm weather and not having to wear a lot of clothes, they're uncomfortable or itchy or too hot or whatever, and I love the feeling of the sun and wind or even rain on my skin. If I had a good figure I'd probably wear next to nothing lol.

 

At home I usually wear leggings and a tank top, and go to the supermarket like that but feel kind of bad about it because you're not really supposed to go outside like that but then I think 'why should I care' because it's crazy to put on different clothes and make-up just to buy groceries, right?