Confusion: Need Insight/Advice

[dragonsoul]

Let's see if I can make this as easily understandable as possible as well as a not so long story. So my crush and I (who aren't technically together, and I call him a crush because of the fact that's what he is at the moment and he is aware of how I feel.) together due to the fact he recently moved to another state, but we have history. We first met in high school and at the time he was bi-sexual as far as I was aware, but I had only known him to ever date females. At some point after I graduated (he is a year or two younger than me) we had a falling out and lost contact with each other. I recently (within the last year) reconnected with him and it seems/seemed like he was still interested in me (a heterosexual female; just inserting details) and we have been talking and flirting a lot back and forth. Here is where I'm a bit confused and need some insight. So I recently noticed and wasn't aware of this that on my crush's facebook page almost all of his profile photos have the asexual flag/colors as a border. I didn't really know what it was for and thought he was just supporting that community. First a little details on me. I am, as a I said, a heterosexual/hetero-romantic female. My sexuality can go from 0% (pretty much celibate) to 100% (almost like sex addict) depending on if I'm in a relationship, how often I get to spend time with my partner, and my mood.  So here's where my confusion is: often times I don't hear from my crush for days/week(s) at a time due to his work.  But often if I do speak to him the conversation is often sexual related. Now I don't mind some sexting and dirtying flirting, I would like to talk more about other things, but I go with what I'm given. But he often seems to respond more often to my sexual comments or sends me rather "sexual" comments/photos. I'm just confused on if he's asexual or finding himself (becoming more informed about being an asexual) why would he be so "sexual" with me. If he is actually asexual I don't want him to think that all I will ever want from him is sex. I have my own ways of dealing with my own sexual needs. I just don't want him to feel pressured, IF anything relationship wise comes about, to be sexual with me if he doesn't. I would never push someone to physically be with me if they don't want to be. Hell (pardon my language), I myself when am in my "celibate" mood/mode don't like any physical contact or feel uncomfortable when viewing anything such as porn. So I'm just kind of confused and lost about this situation. I'm honestly more nervous or afraid to ask him because I don't want him to think that I would think badly about it. I would support him no matter what. I just need a little insight and not sure what to think. 

 

P.s. To me, just from my perspective, he seems very sexual for someone who is now asexual. This is just my confusion. 

[roland.o]

Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, dragonsoul! I'm glad you found this place. Have some cake... :-)

 

8 minutes ago, dragonsoul said:

I'm just confused on if he's asexual or finding himself

That's simple: ask him. Straight to the point.

 

9 minutes ago, dragonsoul said:

why would he be so "sexual" with me.

Talking or texting sex isn't being sexual. Maybe he's trying to blend in. Maybe he is sex positive. Maybe he thinks it's what you expect, because he doesn't know better. Asexuals can have a libido, get aroused, masturbate. They just don't desire to get another person involved. Maybe he's got sex on his mind when texting or flirting with you. But that doesn't necessarily mean he's actually interested in going beyond the talking.

 

The best way to find out is to ask him. And feel free to suggest some alternative topics for your conversations :-)

 

All the best to both of you!

[TheAP]

Moved from Questions about Asexuality to For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality co-mod

[dragonsoul]

3 hours ago, roland.o said:

Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, dragonsoul! I'm glad you found this place. Have some cake... :-)

 

That's simple: ask him. Straight to the point.

 

Talking or texting sex isn't being sexual. Maybe he's trying to blend in. Maybe he is sex positive. Maybe he thinks it's what you expect, because he doesn't know better. Asexuals can have a libido, get aroused, masturbate. They just don't desire to get another person involved. Maybe he's got sex on his mind when texting or flirting with you. But that doesn't necessarily mean he's actually interested in going beyond the talking.

 

The best way to find out is to ask him. And feel free to suggest some alternative topics for your conversations :-)

 

All the best to both of you!

I read up on that but no he's very much a sexual person. That's why I'm confused he apparently considers himself a biromantic asexual. But when I went to see him, after not seeing him for years, I was actually the one who told him I didn't want to be sexually involved because I knew he was moving away. And he was actually the one who was getting rather "touchy feely". I personally feel, just from my observation and knowing him, like he may actually be a demisexual. I feel like he may not exactly understand what an asexual is. I just don't feel comfortable telling/asking him about that stuff. Not yet anyways. If it comes up then I'll talk about it, but for now I just don't feel comfortable asking him. And I'm sure he may not feel comfortable telling me. I'm not gonna push him. But yeah. 

 

and whatever relationship this is at the moment its difficult for me to ask him things and get a straight answer. so i'm not pushing too much to get him to tell me.