Not Knowing When People/You Are Flirting

[Skyy]

I’m often told that I flirt with people and I immediately begin to question if they were in the same conversation that I was, but everyone says it. I’m also terrible at picking up on flirting, I’ve been asked out by surprise many times! It’s a bad combination. I was just wondering how many other people are like this on AVEN and if it is possibly related to being asexual? (Which sounds silly, but i guess you never know and i am curious, so...)

Here’s a cake for participation:  Thanks

[Sleepy Skeleton]

I'm terrible at knowing when people are flirting with me. It actually gives me lots of anxiety, because if they're flirting with me I'd want them to stop. When I don't know how our relationship is, I don't know how to act.

[Zatarra]

I cant tell either although I doubt anyone would want to given my looks. No one has ever said that I am 'flirty'. If anything people (friends, acquaintances,etc) say I give off a very 'stoic vibe' the 'silent monk' type. I guess that is what other perceive of extreme aro-aces like me? That or they always say I appear too 'clam' and 'stoic'...but never flirty

[Lida_Rose]

I don't pick up when people flirt with me, and I've been told that I come across as flirty, like, all the time. I'm apparently a natural flirt . . . ? But I'm just making jokes and trying to be affable. Like, I try to be nice to everybody. I tend to joke around even more when I'm nervous or uncomfortable, which I am in pretty much every social situation. 

[KaceyCat]

I'm terrible at being able to tell if people are just being friendly or flirting. I've been approached by someone exactly twice, both in high school, and both times I assumed they were just teasing or joking. Both were just acquaintances, one was a guy known for being a bit of a flirt, the other was an upperclassman. I had really shitty self esteem at the time, so I just brushed both occasions off as them teasing or it being a stupid dare from their friends. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if they were being genuine and I brushed them off too harshly...Neither ever seemed less friendly with me afterward, so I doubt it. I'm never told I'm being flirty though, probably because I'm just weird and awkward even when I'm trying to be friendly.

[Skyy]

Lida_Rose Omg , That’s just like how I am! Apparently being nice to everyone is flirting? I don’t get it, lol 

[Yep, me]

9 minutes ago, Lida_Rose said:

I don't pick up when people flirt with me, and I've been told that I come across as flirty, like, all the time. I'm apparently a natural flirt . . . ? But I'm just making jokes and trying to be affable. Like, I try to be nice to everybody. I tend to joke around even more when I'm nervous or uncomfortable, which I am in pretty much every social situation. 

Your avatar is awesome!

[Lida_Rose]

Oh, thank you, Zenzencat104. The cat in my avatar is my kitty cat, Calvin~ 

 

Yeah, Skyy. Like, I think they think I'm being too nice, or maybe too cheery? And I can't just like helping people or be happy to be wherever I am, i guess? 

[Skyy]

Lida_Rose Your cat looks just like mine! Maybe a little bit fluffier, awww. My black cat is named Amythest. (People like to make fun of me for naming him that, lol, “Why did you name a black cat purple?”) 

 

 

[Lida_Rose]

I would say to those who ask why I name my black cat purple, "Because purple is the new black." XD And then have a hearty guffaw and ride off into the sunset with my kitty~ 

 

I seriously think the name Amethyst for a black kitty is adorable. 

[Dean.]

Often times I will say stuff thinking that that's how friends act towards each other, only to find out that it's flirting and I had no idea 

[Skyy]

Lida_Rose That’s great! I’m definitely stealing that to use in the future. *laughs evilly* *rides off into sunset with Ami*  Thanks. The best thing about his name is all of the nicknames I have for him- Ami, mi amo,Amibamy, etc. If I had Calvin I’d probably make mobster jokes and call him Vinny lol Cats are just so wonderful. I’ve often wanted to start up a cat shelter. 

[Grumpy Alien]

I’m not asexual so I didn’t vote but I’m clueless.

 

[Amber79]

It's fair to say I have no idea what flirting is, even though I've occasionally been accused of it.

[yonah]

I often miss sexual subtext in conversation so I don't notice when people are into me at all and sometimes people apparently take things I say that don't have any deeper meaning to be flirting so you are not alone! I do think it's related to me being aro/ace to some extent, but I have a lot of ace friends who can pick up on subtext so I don't know.

[Lida_Rose]

I should note that my heterosexual brother also can't pick up when people are flirting with him. So i'm pretty sure my inability to pick up on that is not just an ace thing. 

[XYZ96]

I don't even know if I'm good or bad at telling if someone is flirting, I'm pretty certain no one's ever flirted with me, and I don't care enough to watch other peoples conversations to try and figure out if anyone is flirting... 

And I don't think I've ever been accused of flirting either... 

[Skycaptain]

I've never flirted, wouldn't know if anyone flirts 

[IglooGreg]

When I was in high school, there was a girl in my cohort who was known for sleeping with most of the guys (no judgement from me, she can do what she wants). She wrote down her number and gave it to me during class one day, and I just accepted it like, "hey cool, this shows that we are pretty good friends". It wasn't until later that night I realised what her intentions were.

[neighway]

My best friend in high school would walk me to class every day, try to hold my hand, and actually kiss my head/cheek and it never occurred to me until like five years later that he could've liked me hahaha 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Odly enough, I can see when others are flirting with each other, but not when it's happening to me!

[J. van Deijck]

I'm that kind of a person who permanently has no clue I can't really say if other people are flirting with me, and at the same time I'm always being accused of it

[AquaBreezy]

If someone is nice and jokes to me, I'll be nice back. my sexuality was never a concern until a few friends asked me out (different times, to be clear), when I had never noticed them flirting. Also very awkward when friends are flirting and I don't notice and I try to join in on what I assume to be affectionate displays of friendship.

[Podsnap]

I thought a guy who works at our local supermarket had a crush on me because he was always really friendly to me when I shopped there but when I went up to talk to him one day while he was stacking shelves, he just looked confused and told me he has a neurological condition that makes facial recognition difficult for him and that he didn't recognize me. It was a humbling experience.

[Homer]

I don't flirt because I'm not interested.

I don't get flirted with because I look like a pound of ground pork.

 

However there have been situations where I have been accused of flirting and apparently there were situations where I was the target (as I got told later.) Maybe they lost a bet or something.

[kiaroskuro]

While I did suspect that other aces are like me in this respect, I'm surprised that only 3.3 % (so far) claim that they are 'fairly good' at telling when people are flirting with them. The asexual community always seems so very heterogeneous to me, but this 'flirt blindness' actually seems to be a common trait. Unless disproved by further evidence.

[Kitteη χ]

If anyone has ever flirted with me, or if I've ever witnessed anyone flirting with anyone else, I was completely and utterly oblivious.

 

In hindsight, I can identify one situation that may have been an attempt to flirt with me. One of my classmates a few years ago (I don't know if she acted like this around everyone or just me or what) would constantly talk to me and ask me questions about my life, once even asking if I was a virgin and if I had ever had a girlfriend. I was just trying to pay attention to the class, and tried to make it obvious I didn't want to talk to her, but she wouldn't stop. During this time, another classmate once said "I think she likes you", and at the time I was 100% sure that it was sarcastic, but now I'm not so sure. And now as I'm typing this, I'm thinking that if this isn't obvious, then I don't know what is, but I'm still not confident in even suggesting that this might have been flirting.

[Éadweard]

I can tell when someone is interested in me. I get an eerie feeling. Then I avoid them. I never flirt myself. 

[Divide By Zero]

Flirting?

 

What is that?

 

* scratches head and looks confused *

[groovygrievy]

I can tell if two people are flirting with each other, it is generally painfully obvious when others are flirting with other people. I cannot tell if you are flirting with me. You could use all the regular techniques that I can pick up when I'm not invovled and I won't be able to pick up on it. 

 

You know when person A complains about person B, because person B thought person A was flirting when person A was just being nice? For me it is more a case of:

Me: Person A was really nice,

Person C : Person A was flirting with you. 

Me: No person A was just being really nice. 

Person C : no, they were definitely flirting with you. 

Me: well then they should have said. 

Person C : that is not how regular people flirt. 

Me: I'm not regular. I'm like sheldon for sarcasm. If someone is flirting with me I need you to hold up a sign as confirmation. 

 

But when i try to flirt with someone people ask me what is wrong. So if anyone has any pointers of how to show affection without touching people as I sign that I like them that would be great. I'm not a fan of touching people I don't know or for them to touch me. My current method is to tell them I am flirting with them, or trying to flirt with them.