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Mixed relationship


allidoispvm

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I’ve been together with my girlfriend for about 5 months now. She’s an asexual and it’s really hard for me, cause right now we only hold hands, nothing more than that... no kissing or touching anywhere else (I tried to talk to her countless times if she was ok to compromise or an open r/s but it’s always a no)

 

A lot of times it feels to me like we’re just friends because of this... like I know she loves me and all but it’s really painful to be in this relationship particularly cause of my high sex drive...

 

I don’t wanna give up on us but it seems like we’re not compatible for each other... every time I think of her or look at her photo tears just roll down beyond my control... 

 

Sometimes I think to myself if we should be just friends... Since i would still be able to care for her, no difference right? Except that we won’t hold hands anymore...

 

Many times I try to run away from this pain by working or playing games... but I think it’s not a long term solution...

 

Should I just give up? ( I know she loves me but it feels like she doesn’t because if she does she wouldn’t be making me suffering like I am right now... but at the same time I know it’s not her fault because she said she’s not interested so she was probably born this way so I can’t blame her for it...)

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If this is how badly it's affecting you, it might really be best to give up :(

 

I doubt she'd want you to suffer - sometimes if you care about someone it's better to just let them go so that they can be themselves.

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You and I spoke about this on the 18th and I will say the same thing now as I said back then because nothing has changed.

 

Your relationship is unhealthy for you both, it is time to let go and move on.

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Mixed relationships are hard even when both sides are willing to compromise. In your case it seems there is no room for compromise which makes it even harder.

You might really love each other, but love doesn’t solve anything. You have to admit deep inside that things aren’t going to change – she will never ever be a sexual person, she will never satisfy your desires. So you can ask yourself, “How will I feel in this relationship in a year? In five or ten years?” Do you see yourself happy with her the way things are right now?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Bump... my gf now wants to break because I don’t spend enough time with her...

 

I’m meeting her on a daily basis but because I can’t spend time with her when she’s having her school CCA (as I have work commitments) she says she wants to break...

 

Reason being she said she can find someone who will accompany her instead... ( and at this point she will talk about her ex-lesbian who happened to study at the same school with her starting this year... who can accompany her without complains 24/7...)

 

due to some issues between her and her ex-lesbian, they had broken contact until they met one day in a mall a few months after we were together (I was there...) and it seemed clear that they were still interested in each other... she said she would never give up on her ex-lesbian as she had been with her for almost 5-6 years and there was no way she would give her up just for me... in the end she chose me over her ex-lesbian because our mentor(from church) made her decide between us... 

 

back when we started dating she said she wasn’t the clingy type and was ok meeting 2-3 times a week... but now meeting everyday isn’t enough, seems like I’ve to be a 24/7 boyfriend...

 

what should I do? We had quarrels because of this and I’ve talked to her about it but she still insists on her way... it is honestly beyond my control as I’m currently serving National Service(which is 2 years and compulsory for all males in Singapore, and I’m only left with 3 months...) 

 

I’ve taken almost all my leaves and a lot of sick leaves to pacify her and I’ve run out of options as my superior has began to investigate me for my medical leaves the past few months... 

 

Just yesterday she posted our picture on insta saying how much she cares about me(even though she sometimes act like she doesn’t) and she didn’t know what she did to deserve me... and today this happened...

 

Ive been to her school almost on a weekly basis for the past 2 months to try and pacify her whenever we had quarrels and even though it was tiring(physcially and on my wallet because I spend a lot on flowers and food...) I didn’t mind doing it... but I can’t even do that now cause I’ve run out of leaves and my superiors are cracking down on me due to my excessive taking of medical leave...

 

All along we were doing fine except for my needs which I’ve since pretty much forgone because I didn’t want to lose her... 

 

Can anyone give me advice on what to do? She has alr blocked me on almost all the social media as well... is it really time for me to give up? I can’t believe she’s doing this now when she told me she’d never leave me... 

 

 

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She is making the choice for you. Let her go man. She sounds like a lot of hassle with very little reward for you. She is not willing to respect your desires equally or be appreciative towards you. Go let her be someone else’s problem. 

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