What are aro people passionate about?

[KylaK]

Hi there,

I've decided to ask a question here, that really started bothering me lately. I'm a 26 years old aro ace, never been in a relationship and never want to be in one, not even a platonic one.

 

The thing is, that I don't really enjoy my job. It's okay, I can do it just fine, because it earns me the money I need. I don't hate it, but I don't love it either, which is okay, I think most of the people do.

The problem is, that these people have a family live when they get home and therefore have some purpose in life. I don't and I don't want to have a boyfriends or kids. I although don't think changing jobs would do much of a difference, or give it any more meaning.

 

So what I'm laking is something that really drives me, that I'm deeply intrested in. I do have a few hobbies that I enjoy very much, but nothing I'm absolutely passionate about. I've tried looking for things that I would enjoy, but so far couldn't come up with much.

 

I wondered if any of you have the same problem, that they are simply lacking something in life, or if that's just me. I need to change something, because watching netflix can't be a purpose in life. What do the acro ace people out there do if they happen to not live for their jobs?

[Lucy in the sky]

I guess it depends on the person...

I'm very artistic and passionate about such a way of expression. I draw and paint, write (mainly poetry), and I love music. When I listen to good music, sometimes it 'literally' soothes my soul and fills my heart with such joy that it makes me feel like I could fly

Give it some more time, eventually you'll stumble across something that brings you joy and that you're passionate about.

[Browncoat10]

1 hour ago, KylaK said:

watching netflix can't be a purpose in life.

I don't see why not! Admittedly I'm younger than you and want to be a screenwriter when I'm older, but even so, TV is a huge passion of mine, and I think a legitimate one.

[Homer]

Aro people are passionate about whatever they're passionate about. I don't think that your romantic orientation makes much of a difference. Romantic folks can be passionate about other things than their relationship just fine and I think that it's a different kind of passion than reading, writing, travelling or DIY anyway.

 

I'd suggest to keep exploring things you'd like to explore, but please try to not get desperate to find something you're passionate about. That's not how things work it'll probably just hit you... but then, it's okay if it doesn't. If there's something you enjoy, go for it!

[Baam]

Personally I'm passionate about my field of study, soon to be my career. Perhaps you could aim towards getting a job you enjoy more? Perhaps go (back?) to uni and try something new?

[Always looking for answers]

2 hours ago, KylaK said:

The thing is, that I don't really enjoy my job. It's okay, I can do it just fine, because it earns me the money I need. I don't hate it, but I don't love it either, which is okay, I think most of the people do.

Well I think you just hit the spot here. Just like you, I never really enjoyed my job. I used to work boring jobs, like working in a butcher's shop or factories. At the age of 26 I got sick of going to my work every day feeling 'alright' because I could just pay my rent. But in the meantime I spent over 40 hours a week on my job and finally it hit me: if I have to spend to much time at work, it better be a job I really like. 

So.... I went back to school at the age of 27. First tried social work, which I enjoyed when I was on internships but the study was still boring. After 4 yours (one year before I would graduate) I decided to switch to Law School. And from the first day I loved it! Finally some challenge, even though it's really hard some times. Finally I learn stuff I can actually use and I can't wait untill I graduate this summer so I can finally go to work and put everything I learned into practice. 
Of course my perspectives have changed, all for the better, an mostly in a  financial way.

Law is absolutely my passion. And knowing I'll have a job I'll truly enjoy, I don't think I would miss anything like a family. To be honest, at this point I would fear family would only hold me back. 

So my advice would be: find something you like and go back to school/university if you have a chance and find something you REALLY enjoy to build a carreer on that  

[Galactic Turtle]

Like I think others have said, being aro doesn't have much to do with being passionate about something. Personally I'm prone to becoming obsessed with things. In other words, I'm a hardcore fangirl. I've been obsessed with Star Wars since I was 12, WWE since I was 13 to around.... 17? And Korean pop music since age 14 (I'm 24 now). Of course things like anime, Linkin Park, and Japanese rock all happened at various points too. While I haven't lost interest entirely in these things, I don't follow them minute by minute anymore. On top of that I was lucky enough to be able to enter a field I'm really interested in that has me moving around a lot and mostly consists of people who (due to the nature of the job) really don't have settling down with someone high on their list of immediate priorities or else they'd have to change the nature of their work!

 

Of course people like my dad and lots of other folks I know don't understand fandom. I'm really not sure what people do all day when they're not a fan of something. @__@  That being said, whether you become a fan of something or not, I do hope you continue exploring things that might interest you!

[speculette]

49 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Personally I'm prone to becoming obsessed with things. In other words, I'm a hardcore fangirl.

I swear I came out the womb obsessing over fictional worlds. Nothing in my own reality has ever had the same effect on me as fiction, and I find that sometimes this affects me negatively in the sense that, I'll look up from the pages of a fantasy book, and reality will seem a whole lot bleaker and lacking in magic. I've always felt that my passions weren't really "passions" because they never actually involved me. I am a really passionate person (sometimes TOO passionate), but about fictional scenarios, fictional people. On good days, these fictional people will be of my own making, as I'm hoping to become a full time writer some day; but the majority of the time, I'm escaping my own life in favour of another, and I do think that is both a cause and an effect of my not having any real life friends.

 

This is just to say that I know where you're coming from OP. When I'm not in a daydream, I feel lost and without identity. What's worse is that so much of this fiction revolves around romance, which I love in fictional worlds, but which makes my skin crawl if it ever involves me. That's a fucking conundrum if I ever saw one. 

 

But when I start to feel like I'm doing something wrong or I'm abnormal in some way, I think of it this way: I've attempted sports. I've tried alcohol (I'm allergic), drugs (not a fan), parties (dancing alone is a lot more fun than socializing), clubs (can't commit). I don't even desire sex or romance. And yet, I go nuts over netflix shows and book series and food, and I'm so happy when I find my new favourite song. So why should the fact that I don't enjoy the things that are the cornerstones of most university students' lives mean anything to me? I know what makes me happy. I've experienced the things that "should" make me happy according to society's standards, and I know I'm not missing out on anything. 

 

Watching Netflix doesn't have to be your "purpose" (does anyone have purpose?), but don't tell yourself that you're wasting your time if you're doing something you enjoy. Push yourself to leave your comfort zone, of course, but do it for you. Explore things that even just a little part of you thinks you might enjoy (believe it or not, up until 5th grade, I was passionate about hating reading. I forged my mom's signature on my third grade reading log.)  If you think you'd be in to gymnastics or dance, sign up for a class. If you think you like science or math, go the extra mile and take a college course or go to a fair (idk how science works.) Go skate around a rink. Go for a walk. Read about history. Play an instrument. Make a list of all the things that make you feel good inside and see if you can come up with correlations between them that will lead you to something new and exciting. But the trick is to let yourself enjoy your life, and if you think you need to make a change, then go after it. If not, don't pressure yourself into thinking that you're nothing. Everybody wants something, and you will find that something, whether its right in front of you or has yet to enter your life. 

 

 

 

[KylaK]

Thank you all so much for your feedback. It's really helpful to know that it's the same for other people.

 

@speculette and @Galactic Turtle: I totally can relate to everything you said, I've always been a huge fan of fictional worlds too. And it's so sad finishing a good book or tv series. Older people can't understand how fandom can be a thing though. I've also tried moste of the "popular" stuff like parties, clubbing, alcohol but I never saw how people can enjoy this. I'm also doing sports and playing an instrument and as I'm a computer scientist I also generally like math.

 

The mistake I made is probably that I thought I had to be really good at something to be able to count it as a valid "passion". Thanks for reminding me that doing something you enjoy does not mean you have do be good at it.