I'm confused, and I need some help.

[confusedweirdo]

Hi, I'm new here. So I've been having some trouble lately with my gender. I'm afab, and I identify strongly as a lesbian, but recently I've been finding myself not feeling as female. I still like wearing dresses and having female anatomy, but I also want a chest binder and to wear suits. Simultaneously, I also feel a bit uncomfortable thinking about being a gender other than female yet at the same time I don't completely feel female, does that make sense? And I fluctuate. Overall I'm just really confused and I have no one to talk to about this and I need help sorting myself out. Anything helps guys, really I'm just lost

[Scottthespy]

 

While other people here would offer labels such as 'demiboy' or 'agender' to look into, I have a different viewpoint on this sort of thing:

 

Is the label the important thing for you? Is having a very specific word that defines every aspect of 'your gender' going to make you feel better? Or are you more worried that what you're experiencing is 'weird', and are just looking for a word that will assure you that you're not alone?

 

Here's the thing...everyone experiences gender (life in general, really) differently. What one person calls 'tomboy' another will call cisgenderless, and still another will call 'just a girl who likes sports'. Even when people are using the same labels, they often aren't experiencing the same things. And that's fine, its not a bad thing. No two people are alike, so there's no 'normal' and there's no way to do gender 'wrong' so long as you're comfortable in your own skin. 

 

In this day and age, if you're comfortable with being called by the pronouns that match your body, like, if the word 'she' doesn't bother you, its best to just stick with that. You don't need to worry if you don't match the stereotypes, because stereotypes are NOT gender, just societal trends. Its fine if you DO fit them, its also fine if you DON'T. If you have certain masculine or androgynous traits, but are comfortable being called a woman, then be a woman. Don't saddle yourself with a niche label that most people aren't going to understand and many are going to have issues with if you don't have to. 

 

As an anecdotal example, and a brilliant explanation of what I'm trying to say, I really recommend reading through Chimeric's post from a few days ago. Its the origional post in this thread: 

 

 

[Yep, me]

Maybe Demi (insert gender here)-fluid?

[havenseeker]

uh... you don't have to live by any standard but your own...? Life doesn't last forever, you know? just do whatever you want. you wanna wear a dress, then wear a dress. if you wanna slip into a suit, then why not? so what if most of society dictates that a female should be a certain way, and a male should be that way? must one always conform? if it doesn't feel right to you, then don't?

 

one of my brothers wears skirts & dresses occasionally and he doesn't think it has anything to do with his gender, sexuality, or anything. he just wears it because it's fun for him. and he says it feels nice that it's all breezy and stuff. and yeah, he still goes around, declaring quite loudly, "I'm a man!" which sends me howling with laughter. not 'cause of the dress. but cause i can't think of this high schooler as anything but a little kid. i changed his freaking diapers, for pity's sake...

 

but this does seem to be important to you. so just think it through carefully, slowly? soulsearch? but seriously just follow what your soul says. if you wanna talk, then just let me know.