Hello - I don't know how to feel!

[shryn19]

Hi everyone. I've been putting off joining this forum for a few months now but I've finally decided to bite the bullet and say hello. I'll try and keep this as short as I can because I tend to blabber but I kind of want to say how I ended up here, because I feel like I need some help understanding myself and who I am, probably for the first time in my life.

 

I've never really been interested in sex. I've always felt awkward when it's a topic of conversation, always felt bored and disinterested when I've seen sex scenes on TV, never really gave much thought to watching porn as a teen. To be honest, I kind of thought that was partly down to my introvert nature and frankly didn't care that much. But, I knew that I liked girls romantically, so I figured that when I got a girlfriend that the sex bit would come naturally. After all, I masturbated fairly regularly, although I never fantasied about sex whilst doing so. Anyway, after my first two break-ups due, primarily, to lack of physical intimacy, I started to think there was something wrong with me. But I still came back to the idea that I just wasn't 'ready', although I was well into my mid-twenties by this point. Again, I got another girlfriend. This time, we stuck together for over two years. It was long distance, so sex wasn't really something that could happen for much of the year anyway. But, simply put, those times when we could be together, she wanted sex, needed sex, and kept asking why I wasn't interested. In fact, she suggested I might be asexual, but I laughed that off - after all, I knew that I could fall in love, pretty easily in fact, so how could I be asexual?

 

Anyway, I read an article on the BBC roughly six months ago about a person who realised she was asexual, and talking about what that meant. It totally opened my eyes. It sounded like me. I started reading into asexuality and came to find this site. I'm now pretty confident that I am a heteroromantic asexual. I put off telling my girlfriend for a while, until we could meet face to face. I was shocked at how supportive she was - I was expecting tears and anger, but actually she told me she 'already knew'. So, that was good, although we did decide to break up (not just down to the asexuality thing). That was a couple of weeks ago.

 

Here's where I am right now. I feel pretty alone, frankly. I'm 29 years old, now, and it feels like I've only recently started to work out who I actually am. When I first realised I might be asexual it felt like a weight was lifted, but over the past few months my mind has spiralled more and more and now I guess I'm just confused. I know what I am, but I haven't quite come around to accepting it or understanding it yet. I want to be comfortable in my own skin, but I've always had anxiety and depression issues and...well, I just feel kind of bleak at the moment. This feels like a turning point in my life and I want to make the most of it and be the best person I can be now that I've realised something so fundamental about my identity. And that has led me to writing this post. I don't know if I'm going to post very much on this forum, but everyone here seems really lovely and so I hope that, if nothing else, I can make myself realise that I'm not alone. And if I do that maybe I can make my future feel a little brighter.

 

See, told you I had a tendency to blabber! Thank you so much for reading, if you have read all of that. And have a lovely day

[mak]

Welcome to Aven! First off, I just want you to know you are not alone! There are a lot of us here and so far I have only met wonderful people. I agree with you that figuring out about being asexual seems like a turning point in one's life. I don't know what to do with myself now but take one day at a time and hope for the best. I hope things only go up from here for you! Glad you found us here! Have some lovely cake!

[Raire]

@shryn19 Welcome! (he says having just joined himself) 

Obligatory cake for you  

Your tale sounds a great deal like my own, so all I can suggest to you is that you shouldn't feel that too confused in yourself. You're not weird, you're not broken (two concerns I've had!) and you've clearly looked into yourself and concluded that you are asexual. 

And that's a good thing. Being honest with yourself is important. So congratulations matey. 

See you around! 

[ravenovmidian]

im new to this too i thought i was weird but having a name to put on it and not being as weird as i thought helps

[Lia]

Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

[blueheroness]

Welcome!  I'm 29 myself and recently realized I'm demisexual so I relate. It does feel odd to realize something so important in my late twenties but I'm glad I did. I hope as you search around the forums you feel less lonely. I know it helps me a lot. 😊

[Lichley]

Welcome from Gatwick  If you have any questions feel free to ask, we'll support you no matter what  

[shryn19]

Thank you all for the warm welcome I already feel better just by hearing from people in similar situations. I'll take a look around the other forums and get involved in some conversations. Thanks again!