Did your realize your aesthetic attraction was sexual or vice versa?

[Garion]

If you have an attraction your thought was aesthetic that you later conclude was sexual or thought your attraction was sexual and later concluded was aesthetic, would you be willing to share what changed your conclusion?

[GLRDT]

Well actually I've had many failed relationships because I thought or was hoping  the aesthetic attraction was sexual attraction or it would grow into being sexual attraction with someone I found attractive in every other way but then it wouldn't happen. A lot of experimentation  to realize that if I didn't feel something, it wasn't going to come later.

 

However with my current boyfriend, he kind of unexpectedly came out of nowhere. The first time I met him he had glasses covering half of his whole face and I was dating someone else at the time so I didn't notice him very much. Then after my relationship at the time broke up and I started hanging out with my current boyfriend more, I started to like him as a person a lot. I could tell he was very aesthetically pleasing by this point but I didn't want to start another relationship and I can never tell if I'm sexually attracted to someone until sexual things are actually happening.  So we were watching a movie and at the end he kissed me and I felt something! Which is rare with kisses. I felt some butterflies or tinglies in my chest. So I'm gray asexual. I've had strongish sexual attraction (I think that's what it was. It's hard to tell. It was more than normal aesthetic attraction. That's all I know) about three times in my life and I'd say I have some on some level with my current boyfriend. I still have never desired sex but I have gotten more curious or open to sex with the people I've found attracted to in that way.

 

What about you? I'd like to return your excellent question back to you!

[Garion]

4 hours ago, GLRDT said:

What about you? I'd like to return your excellent question back to you!

For me, frankly I'm trying to figure out what my attractions are. The only time I can think of where I kind of had some desire for a kiss with someone was back in high school (4 years for me) after going as friends to a movie with a girl I'd either started to know in freshman or sophomore year. (Not sure which.) As for what I'm guessing are at least aesthetic attractions of mine, they're decently widespread. Over the years I've come to find some commonalities though of course when I find a commonality, some exception comes up, leading me to search for a new commonality. And as the girl I mentioned earlier was never physically attractive to me (great personality though), I really have no concrete idea of placing aesthetic attraction in conjunction with anything further. So sometimes it makes me thing I'm either romantically/sexually attracted to either basically nothing or a lot of stuff. It's confusing.

[GLRDT]

Yeah. I often find myself confused too. I'm gray asexual. I spent most of my beginning relationships trying to figure out what sexual attraction feels like and if I was having it. Now I realize I can feel it on some level because I dated someone I was in love with but I didn't like him kissing me or touching me sexually. But we were big cuddlers. Anyhow now I'm dating someone who I don't have desire for sex but I can get in the mood, be open to it, and enjoy it if he initiates. Since I like it when he touches me or I'm not grossed out, I assume that means I have some sort of sexual attraction to him. 

[Lovelykat]

Vice versa for me. I always assumed my aesthetic attraction was actually sexual attraction, but then I realized I wouldn't have sex with the most attractive guy I know even if you paid me!

[K.I.N.G]

On 16/02/2018 at 4:49 AM, Lovelykat said:

Vice versa for me. I always assumed my aesthetic attraction was actually sexual attraction, but then I realized I wouldn't have sex with the most attractive guy I know even if you paid me!

:L this is me completely - I always liked the look of people but never wanted to do anything more than just look - let's just say I was a bit weirded out when I found out my friends actually wanted to kiss their crushes :L

 

Then a few months ago I started researching attraction and realised i'd never actually experienced sexual attraction.

[Amperance]

Hi Garion! Good question, lots to chew in there...  here is how I have experienced it.

 

Imagine that I am a car going down a road and that my objects of attractions are forks off my road:

• most forks are dead ends, meaning I found myself physiologically incapable of having sex with them
• a handful of them were viable roads, meaning I developed an attraction that lead to happy sexual relations
• There are 4 entities on board: my Graysexual, my Demisexual, my Aesthetic and my Sapiosexual

One Scenario that happens

• My Aesthetic says "Pretty! I see a fork in the road"
• My Graysexual says "That's not a road that's a dead end! Here, look at that owl, go buy new brushes (insert any other trigger/release for aesthetic/sensual rapture)
• My Aesthetic forgets all about that fork and the car stays on course

alternate ending

• Gray is taking a nap, but Demi and Sapio take a look at the fork
• One or both of them become horrified and appalled and effectively remove Aesth from the driver seat

grimmer alternate ending (aka, my adolescence) 

• Everyone was asleep so Aesth turn the car into the fork without anyone noticing
• Gray is violently awakened by the car going off the deep end because that was not a road but a cliff
• Aesth panics at the wheel, Demi goes into scheming with the gods for salvation/rescue, Sapio manipulates the hell out of reality so that the car becomes a rocket, Gray bullies the universe into forging an escape route
• Everyone comes out bruised, fork/cliff included, it takes the car forever to get back to its own road

 

Another Scenario (known to happen in professional or academic settings)

• My Sapio says "OMG that fork is brilliant, that must be a road!" 
• Gray looks at the fork and throws a book at Sapio, because no, that is not a road
• Sapio goes back to being utterly in love of its own mind (and might also go on to prove to the fork how much more brilliant they are)

Alternate ending: 

• Gray looks at the fork and says "yep that is a road, let's go"
• Demi then "Wait, I driving, at my speed, and beware I might turn us around at any point, should this road turn crappy"
• Meanwhile, Aesth tags along and is heavily influenced by the findings of Demi.  Halfway down the trip, if Gray, Demi or Sapio haven't become disenchanted and killed the trip, Aesth changes the tints on the car and now everyone sees peachy

Something else that happens when I get existentially lonely (often)

• Demi says to Aesth, "hey can I borrow your perceptions of any past/current-yet-to-be-explored forks"?
• Aeths says "erm, sure, but you should tell Gray, no point on spinning for nothing"
• Sapio overhears this and says "get Gray to validate this, is going to end badly otherwise..."
• Demi cajoles to Sapio "oh come on! you love making projections and predictive modeling, this can be a fun intellectual exercise for you. Look at Aesth, drawing such pretty pictures already!"
• Gray wakes up from a nap, brings to light evidence of dead-end conditions, car turns around and disaster is averted
• Demi goes on to find other sources of love and connection with friends and  community

 

[Grumpy Alien]

Complicated. Until I was 19, I assumed physical attraction (wow they’re very good looking and I could stare at them forever) was sexual. It wasn’t. But I do experience sexual attraction. Just only when I’m both physically and romantically attracted AND emotionally involved.

[Guest]

I don't really experience aesthetic attraction much... I've liked the look of 2? people in my life, maybe 3. Sexual attraction I've only experienced one time. I never thought the two were the same. But, the two are combined in the one person I've felt sexual attraction to (though, it's more ... I adore them and am romantically with them, rather than "omg you're so hot I wanna do you"). 

[Mx. Who]

I just learned asexuality was a thing this year, but before I found out, there was this guy on my bus. He was apparently really hot, and this basically what happened:

All the other girls: "Oh my gosh, he's so hot! Is he looking at me?!?" *general fawning over him*

Me: I guess he could be hot. Why is everyone so excited? He's just a guy who looks like he works out. *general confusion*

 

Summary: I've experienced aesthetic attraction, but never sexual.

[wonderflonium]

I used to think that my aesthetic attraction was what people meant by sexual attraction. I was blissfully unaware that what I was feeling was different until I ended up dating and realized I could really like someone and want to be dating them, but I still wanted nothing physically from them. I ended up using aesthetic attraction as a cover for several years, since my lack of sexual interest seemed to make people question me far too much. 

 

I'll also state that my aesthetic attraction varies and is greatly influences by outfits and hairstyles. The same person in a particular outfit can be aesthetically appealing, and the next day in a different outfit - gone. No longer appealing to the eye. I can still like the person as a human, but my aesthetic eye is really fickle. I've met maybe one person where regardless of clothing style, I wanted to stare at him. Still no physical urges though.