Guest Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 3 minutes ago, Cimmerian said: This thread's been really interesting to read! I like reading personal experiences because to me they always provide an easier way to compare what you feel to other people who all feel it a little differently. And you've asked great questions (I don't know if I've seen someone ask about how it feels for people who are trying to be celibate for a specific reason but still feel sexual attraction)! Now I may have to go ask some of our bisexuals are question about their experience of sexual attraction because I'm curious to see the variation there too. Again I'm not the best example but before learning about asexuality I literally identified as 'bisexual without the sexual part' haha!! I feel a much stronger physical and aesthetic attraction to women than I do to men, but don't really have any interest in having sex with women ..well, I have no interest in having sex with 'men in general's either, haha. Not into casual sex I still always knew I was 'attracted' to women though (and men too) by the fact that I could appreciate how attractive they are.. it was always stronger for women than it was for women. I probably wouldn't call it sexual attraction as it never came with a desire for sex or arousal or anything (though it's worth noting that many sexual people say they can experience sexual attraction for someone without wanting sex with them) but I still definitely knew that physical attraction to certain forms (especially female ones!) existed within me. I can only desire a relationship (and sex now too) with an emotional bond, and seem to only be able to develop emotional bonds with men for some reason!! Life is all very confusing Hopefully we have some long-term bisexuals who can probably give a much better answer!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 9 minutes ago, butterflydreams said: Huh...that's interesting. Do you think you'd have to have been in that situation to know you'd feel that way? What I mean is I've never been in any situation that could've led to things progressing sexually with a partner, but this makes a lot of sense to me anyway. 'Sexual attraction' is pretty much the same for me as Serran explained. I realized with my partner that I was okay with sexual experimentation and that progressed to us being able to enjoy certain sexual activities enough to actively desire them with each other. It's nothing more or nothing less than that really, for me anyway! (and my partner too, who was also identifying as ace when we met!). Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 1 hour ago, butterflydreams said: Huh...that's interesting. Do you think you'd have to have been in that situation to know you'd feel that way? What I mean is I've never been in any situation that could've led to things progressing sexually with a partner, but this makes a lot of sense to me anyway. Mmm. Well. Before I was with my current partner, I was certain I wanted nothing sexual again, ever. I had been through 15 years of sexual relationships and I was just done. But, as we got closer, I found I didn't feel that way about her. And, I didn't know exactly what I wanted, until we began trying things. So, I knew I wasn't against it but I wasn't sure if I wanted it until I was in the situation, yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
Cnyb Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 I'm doubtful as to what sexual attraction is or is not. I'd like to know what kinds of questions would be asked by researchers to determine whether someone had sexual attraction or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Cnyb Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 Or take this line of thought: what sexual attraction is not, if for example, someone gets aroused while driving on a bumpy road one doesn't say they are into road-sex (no matter how fine looking the road)... and if someone tends to take care of relieving the tension/arousal and enjoy aspects of that physiological process they don't consider it attraction or their sexual orientation, it's just this arousal happened and might as well get physical relief. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 1 hour ago, FictoVore. said: I realized with my partner that I was okay with sexual experimentation and that progressed to us being able to enjoy certain sexual activities enough to actively desire them with each other. What did that make you before that happened? Asexual? That's sort of what I'm wondering about. I've never been with anyone, so I don't know if I'd want to engage in sexual activities with someone. 28 minutes ago, Serran said: Mmm. Well. Before I was with my current partner, I was certain I wanted nothing sexual again, ever. I had been through 15 years of sexual relationships and I was just done. But, as we got closer, I found I didn't feel that way about her. And, I didn't know exactly what I wanted, until we began trying things. So, I knew I wasn't against it but I wasn't sure if I wanted it until I was in the situation, yeah. I'm interested in how exactly that situation is navigated. Was there any concern that your partner would end up wanting things you couldn't do? I guess what I'm getting at is I don't know what to call myself to help others understand me. I might be able to be sexual with the right person, but I might not. I don't know until I'm there. I wouldn't want to promise something I couldn't deliver. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 15 minutes ago, butterflydreams said: I'm interested in how exactly that situation is navigated. Was there any concern that your partner would end up wanting things you couldn't do? I guess what I'm getting at is I don't know what to call myself to help others understand me. I might be able to be sexual with the right person, but I might not. I don't know until I'm there. I wouldn't want to promise something I couldn't deliver. Well, my partner is from AVEN, so that helps a lot. To start we both agreed nothing was going to happen. Then, we started discussing things and I agreed to try some things, when appropriate, but that was supposed to be years down the line. But, then ... we both just got really comfortable with each other so nothing turned out the way we talked about. *shrug* As long as you're honest about not being sure, that's the best you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 1 hour ago, Serran said: To start we both agreed nothing was going to happen. Ahhh, to be able to start from that place...I always feel like I have to start from "I'll try my best to push myself as much as I can." Always having to meet other people's demands and needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Cimmerian Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 3 hours ago, FictoVore. said: Again I'm not the best example but before learning about asexuality I literally identified as 'bisexual without the sexual part' haha!! I feel a much stronger physical and aesthetic attraction to women than I do to men, but don't really have any interest in having sex with women ..well, I have no interest in having sex with 'men in general's either, haha. Not into casual sex I still always knew I was 'attracted' to women though (and men too) by the fact that I could appreciate how attractive they are.. it was always stronger for women than it was for women. I probably wouldn't call it sexual attraction as it never came with a desire for sex or arousal or anything (though it's worth noting that many sexual people say they can experience sexual attraction for someone without wanting sex with them) but I still definitely knew that physical attraction to certain forms (especially female ones!) existed within me. I can only desire a relationship (and sex now too) with an emotional bond, and seem to only be able to develop emotional bonds with men for some reason!! Life is all very confusing Hopefully we have some long-term bisexuals who can probably give a much better answer!! I forgot you were attracted to both Fict! Silly me. x_x But that's actually sort of the angle I'm curious about! I know a lot of bisexuals/romantics feel different levels of interest in a particular gender and sometimes it's more 50/50 and sometimes it might switch to 80/20 etc., so I was wondering if sexual interest or comfort varies for a lot of bisexuals like that too or if there's more stability in what people are or are not comfortable doing with each gender. I'm especially curious if there are any bisexuals who are open to much more with one gender and then open to very little with the other, but are still very likely to be romantically interested in either. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 15 hours ago, Cnyb said: Or take this line of thought: what sexual attraction is not, if for example, someone gets aroused while driving on a bumpy road one doesn't say they are into road-sex (no matter how fine looking the road)... and if someone tends to take care of relieving the tension/arousal and enjoy aspects of that physiological process they don't consider it attraction or their sexual orientation, it's just this arousal happened and might as well get physical relief. There is a difference in physical arousal and mental arousal, though. When attraction plays into it, it's not my body responding with no mental/emotional aspects involved. I want it, with every part of me. And it feels nothing at all like when it's just my body responding to stimuli in a completely physical arousal response. The physical only responses I always found boring and uninteresting. That happens a lot to random stimuli - my jeans, horseback riding, riding a bicycle, etc. And it was no different from that with a partner I had no attraction to. It was just more physical stimuli that does nothing good for me and is boring and uninteresting. As for masturbation... I've heard it often described as "cleaning the pipes" more than anything. Personally, I can't speak much to the differences in that and attraction, cause I've only done it based on sexual attraction to someone I love and without that motivation, it is not appealing and I can't enjoy it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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