Avee Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Hi. So, I've been avoiding my bf lately. My studies and insecurities came first. Today we met again. He tried to make a move on me. I gathered my courage and told him about my "discovery". He froze. Then he assured me that he loves me. At least 3 times. Despite everything. I cried. I was happy. Then he undressed himself and told me that he would teach me how to love IT. Like. .. 10 minutes after my confession. So I told him that I need to go to the toilet. And now I'm hiding in here, thinking about spending my whole night here. Idk. Idk why I'm writing it here. Maybe because my mother did not listen to me few days ago. Maybe because she told me I would grow to love sex one day. That it would end soon. Maybe I am writing it here, because never in my entire life have I felt so lonely. Sorry for my English. My tablet is not used to this language. Link to post Share on other sites
Pseudacris Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 The important thing about a relationship is to be comfortable. If you're not comfortable, you're not ready. It's more than okay to say no. In fact, you should say no if you're uncomfortable. There's no need to rush anything, and please don't do anything out of some sort of social obligation. You'll regret it. It's okay to be different and to give yourself time to figure things out on your own. If that means breaking off a relationship, so be it. These things can be hard, but you're strong enough to make these decisions for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Avee Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 3 minutes ago, Pseudacris said: The important thing about a relationship is to be comfortable. If you're not comfortable, you're not ready. It's more than okay to say no. In fact, you should say no if you're uncomfortable. There's no need to rush anything, and please don't do anything out of some sort of social obligation. You'll regret it. It's okay to be different and to give yourself time to figure things out on your own. If that means breaking off a relationship, so be it. These things can be hard, but you're strong enough to make these decisions for yourself. Thanks. It's really great to hear something from someone else. Not sure if I am making much sense here, but it's like 4:43 AM in here ;p Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 @Avee Are you at home? Link to post Share on other sites
Peachyy Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 go home Link to post Share on other sites
Avee Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 32 minutes ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said: @Avee Are you at home? Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 @Avee Is any of your family home? You need to contact someone who will kick him out of the house. If your family is aware but not concerned about you, then contact the police. Link to post Share on other sites
Inept_Eris Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 That's scary, just tell him you are not ready for that yet and that you need space and he should leave. If he persists or refuses to speak lock yourself back in the bathroom and call for backup if at all possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him at this point. It sounds like he was about to rape you. Don't leave the bathroom if he is still out there. Just call someone for help in getting rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Avee Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Nah do not worry. The situation is not as dramatic as it sounds. We've talked. He gave up. Tomorrow we will talk. Sorry that I made it sounds so bad. English is not my first language, I world ust different words but I am super tired. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 1 hour ago, Avee said: Then he undressed himself and told me that he would teach me how to love IT. I don't see how this could possibly be misconstrued, but whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Inept_Eris Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 5 minutes ago, Avee said: Nah do not worry. The situation is not as dramatic as it sounds. We've talked. He gave up. Tomorrow we will talk. Sorry that I made it sounds so bad. English is not my first language, I world ust different words but I am super tired. Whew glad to hear you two where able to talk it out hopefully he won't pull that again Link to post Share on other sites
Avee Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 20 minutes ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said: I don't see how this could possibly be misconstrued, but whatever. True, true. But he's actually a good guy, he simply did not know what to do. Fact, he chose the worst possibility, but HEY it ended up well enough. Thanks for your concern and sorry for worrying you. I am glad that this forum exists. Link to post Share on other sites
nimbus Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Wow, he obviously didn't understand what asexuality is. It's disturbing that he got naked and wanted to have sex right after you came out to him. I can see why everyone here was scared for your safety. I was going to say: stay in the bathroom and talk to him through the door or call him from there, that way you could discuss things with some physical separation. But it's a relief the situation ended safely and peacefully. If you haven't already said it, you should tell him not only what asexuality actually means, but also make sure it's verbally clear to him that his reaction both missed your point completely and was very uncomfortable for you. He needs to know why his reaction was the exact opposite of what was appropriate. Tell him how you would've preferred him to react (ie. asking questions, wanting to know more about asexuality, being acceptive and supportive, etc). And give him some links to webpages where he can learn about asexuality on his own. You have control over the relationship and can direct it where you want it to go by talking with him. Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 *hugs* you okay? Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 If you know you're asexual, then no amount of "teaching" or dismissal is going to change it. Do not be compelled to do anything with which you are uncomfortable. You are who you are, and love, regardless of what form it takes, cannot change your essence. You are not a blank slate, and asexuality is part of human nature. Link to post Share on other sites
Avee Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Thank you all for encouraging words and advice ;D. I have talked about it again, making sure he understands that he hurt me. He was feeling bad and it was clear, he did not mean to make me sad or anything. We will try to find our own solution. Once again, thank you. You really helped me and I am truly grateful! Link to post Share on other sites
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