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ShyKidAnomaly

Cisgender female wanting top surgery

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ShyKidAnomaly

Hi so I'm a cisgender female who would love to get top surgery, I'm young ( between 18 - 25) and I'm still dependent on my parents and family at this point. I haven't told them that I'm asexual or that I want the surgery even though I really want to. I think I'll be able to tell them about the asexual part pretty easily because I don't see anything wrong with it (I mean I literally am telling them I don't want to have sex lol) - although I have seen peoples stories where people didn't react well to it. With the top surgery I'm definitely more scared because I'm afraid they'll misunderstand and think I am trying to transition (I'm a tomboy and I've never really been that feminine), I know for sure I'm not transgender and I don't have a problem with being or identifying as female even though I hate my period which is very painful. I'm especially concerned about my mom because I'm pretty sure she will jump to the conclusion that I'm gay or I want to transition (she literally said she hopes I'll find a "friend girl" to me before lol). Also I think I have PCOS and I experience hirtuism on my neck and along my chin so even if I wanted to present as masculine I wouldn't have a hard time except for my height. I just don't see the reason why I should have breasts, as I said before I'm asexual, they give me NO pleasure, I have a more androgynous dress style, they make me appear larger than I am because I'm under 5 feet and I wear 40DDs. I just want them to know that this isn't about my gender I just want a flat chest; I don't even want nipples! So I'm trying to go for my a regular checkup and to see if they can check if I have pcos and I was thinking of telling my mom I'm ace in the car beforehand and then waiting and telling her I want to get top surgery during the summer. I kind of want to tell her because I know she'll most likely tell my dad but I'm also afraid for that reason because I don't want her to misexplain the situation. Does anyone have any tips on how to talk about these things? Thanks.

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Booklion27

I think that a good way to explain it is that getting top surgery would be like getting plastic surgery. Its only for cosmetic reasons. You don't like the way it makes you look so you want to change it. 

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Chimeric

I think these may be two different issues.

 

You're asexual and also you have massive boobs on a tiny frame and they're impeding your ability to live comfortably (boobs have biologic utility far beyond being objects of pleasure; if anything, "pleasure" is one of the least of their jobs :lol:). Does that sound right? In which case it isn't necessarily "top surgery" so much as "breast reduction surgery," which is a relatively routine procedure.

 

Regarding coming out as asexual - it's absolutely your choice. I'm of the opinion that it's just a label and it doesn't matter to anyone except for you and your partner, should you ever decide to pursue one. I think it might be worth separating the idea of asexuality with the idea of a breast reduction surgery, though, for the reasons I mentioned above.

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ShyKidAnomaly

Hey guys thanks for responding, Booklion27 I don't know if saying it's for cosmetic reasons would make it better or worse tbh. Chimeric the reason I was grouping them together is because I see breast as something for sexual pleasure and having to do with feeding kids, and I don't plan on having sex or feeding kids because I'm ace. And the reason I refer to it as top surgery and not breast reduction is because top surgery removes more and shapes it in a different way (even the smallest breast size doesn't look like what I want, I want a flat chest shaped a particular way), I don't want the look of top surgery specifically because I want to be a male I just like the look of it. It's like wanting a shoe and wanting that shoe not because of the brand name but because of the look of the shoe only, if the shape I want was called something else I would still want it.

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Booklion27
39 minutes ago, shyknit said:

don't know if saying it's for cosmetic reasons would make it better or worse tbh

Understandable, especially if you live in a place where plastic surgery is viewed negatively. 

48 minutes ago, Chimeric said:

I think it might be worth separating the idea of asexuality

I do agree with this though. Since both topics are probably going to be hard for them to understand, separating them and introducing them at different times will make it so you won't overwhelm them. Plus it makes both ideas sound less sudden to them. 

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ShyKidAnomaly

Yeah I'm definitely going to tell them I ace before telling them I want top surgery. The good thing is that they have surprised me in the past but it was for smaller things (like wanting tattoos and getting a buzzcut), I just worry there will be a difference between saying and action when it comes to bigger things like this. My dad is a very logical person where as my mom can be very emotional when it comes to reasoning. For example I recently wore a suit to a wedding and my mom kept trying to talk me out of it but she couldn't give me a good reason why (saying it's not something a young lady should wear to a formal event, it just wouldn't look right but not giving me a reason why she thought that) and when I asked my dad about what he thought he seemed to be indifferent to it/ fine with it. Also I know someone will probably say I should be patient and wait until I'm independent but I have waited. and taking in to account what's going on in my life and how it will affect my life for the next couple of years I'm worried I'll be one of those people that gets it in they're late twenties thirties and their only regret is not getting it sooner. This isn't a question for me of if but when I'll get, and I want that when to be as soon as possible.

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Mezzo Forte

I actually told my mother about my intent for top surgery while I was still questioning. The biggest thing I emphasized is that these feelings persist regardless of gender and that having the amount breast tissue I had was taking a serious toll on my mental health/overall quality of life.

 

That said, my family is pretty chill. My mom did ask if I was into women, but was chill when I explained my asexuality. (I don't think she 100% gets it, because I think she's under the impression that transition would change my orientation.) Interestingly enough, my mom is actually kind of envious of my top surgery, so I think she gets the idea of people benefiting from that procedure independently of gender identity.

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ShyKidAnomaly

This is definitely a smaller issue but when I got/wanted my buzzcut and to dye my hair at 16, she was totally with me on it and after I got it she smiled and said "hey beautiful  girl" everyday for like a month, when I asked her if she would have been able to do this she said no but she was glad that I could, the more I think about it the less scared I get. ^_^

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ShyKidAnomaly

Ok so update, I told my sister in law. She asked me what was wrong and started joking with me to try and make me feel better and we started a game where I literally spelled it out to her. She said "ok, I figured" lol she identified as asexual in high school apparently and she said that for someone who knows the signs it's like I'm holding a flashing sign lol. Then I told her about the top surgery, she thinks that's fine too (although her face changed when I mentioned the nipple part because she said it made her think about nipples and that we have very different feelings towards them lol) but she says she thinks I should wait until I'm older so that my age can't be used against me and because she thinks brain development could cause a change in heart (it wont). And also, so that I can buy the surgery without my parents, but she also recognizes that it would be extremely hard for me to have to deal with the dysphoria for even longer (she studied pyschology/ neuroscience for a bit in college) and that it will only get harder (nearly impossible) to find a point within the next 5 years (I'm studying Architecture) to get surgery and recover other than this summer. She also said she wants to know what my parents say out of scientific curiosity.^_^ And regarding paying for it without my parents help I was also looking into crowdfunding and I found this website called youcaring which doesn't seem charge a fee, I'm looking more into it.

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Albine
On 1/29/2018 at 9:03 PM, ShyKidAnomaly said:

Ok so update, I told my sister in law. She asked me what was wrong and started joking with me to try and make me feel better and we started a game where I literally spelled it out to her. She said "ok, I figured" lol she identified as asexual in high school apparently and she said that for someone who knows the signs it's like I'm holding a flashing sign lol. Then I told her about the top surgery, she thinks that's fine too (although her face changed when I mentioned the nipple part because she said it made her think about nipples and that we have very different feelings towards them lol) but she says she thinks I should wait until I'm older so that my age can't be used against me and because she thinks brain development could cause a change in heart (it wont). And also, so that I can buy the surgery without my parents, but she also recognizes that it would be extremely hard for me to have to deal with the dysphoria for even longer (she studied pyschology/ neuroscience for a bit in college) and that it will only get harder (nearly impossible) to find a point within the next 5 years (I'm studying Architecture) to get surgery and recover other than this summer. She also said she wants to know what my parents say out of scientific curiosity.^_^ And regarding paying for it without my parents help I was also looking into crowdfunding and I found this website called you caring which doesn't seem charge a fee, I'm looking more into it.

I support and agree you in terms of doing what you feel is right for your self and your body! I want the opposite route, i am a guy and had (male breast augmentation) I'm taller than you and probably larger LOL I ended up being a  size 40 full C/D my surgeon encouraged me to go larger than I initially thought to be in proportion to my overall frame. while i am pleased with the over all results at times I do struggle with them in certain situations which  I am sure you can relate to, 1) they are pretty noticeable not easy to hide  2) exercising  its good that  you have an idea in your mind what you want  though you might have to wait a couple of years to save up some money if your parents don't support you. 

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ShyKidAnomaly

Hey guys so update, last year I did end up telling my parents that I am asexual and gender non conforming and that I want the surgery. My dad was pretty okay with the asexual part (although both of them basically said 'it's probably just a phase') but doesn't want me to get the surgery because he sees it as a want not a need and my mom didn't even really understand what asexual was until I explained it to her (she even started running through scenarios with me to better understand lol). In terms of the surgery part she seemed more receptive as a lot of the women in my family apparently have had to get breast reductions because of them being too big (one of my older cousins has like m sized O_o) so she understands that part of it and says I would probably need to get a reduction anyways even if I wasn't trying to go flat. I also started wearing binders which has helped with my confidence at school however since I'm small and have large breasts it only helps so much; but it does solidify that I definitely want them gone. I had a consultation with a doctor (Dr. Abboushi with Panacea plastic surgery) and now I am just trying to save and raise money so that I can get it done before the fall school semester starts in august. If anyone is willing to donate here is a link to my gofundme: gofundme.com/shykidanomaly. Thanks for everyone who responded and to anyone who shares or donates to my campaign. ^_^

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General

I'm not the type of person to tell others how they should identify, but what your describing doesn't sound like a cisgender thought process.  No disrespect, just an observation coming from a masculine afab nonbinary individual.

 

Every cis woman that I've ever spoken to has never wanted to completely remove her breasts, no matter if she was a tomboy or not.  Some do desire a reduction, but they don't want to be entirely without boobs.  I also haven't spoken to any cis person who has body image issues related to their sexual orientation, as we know that assigned sex at birth and orientation are two separate things.

 

Having the desire to be rid of primary or secondary sex characteristics is normally a huge red flag when it comes to gender issues specifically.

 

I was in a very similar boat myself.  For years I was considered a tomboy, I didn't like my physique aesthetically when I hit puberty, I wanted to be flat chested again, periods sucked, doctors are trying to diagnose me with PCOS, I don't like my body being sexualized, my parent asked if I was gay, etcetera etcetera.  I'm not saying that we are the same, or that everyone similar to me has the same experiences.  I'm just throwing it out there....you might want to reevaluate some things and deeply consider thinking about gender a little more.  You may discover something you weren't aware of.  Best of luck to you in your future endeavors. 👍

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ClaudiaVampire

Hi ShyKid,

As a fellow cis woman under 25 who had this surgery exactly one month ago, I'd like to share my perspective!

 

I respectfully disagree with the previous poster, about the desire for a total breast removal necessarily signifying something about gender. I've never felt anything approaching dysphoria in my life. Granted, I don't feel a strong connection to femininity and don't mind being accidentally misgendered in online interactions (it would never happen in person), but the idea of taking testosterone or pursuing any other form of medical transition, even with more androgynous results in mind, is pretty ghastly for me. Conclusion: cis by default, as many people are. So yes, it's entirely possible to be a girl who just doesn't want breasts! Mine weren't even large, and I'd never been sexualized for them; I just saw them as pointless and in the way and knew I'd be happier with a flat chest. And I absolutely am!

 

(Besides, if we're at all serious about divorcing anatomy from gender expectations, including those outside the binary, we should at least be able to conceptualize female humans without breast tissue, right? Disliking certain secondary sex characteristics may be a common flag for gender issues, but it doesn't automatically make you trans or nonbinary if that's not how you see yourself.)

 

Like you, I opted out of nipple grafting. My nipples never did anything for me except embarrass me in cold weather, and I'm quite excited to face the upcoming winter without them, lol. The recovery process was much easier than I expected: I was fine shuffling around the house hours after leaving the hospital, I didn't need to take pain medication at all, and my upper-body flexibility and strength have been steadily returning. I love looking at my profile in the mirror; I love the sleek new fit of all my old shirts. I've even started to embrace lower necklines, which I always avoided in the past despite not having any real cleavage to show. If any of this is what you're hoping for from surgery, I can attest that it's wonderful, empowering, and liberating. (And, at least in my case, still entirely unconnected to gender or even sexuality.)

 

Your GoFundMe link doesn't seem to be working anymore, but if you still have a campaign going I'd love to help out however I can! And if you've already had the procedure, I hope you're equally satisfied with your results. 😊

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qwert65
On 9/9/2019 at 5:30 PM, ClaudiaVampire said:

Hi ShyKid,

As a fellow cis woman under 25 who had this surgery exactly one month ago, I'd like to share my perspective!

 

I respectfully disagree with the previous poster, about the desire for a total breast removal necessarily signifying something about gender. I've never felt anything approaching dysphoria in my life. Granted, I don't feel a strong connection to femininity and don't mind being accidentally misgendered in online interactions (it would never happen in person), but the idea of taking testosterone or pursuing any other form of medical transition, even with more androgynous results in mind, is pretty ghastly for me. Conclusion: cis by default, as many people are. So yes, it's entirely possible to be a girl who just doesn't want breasts! Mine weren't even large, and I'd never been sexualized for them; I just saw them as pointless and in the way and knew I'd be happier with a flat chest. And I absolutely am!

 

(Besides, if we're at all serious about divorcing anatomy from gender expectations, including those outside the binary, we should at least be able to conceptualize female humans without breast tissue, right? Disliking certain secondary sex characteristics may be a common flag for gender issues, but it doesn't automatically make you trans or nonbinary if that's not how you see yourself.)

 

Like you, I opted out of nipple grafting. My nipples never did anything for me except embarrass me in cold weather, and I'm quite excited to face the upcoming winter without them, lol. The recovery process was much easier than I expected: I was fine shuffling around the house hours after leaving the hospital, I didn't need to take pain medication at all, and my upper-body flexibility and strength have been steadily returning. I love looking at my profile in the mirror; I love the sleek new fit of all my old shirts. I've even started to embrace lower necklines, which I always avoided in the past despite not having any real cleavage to show. If any of this is what you're hoping for from surgery, I can attest that it's wonderful, empowering, and liberating. (And, at least in my case, still entirely unconnected to gender or even sexuality.)

 

Your GoFundMe link doesn't seem to be working anymore, but if you still have a campaign going I'd love to help out however I can! And if you've already had the procedure, I hope you're equally satisfied with your results. 😊

 

Edited by qwert65

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Chiwi

I'm also a cis female that wants a completely flat chest, I can relate with transgender people's (FTM) dysphoria really well. Even before I even hit puberty I always told everyone that once I got my breasts I would get surgery to remove them.
I wouldn't consider myself a tomboy or a girly girl, just a normal in between girl, and I've never thought that breasts are ugly, in fact they look really good and I've tried for so many years to change my mind and to like my own chest! No I don't think my chest is ugly but I just feel very uncomfortable with my chest, it feels like it shouldn't be there, it doesn't belong to my body. And I don't even have big breasts, probably an A-B cup (I don't know exactly because I've never owned a bra, just sport bras, children tops or just a simple top.)
I always wear baggy clothes to hide my chest, even in the summer. If not I'm flattening it down as much as possible with a top underneath my shirt, which leaves my chest pretty numb free. I hate to wear swimwear, but when I do I use a children's bikini top with a lot of flounce, and I'd prefer to wear a shirt on as well.
I don't want people to notice my chest at all, not because I don't want to be sexualized, I just simply don't want anyone to see it, I feel super anxious when looking at my chest or feeling it. I get very anxious when I'm taking showers.
My dysphoria has bothered me daily for 6 years (ever since I first got them) I'm almost 17 now and it just keep getting worse.
Here is the first time I've ever came across other cis girls who actually wants a completely flat chest and that makes me feel less alone. I just hope I'll have the money and not be scared of getting surgery in the future, because I really can't stand this much longer..

 

Edit: I've never ever been sexualized in any way and never experienced anything sexual. And I'm not a lesbian, possibly asexual and possibly straight (romantically).

 

Edited by Chiwi

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Plaskepus
On 9/9/2019 at 9:30 AM, ClaudiaVampire said:

Hi ShyKid,

As a fellow cis woman under 25 who had this surgery exactly one month ago, I'd like to share my perspective!

 

I respectfully disagree with the previous poster, about the desire for a total breast removal necessarily signifying something about gender. I've never felt anything approaching dysphoria in my life. Granted, I don't feel a strong connection to femininity and don't mind being accidentally misgendered in online interactions (it would never happen in person), but the idea of taking testosterone or pursuing any other form of medical transition, even with more androgynous results in mind, is pretty ghastly for me. Conclusion: cis by default, as many people are. So yes, it's entirely possible to be a girl who just doesn't want breasts! Mine weren't even large, and I'd never been sexualized for them; I just saw them as pointless and in the way and knew I'd be happier with a flat chest. And I absolutely am!

 

(Besides, if we're at all serious about divorcing anatomy from gender expectations, including those outside the binary, we should at least be able to conceptualize female humans without breast tissue, right? Disliking certain secondary sex characteristics may be a common flag for gender issues, but it doesn't automatically make you trans or nonbinary if that's not how you see yourself.)

 

Like you, I opted out of nipple grafting. My nipples never did anything for me except embarrass me in cold weather, and I'm quite excited to face the upcoming winter without them, lol. The recovery process was much easier than I expected: I was fine shuffling around the house hours after leaving the hospital, I didn't need to take pain medication at all, and my upper-body flexibility and strength have been steadily returning. I love looking at my profile in the mirror; I love the sleek new fit of all my old shirts. I've even started to embrace lower necklines, which I always avoided in the past despite not having any real cleavage to show. If any of this is what you're hoping for from surgery, I can attest that it's wonderful, empowering, and liberating. (And, at least in my case, still entirely unconnected to gender or even sexuality.)

 

Your GoFundMe link doesn't seem to be working anymore, but if you still have a campaign going I'd love to help out however I can! And if you've already had the procedure, I hope you're equally satisfied with your results. 😊

Hey, just passing by when I saw this hh
Would you mind telling about how you were allowed to get the surgery done? Like who you had to talk to, which criteria you had to fulfill, how long it took til you could get the surgery done, etc? I'm facing similar thoughts as OP and I've been wanting a double mastectomie for the last couple of years, though I'm very afraid that they won't allow me to get the surgery done because I'm not trans. 

Edited by Plaskepus

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