Meet Me, Lida_Rose, With an Underscore! TW: sexual abuse mentioned. There is also chronic illness and mention of medical conditions involving female parts.

[Lida_Rose]

Gather 'round, gather 'round. Let the decrepit 27-year-old tell y'all a story! The story of how I realized I was ace and found my way here. Lida_Rose, with an underscore, may write a huge wall. I warn you, this is a long story. Trigger warning for sexual abuse (though I will not give explicit detail). Lady parts are mentioned. Chronic illness is also a thing that exists and that I have. I am laying some of my cards on the table, but not all. 

 

I was reluctant to put myself under the ace umbrella for a long time. It's true I haven't been interested in more than platonic contact with somebody, and that should have been a sign, but I . . . attributed that to the fact that I was sexually abused when I was 14 and that I am just triggered when someone tries to initiate sexual contact with me for that reason. I hadn't wanted sexual contact before that, but I had barely even hit puberty when that traumatic experience happened, so that's what I chalked it up to. 

 

On top of that, during my senior year of high school, I think, my hormones were tested and I had high levels of testosterone. I had an ultrasound and, sure enough, I have PCOS. Then, after that, when I was 18, I became physically ill. My gallbladder was the issue and that was removed. For a time, I felt better. Then, suddenly, when I was 19, I started feeling sick again. Well, anyway, in short, with one thing and another, I wound up being diagnosed with pelvic floor dysfunction, vulvodynia, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Hyper Mobility Type, and fibromyalgia. I had seen the man who diagnosed me with EDS rather recently and he told me my organs would drop if I had a kid, but it would be okay. I'd make a great mom. I liked the compliment, but I realized: "Hold on a second. I never wanted to get pregnant in the first place." 

 

Anyway, I was all too ready to say I just had a low sex drive because the other option would have hurt me and we typically avoid things that hurt us. Didn't necessarily mean I'm ace. But, then I thought about it more after my sister had one of our classic waaaayyyy TMI conversations. The "crushes" I thought I had were not me wanting anything romantic or sexual out of the other person. Just a deeper friendship. So I actually only ever had squishes . . . on real life people. I did have one online relationship that was pure romance without a sexual component (not even sexting). It would have worked fine with me, though I did wish he were there in person sometimes to hug me. But he did break it off with me, and I respected that decision. I was in the throes of medical troubles, after all, and besides, he moved on. 

 

My brother pointed out something during one of our TMI conversations, stating that he noticed that I seem to always have been fine with other people having romance but never wanted it for myself, which I realized was true. And then my sister read a "You Know You're Ace When . . ." topic on Reddit to me. There were only, like, two posts that I found myself not agreeing with. And then I just decided a couple days ago to look for an asexual forum because I kinda realized only a couple people in my family and one of my close online friends know I identify myself as ace and I hadn't really talked about it outside of that. And I can't even really be open about it at home because my mom doesn't really believe I'm ace. So, I figured, I could use a place to talk about it. I googled asexual forum, found this, lurked here for a couple days, and now, voila, I am here. I still wonder if, when I am physically better, I will begin pursuing more physical relationships. This is unlikely, but not impossible.

 

Wow. This went on for a while. It's okay if you don't read this! 

 

TL;DR: I was attributing my aceness to medical problems and trauma, so I didn't label myself ace because of a fairy tale that when my medical problems stop, I would maybe possibly be interested in a physical relationship. But with help from my brother and especially my sister, I realized that that's not going to happen. And so then I came here. 

 

So, anyway . . . Hi?  

[Lia]

Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

[AndrewT]

Hi and welcome, you'll find loads of support here.

 

If you identify as ace that's fine, if in the future you identify as something else that's also fine.

 

you've gone through a lot which shows how strong you've been

 

regards

 

Andrew

[ItsJustForce]

I'm so sorry to hear you were abused. No one should have to be subjected to that. I hope you enjoy it here, and get some answers to questions you have! I welcome you, fine citizen of the planet Earth! 

[Lida_Rose]

Ah, thank all of you for the kind messages.  I am happy to be here.

 

I agree that no one should be subjected to abuse. But there is a bright side that I did get justice for what happened to me. That is, he did get the maximum sentence for his crime. So there is that.