SorryNotSorry Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Is it just me, or does anyone else on AVEN feel like they've lost interest in finding love, after a lifetime of fruitless searching, as they approach a certain age? Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 I wouldn't say I've lost interest, but at same time it's not like I'm trying hard either (or really have ever been) Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Not that I'm particularily old in the slightest, but after a while the amount of effort I put out to make something work becomes a waste of energy when I could be focusing on the multitude of other problems I have to deal with. I don't quit, as the ball stops rolling when you stop pushing, but my will to do it has diminished in favor of more pressing issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 I go through phases of wanting a relationship but I generally don't want one. I don't want to be a burden on anyone with my medical condition. Around the age of 30 I suppose I stopped thinking about relationships so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Visenya Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 I'm not asexual or a "normal" sexual, and I've never actively searched for love, but I've notice that I'm becoming less and less romantic as I get older. I don't develop romantic feelings for anyone as easily or as often as I used to, and when I do, they tend to disappear faster. The only time when I actually believed I wanted a relationship was during a shitty period of my life (about 2 years ago) when I was feeling more depressed than usual. But as soon as I made a few important life changes and decided to focus on myself, on my personal development and on my hobbies, I became much happier. I guess that I realized that a relationship wouldn't make life any better for me. The only problem is that, despite becoming less romantic, I became... well, "less asexual", so to speak (I guess I was a late bloomer or something like that). But, in a general sense, I'm much happier now and I'm really ok with being single. Edit: Oops! I just noticed that this is the Older Asexuals subforum. Am I too young to be here? I'm 26 according to my birth certificate, but I'm much older at heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 There's no age limit @Visenya . It's more a forum for reasoned discussion and the only topics banned are unreasonable parents and maybe school (though I'm doing an Open University degree ) Link to post Share on other sites
Tja Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 I suppose, around 45, I finally admitted that love wasn't gonna happen. It had been years, before that, since I really thought about it. At 53, I'm fine with it. I don't, completely, rule out finding some kind of relationship, but, I seriously doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
lilgroundhog Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 At one time (college) I thought I wanted an exclusive relationship, now I'm in my 30s, I've gotten to the point I'm open about the fact that I don't want that kind of relationship. In a lot of ways I still want a QPR, but friends who care are far more important. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 9 hours ago, Tja said: I suppose, around 45, I finally admitted that love wasn't gonna happen. It had been years, before that, since I really thought about it. At 53, I'm fine with it. I don't, completely, rule out finding some kind of relationship, but, I seriously doubt it. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone I could call on for special occasions (or even not so special) - for example, my son is getting married in August and I'll be sat there on my own - Billy no mates. Link to post Share on other sites
Muledeer Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 18 hours ago, Tja said: I suppose, around 45, I finally admitted that love wasn't gonna happen. It had been years, before that, since I really thought about it. At 53, I'm fine with it. I don't, completely, rule out finding some kind of relationship, but, I seriously doubt it. This pretty sums up my feelings and timeline. I devoted a lot of time and energy into helping my mom get through her old age, and, despite knowing I was asexual, I still thought that somehow I would partner up after she was gone. Well, almost eight years later and I can reasonably see that a relationship probably is not going to happen. I still keep an open mind about it, with anybody of any gender at any age. Link to post Share on other sites
teatree Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 I thought I just had a crappy marriage, since I didn't realize that I am asexual! But I've been divorced for over 16 years, been on a total of one date, and now know that I prefer being by myself. I rarely feel lonely, though once in a while I would like a few more friends to do things with. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleFlower Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 I know I’m not that old and I haven’t ruled out the possibility of finding someone, that would be nice. But I’m not actively looking for anyone, because I’m ok with being single. And I enjoy that I can do what I want when I want.. or not doing anything if I don’t want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I'm so thankful for not having a relationship! I've spent the last year (and more to come) listening in to others' problems ...and they all arise from relationships. To me, it's like 'you should be doing this stuff-we're all so unhappy and we want you to join us! why won't you join us !'...well, that sounds a bit ranty, but.....it's how it comes across to me when I'm patiently listening to the dumped person/ person pining after someone that doesn't want them/ person who takes them for granted/ person who's already married....etc One night, when I was on a night shift, a colleague sidled up to me and told me how jealous they were that I was free and had they the time again they'd never have got married...then there are the 'relationship goals' people are supposed to achieve ...more pressure. Heck, no, I'd never join in that merry go round. Link to post Share on other sites
smack12776 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 The type of 'love' I'm seeking? I've completely ruled it out. I process life better by letting it go. In my next lifetime, who knows? As for this lifetime - nah. I'm good. Link to post Share on other sites
smack12776 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 On 1/27/2018 at 1:07 AM, Blitzentan said: Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone I could call on for special occasions (or even not so special) - for example, my son is getting married in August and I'll be sat there on my own - Billy no mates. This makes sense. I've considered finding a platonic friend/activity partner. Unfortunately for me 1: most individuals I've met (of the opposite sex) don't fully understand what the world platonic means and 2: it has been a challenge finding someone with similar interests as mine in Flagstaff, Arizona. Link to post Share on other sites
maddox22 Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 I've been single for a long time and definitely like it. I like having my own space, being able to watch what I want to watch and eat what I want to eat, etc. I have been in a few long-term relationships and I think it's unlikely I'll ever want to have that kind of relationship again. That said...I definitely feel lonely sometimes. And I miss physical contact (holding hands, kissing, hugging, snuggling, etc.). But having been in a relationship with someone who isn't ace, I am really skittish about dating, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
ponz Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 I'm only 27, but I'm pretty pessimistic about finding a partner. My only way to meet people is online, and it's rare to find someone in my age range that's willing to date long distance (at least at first) and also has even a minute bit of interest in me. I dated a lot as a teen, and it pretty much all came back to bite me. I've had so many awful experiences that it's impossible for me to realistically imagine a good relationship for myself. I know it's possible to meet someone decent who wants to be with me, but at the same time, it's really hard to ignore over a dozen bad relationships that indicate otherwise. And I kinda feel like I missed the boat since I didn't nab myself a husband/wife/partner when I was college age. After age 23 or so, the dating pool kinda goes stale and people just aren't interested. All my high school friends are married and have at least 1 kid now. Looks like I didn't get the memo. I still do want a relationship of some sort, but don't really see it happening. It's especially bad for me since I'm legally disabled and can't fully support myself financially. When my parents pass away, I'm screwed. I have enough integrity to not sell myself to a sugar daddy/mama/whatever, but that may eventually be my only way to survive one day. My post got rather depressing there at the end, so sorry for that y'all. XD Link to post Share on other sites
Yeast Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Aside from mom I don't think I've ever actually loved anybody. If sex were steak I'd want it about as much as a cow would. I've been this way all my life. Age can lead to isolation and when one is also asexual this can demonstrate that some men are islands. I've generally been very close to the few friends I've had in the past but it was an intellectual bond I formed with them. To me, love seems such a superficial, ephemeral thing. Sure, I suppose it feels wonderful but so does Heroin. Both are addictive and withdrawal is very painful. It might sound awful but I think I'm better off without any love. It probably sounds so awful because my culture has made love into some kind of fairy tale fantasy. I'm not wrong, I'm not broken and I'm not cursed. Go kiss sleeping beauty instead, that is if she even exists. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 On 27-1-2018 at 10:37 PM, PurpleFlower said: I know I’m not that old and I haven’t ruled out the possibility of finding someone, that would be nice. But I’m not actively looking for anyone, because I’m ok with being single. And I enjoy that I can do what I want when I want.. or not doing anything if I don’t want to. Yeah, that about sums it up for me too. I have a small but great family, a few good friends and it's enough for me. I've had one longish relationship and a few short ones but none of them felt fulfilling and I just gave up. I'm good . People react hilariously when I say point blank "I don't think I'm suited for a relationship". They either change the subject or look at me speechless. Link to post Share on other sites
daisylove Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Not at all interested in a relationship. For awhile I was wavering back and forth between yes I want one and no I dont, and I've pretty much settled on no at this point. Too much of an encumbrance. Link to post Share on other sites
TerrysAwake Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 I've found myself back in 2015. After bad relationships and an emotional and physical breakdown. I see myself as demisexual (no wonder sex sucked) and as, for lack of a better discription, a queer romantic. I've only had experience with gay men, but I've now find myself attracted to MTF, FTM, and gay men. I've found it very difficult to find someone excepting of my "point of view". Especially, someone who's my age and lives in Arizona. I wish there was a forum where people would say where they live. Link to post Share on other sites
vega57 Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 On 1/28/2018 at 6:51 AM, chandrakirti said: . Heck, no, I'd never join in that merry go round. Don't you mean MARRY-go-round? Link to post Share on other sites
daisylove Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 On 2/7/2018 at 9:04 PM, TerrysAwake said: I've found myself back in 2015. After bad relationships and an emotional and physical breakdown. I see myself as demisexual (no wonder sex sucked) and as, for lack of a better discription, a queer romantic. I've only had experience with gay men, but I've now find myself attracted to MTF, FTM, and gay men. I've found it very difficult to find someone excepting of my "point of view". Especially, someone who's my age and lives in Arizona. I wish there was a forum where people would say where they live. Meetup Mart for AZ... may be limited but will likely grow as the site grows! Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
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