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Question for aromantic asexuals


Inept_Eris

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 I wasn't sure where to put this but since this question is more about the romance than sexuality I thought I'd put it here but If I was wrong I apologize.

 

So I am very romantic myself which makes it hard to understand aromanticism but I grasp the concept fairly well there is just one thing I'm curious about and I know the answer will be different depending on the person and their exact stance on romance and physical intimacy. Though by all means anyone can answer this question is geared toward aromantic asexuals who have no interest in sex or physical intimacy for the most part. My Question:

 

   If you where in a platonic relationship with a sexual person and you loved them as much as you could without it being romantic would be you jealous if you caught them engaging in romantic physical intimacy (making out or something similar) with someone else? 

 

Thanks for indulging me ^_^

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NotGojoSatoru

I am not sure about others:unsure:, but I probably would, if I were as close to the person as I could be.

Fun fact: I got jealous when my best friend did her projects with someone other than me back in school . That was the first time I was angry with her...  (I feel old:blink:)

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Galactic Turtle
24 minutes ago, zebracuff101 said:

If you where in a platonic relationship with a sexual person and you loved them as much as you could without it being romantic would be you jealous if you caught them engaging in romantic physical intimacy (making out or something similar) with someone else? 

I read this to mean "are you jealous when your best friends date?"

 

Nope. Then again my friends aren't the type to ditch me because they have a boyfriend which I know isn't the case for a lot of people.

I'm a pretty big fan of relationship gossip/drama though so when my friends date I'm usually the most entertained out of anyone. :P 

I can't say what my thoughts will be like when they all get married but we'll get there when we get there.

 

I've had some insecure thoughts in the past when I see my friends be physically close with their other friends. I wonder if they think I'm strange for rejecting physical forms of affection. Does that make me a bad friend? I'd like to think not but it does remind me to really lay out my thoughts through words so that there's no misunderstandings.

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1 minute ago, Galactic Turtle said:

I read this to mean "are you jealous when your best friends date?"

 

Nope. Then again my friends aren't the type to ditch me because they have a boyfriend which I know isn't the case for a lot of people.

I'm a pretty big fan of relationship gossip/drama though so when my friends date I'm usually the most entertained out of anyone. :P 

Sorry I'm not sure how to describe the type of relationship I'm thinking of here but I've seen/read things about people being in platonic relationships that act a lot like romantic relationships without the romance. That makes no sense I'm sure but it's the best way I can explain it from an outside perspective. 

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5 minutes ago, TheAmazingImperialEmperor said:

I am not sure about others:unsure:, but I probably would, if I were as close to the person as I could be.

Fun fact: I got jealous when my best friend did her projects with someone other than me back in school . That was the first time I was angry with her...  (I feel old:blink:)

Oh I know how you feel! When I was a teenager I had to move far away from my best friend and though we kept in great touch by the time I was able to see her again she had gotten really close with this other chick and I was insanely jealous lol 

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NotGojoSatoru
2 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

I'm a pretty big fan of relationship gossip/drama though so when my friends date I'm usually the most entertained out of anyone. :P 

Oh man, It's the same with me! I keep listening to stories of the different people my friends have liked or dated. 

 

Just now, zebracuff101 said:

orry I'm not sure how to describe the type of relationship I'm thinking of here but I've seen/read things about people being in platonic relationships that act a lot like romantic relationships without the romance. That makes no sense I'm sure but it's the best way I can explain it from an outside perspective. 

Are you talking about QPRs? I was kind of interested in my best friend that way. Like, if I ever had to go to hunt a dragon or something, I would take her with me, but if she wanted someone to be romantically interested in her, it wouldn't be me.

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Galactic Turtle
1 minute ago, zebracuff101 said:

Sorry I'm not sure how to describe the type of relationship I'm thinking of here but I've seen/read things about people being in platonic relationships that act a lot like romantic relationships without the romance. That makes no sense I'm sure but it's the best way I can explain it from an outside perspective. 

You might be talking about a QPR? From what I've seen every other person defines what a QPR is in different ways. I personally don't find much use in the term because of this but kind of like @TheAmazingImperialEmperor said, I have a friend in my life who I consider myself to be quite close to. She just gets me, I get her, we work as a unit. At the same time she very clearly spells out the romantic relationship she's looking for in life and I am 100% not the person who can fulfill those things for her. I don't view friendship as being lesser than romance, I just view them as different things. I know that if she ever meets this dream guy of hers then she'll be happy, I'll be happy for her, I'll ask for updates, give advice about it if she asks for it but... yeah. 

 

Am I incapable of entering an exclusive sort of relationship with someone? No but the way I love isn't exactly the way most romantic people like to be loved which is why I find friendship to be so fulfilling whereas for many other people they feel as if there's still something missing that they desire and I wouldn't be able to give.

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1 hour ago, zebracuff101 said:

Sorry I'm not sure how to describe the type of relationship I'm thinking of here but I've seen/read things about people being in platonic relationships that act a lot like romantic relationships without the romance. That makes no sense I'm sure but it's the best way I can explain it from an outside perspective. 

I'm pretty sure you're talking about QPRs. It's basically like having a partner in life, who is also your best friend, but there isn't anything in your relationship that people would consider "romantic."

 

I'm sure that I would get jealous, but that's because I would be afraid of losing them. When people get involved in a romantic relationship, they tend to lose focus of everything except their significant other, and it can distance themselves from their loved ones.

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Ah so these relationships are called QPRs, I'm learning something new every day on here thanks!

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11 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said:

You might be talking about a QPR? From what I've seen every other person defines what a QPR is in different ways. I personally don't find much use in the term because of this but kind of like @TheAmazingImperialEmperor said, I have a friend in my life who I consider myself to be quite close to. She just gets me, I get her, we work as a unit. At the same time she very clearly spells out the romantic relationship she's looking for in life and I am 100% not the person who can fulfill those things for her. I don't view friendship as being lesser than romance, I just view them as different things. I know that if she ever meets this dream guy of hers then she'll be happy, I'll be happy for her, I'll ask for updates, give advice about it if she asks for it but... yeah. 

 

Am I incapable of entering an exclusive sort of relationship with someone? No but the way I love isn't exactly the way most romantic people like to be loved which is why I find friendship to be so fulfilling whereas for many other people they feel as if there's still something missing that they desire and I wouldn't be able to give.

You sound like a great friend :D

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Galactic Turtle
9 minutes ago, zebracuff101 said:

You sound like a great friend :D

I'd give myself a solid B+ lol.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm aro ace and in a relationship that isn't exactly platonic (meaning, we kiss, cuddle, have sex etc), so I'm not sure my situation applies, but... I think I would be a little jealous, and a whole lot betrayed should my boyfriend so much as kiss someone else. I'm giving him all I'm capable of giving and I expect him to give me the same.

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On 1/24/2018 at 6:32 PM, Galactic Turtle said:

I read this to mean "are you jealous when your best friends date?"

Me too. But then, i've heard of this magical thing called a QPR, but since my closest relationship has been with a couple of friends who ended up dating each other, and I still hang out with equally as much, I'm inclined to say no, I wouldn't be jealous, as long as they still have time for me.

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I would be pretty upset if I 'caught' my QPP being romantic with someone else. But if they came to me and told me this is what they need out of a relationship and wanted to be more open with ours I'd think about it and try to keep an open mind

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AFlyingPiglet
On 1/25/2018 at 2:10 AM, Sashie_Kundo said:

If you where in a platonic relationship with a sexual person and you loved them as much as you could without it being romantic would be you jealous if you caught them engaging in romantic physical intimacy (making out or something similar) with someone else? 

For me personally, the answer has to be a definite NO.  It might feel weird but no, it wouldn't make me feel jealous.

 

My best friend since 1999 (who I consider as my soul mate) definitely wanted to Marry me etc but I was honest and told him I had no feelings towards him (I've tried to go through the motions with other people I knew before him (but didn't like as much) and it somehow felt wrong).  

 

When my best friend met someone and they were engaged, I just left them to it as I felt she could give him the romantic love and sex that I could not.  

 

The funny thing is that the engagement was called off and as far as I know he never met anyone else.  We are still the best of friends after all this time, although we are only loosely in touch as he lives several hundred miles away from me.

 

He as the first person I came out to as Asexual as I finally realised why I loved him so much as a friend but had no other romantic or sexual feelings towards him.  The sad thing is that I think he still has feelings for me but I just can't reciprocate them.

 

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On 2/4/2018 at 11:52 AM, rrenvy said:

I'm aro ace and in a relationship that isn't exactly platonic (meaning, we kiss, cuddle, have sex etc), so I'm not sure my situation applies, but... I think I would be a little jealous, and a whole lot betrayed should my boyfriend so much as kiss someone else. I'm giving him all I'm capable of giving and I expect him to give me the same.

Forgive me I don't mean to be rude or anything but I'm confused you are aromantic and asexual but you are in a romantic sexual relationship? Isn't that an oxymoron? I'm not trying to put you down do what makes you happy I'm just trying to wrap my mind around that.
 

On 2/5/2018 at 12:00 AM, babygyrl09 said:

Me too. But then, i've heard of this magical thing called a QPR, but since my closest relationship has been with a couple of friends who ended up dating each other, and I still hang out with equally as much, I'm inclined to say no, I wouldn't be jealous, as long as they still have time for me.

Yeah I'm talking about a QPR I just didn't know it had a specific name at the time of this post. I would hope most people don't get jealous when their friends date other people for the most part lol.
 

On 2/5/2018 at 12:30 AM, Prof.Owl said:

I would be pretty upset if I 'caught' my QPP being romantic with someone else. But if they came to me and told me this is what they need out of a relationship and wanted to be more open with ours I'd think about it and try to keep an open mind

 Sounds like a sensible and open minded reaction to me!
 

3 hours ago, AFlyingPiglet said:

For me personally, the answer has to be a definite NO.  It might feel weird but no, it wouldn't make me feel jealous.

 

My best friend since 1999 (who I consider as my soul mate) definitely wanted to Marry me etc but I was honest and told him I had no feelings towards him (I've tried to go through the motions with other people I knew before him (but didn't like as much) and it somehow felt wrong).  

 

When my best friend met someone and they were engaged, I just left them to it as I felt she could give him the romantic love and sex that I could not.  

 

The funny thing is that the engagement was called off and as far as I know he never met anyone else.  We are still the best of friends after all this time, although we are only loosely in touch as he lives several hundred miles away from me.

 

He as the first person I came out to as Asexual as I finally realised why I loved him so much as a friend but had no other romantic or sexual feelings towards him.  The sad thing is that I think he still has feelings for me but I just can't reciprocate them.

 

That is the sweetest thing I have read all day I hope you and your friend continue to be close forever and hopefully move closer to one another in the future :D

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On 2/8/2018 at 3:14 AM, Sashie_Kundo said:
On 2/4/2018 at 6:52 PM, rrenvy said:

I'm aro ace and in a relationship that isn't exactly platonic (meaning, we kiss, cuddle, have sex etc), so I'm not sure my situation applies, but... I think I would be a little jealous, and a whole lot betrayed should my boyfriend so much as kiss someone else. I'm giving him all I'm capable of giving and I expect him to give me the same.

Forgive me I don't mean to be rude or anything but I'm confused you are aromantic and asexual but you are in a romantic sexual relationship? Isn't that an oxymoron? I'm not trying to put you down do what makes you happy I'm just trying to wrap my mind around that.

Honestly, it kind of boggles my own mind as well :D The thing is, I'm kind of an introvert and I strongly prefer to have a couple of close friends instead of a lot of more shallow friendships. I also generally prefer to befriend men. And these men have the very irritating tendency to find something about me... attractive. Basically what I'm saying is that whenever I get close to a guy, they start wanting more and things get uncomfortable. So I ended up going for the next best thing and just bowing to the inevitable. If I can't have a close guy friend, then I guess I'll just look for a boyfriend and deal with all the other stuff that comes with it.

 

I'm sure this sounds completely insane to most of the people here. It sounds a little insane to me as well.

 

I'm not repulsed by sex or romantic stuff. I'm perfectly capable of enjoying sex, it just no one - including my boyfriend - makes me feel like 'I want to have sex with that person'. I don't feel the least bit 'in love' with my boyfriend, but I don't really mind his feelings for me except for the part that makes me feel guilty for not being able to return them as he would like me to.

 

So, I guess the point I'm making is that I'm not in a relationship because of the romantic or sexual stuff but despite them, because I want the platonic closeness that comes with it.

 

Still haven't decided whether this is worth it or not, though...

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AmberInTheMoonlight

I don't think I would really be jealous, but I probably would feel sad or abandoned. I guess I would also feel happy for them if they found a person that they would rather be with since that person makes them happier than I do, and that's fine. I don't really know. My emotions are complicated.

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I'm aro ace, and would love to be in a qpr. I think I'd feel more than just jealousy if I found out my partner was being romantic with someone else...I might sound selfish, but I'd just want them to be with me. I could tolerate doing some romantically coded things with them. (I somewhat like some of them.) Maybe even sexual, although I'm sex-repulsed...So, if they needed something like that, they might still get it from me. I'd really prefer to be in one with another aro ace, but we're hard to find. Qpr's are awesome because they can be so flexible, yet the basis is still platonic and emotional. 

 

I've been in a romantic/sexual relationship before. It felt like I was being smothered or drowning. He only wanted to be with me, and didn't want me talking to or having other male friends. He was easily jealous. With my partner in a qpr, I'd be cool if they had close friends. Friends are awesome to have. That's just controlling and overprotective to be jealous of that.

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On 2/18/2018 at 1:53 PM, anzu2snow said:

I'd really prefer to be in one with another aro ace, but we're hard to find. Qpr's are awesome because they can be so flexible, yet the basis is still platonic and emotional

This. Met a couple people who've known what ace/aro means, and more that I've educated about what it means for me, but I've yet to meet another one of us. I feel like a unicorn, and not in the good way.

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